Funny taglines found in email signatures, forum postings, and on Facebook:
- Once in a while, I screw up and do something right.
- Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- I only drink to make other people seem interesting.
- Be careful when slinging mud, you might lose ground.
- I keep putting off procrastination & get nowhere
- Don't look now but your fly's open!
- One thought driven home is better than three left on base.
- I tried to contain myself, but I escaped.
- Drop the gun, Tom said with a disarming smile.
- You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
- Discoveries are made by not following instructions.
- A lie has speed, but truth has endurance.
- Something wicked this way comes.
- Why isn't "phonetically" spelled that way?
- I plan to live forever, or die trying.
- Fake it till you make it.
- Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
- Love is blind, marriage is the eye opener.
- Backup not found: (a)bort (r)etry (p)anic (c)ryalot
- Just another useless, unnecessary tagline.
- Anything once assembled, will fall apart.
- A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- A clean, neat, desk is a sign of a sick mind.
- The first piece of luggage out of the chute does not belong to anyone, ever.
- All things considered, insanity may be the best alternative.
- Adventure is the champagne of life.
- What could possibly go wrong.
- Every time I lose weight, it finds me again.
- A terrible mind is a thing to waste.
- The shortest distance between new friends is a smile.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- This phone is baroque; please call Bach later.
- If all goes well, you've overlooked something.
- Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
- All my good Taglines are at the cleaners.
- Inquiring minds already think they know.
- If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose.
- I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up.
- I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me.
- When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.
- It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice.
- Assumption is the mother of all screwups.
- Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
- Do not applaud until you have heard the music.
- It's always harder to pave the way for others.
- Beauty is only skin deep. Ugly goes right to the bone.
- If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny.
- Don't you have something better to do than read this?
- Paramedics are patient people.
- Always remember no matter where you go, there you are.
- Avoid Mistakes...Do Nothing.
- Rude, crude, socially unacceptable.
- Marshmallow salespeople learn the soft sell.
- The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you have it made.
- A recession is what takes the wind out of your sales.
- Any sufficiently advanced bug will become a feature.
- Don't let school interfere with your education.
- I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
- If you can't do it well, enjoy doing it badly.
- Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way.
- Science asks why. I ask why not.
- What I lack in restraint, I make up for in remorse.
- A bachelor is a man who is free to choose, and chooses to be free.
- Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.
- Mason-Dixon: Line that separates y'all from youse guys.
- A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
- A man should be greater than some of his parts.
- Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
- BEEP: This is a test of the Emergency Tagline System.
- Proverb: Man who sit on tack get point.
- What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
- Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate.
- If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid.
- A feature is a bug with seniority.
- It only takes a small oven to produce a half-baked idea.
- I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
- I'm not as dumb as you look.
- When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
- I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, The whole time.
- Money is the root of all bills.
- If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
- Don't tell me what kind of day to have!
- Never let your feet run faster than your shoes.
- Life is like a car wash and I'm on a bicycle.
- I am not antisocial. I'm just not real friendly.
- Be patient, God isn't finished with me yet.
- A squirrel is just a rat with good PR.
- Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
- A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
- Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
- Another brilyunt mind diztroyed by publik edjukayshun.
- What part of my brilliance don't you understand?
- 1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts.
- A hug warms the soul and places a smile in the heart.
- Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
- As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950
- Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
- Proverb: Man who run in front of car get tired.
- I'd explain it to you but your brain would explode.
- Never believe anything until it's been officially denied.
- Another birthday? I have your GIF right here.
- Does The Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
- A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
- Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
- The Majority is never right; unless it includes me.
- A camel is a horse designed by committee.
- Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- Every purchase has its price.
- All generalizations are bad.
- People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
- Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left? [Answer: 5.] Why? Because there's a difference between deciding & doing.
- Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
- A fool wants to be king. A wise man wonders if he can handle the job.
- Save energy: be apathetic.
- Another exploration in the black hole of time.
- Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks.
- To every exception there is a rule.
- You can observe a lot just by watching.
- When things just can't get any worse, they will.
- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
- Those who can, do. Those who can't, write the manual.
- It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
- A job is nice, but it interferes with my life.
- Inertia makes the world go round.
- Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
- A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.
- Proverb: A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
- What if we were our reflection's reflection?
- Puns are bad, but poetry is verse.
- I'm a very modest person. And damn proud of it.
- I just got a new car for my girlfriend....Great trade.
- Eternity? Straight ahead, turn left at infinity.
- Life: A brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
- A library is an arsenal of liberty.
- Don't ask me, I only work here.
- Work expands to exceed the time allotted.
- A friend in need is a pest indeed.
- Medical definition: Barium. What you do if CPR fails.
- Do not answer fools according to their folly.
- Marriage is not a word but a sentence.
- Psychic Convention canceled due to unforeseen problems.
- A bad day at home is better than a good day at work
- Do not remove this tagline under penalty of the law.
- Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free.
- A shining beacon in an electronic void.
- Always consider the alternative before making a choice.
- Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
- The first myth of management is that it exists.
- Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
- Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
- If you mess with something long enough it'll break.
- Why are you wasting time reading taglines?
- It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
- Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
- Reality is just another illusion.
- Tomorrow will be yesterday soon enough.
- A black hole is God dividing by zero.
- Dogmas breed litters of stigmas.
- There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
- He who dies with the most TAGLINES wins!
- A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
- Without time, everything would happen all at once.
- If you don't vote, don't complain.
- Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
- Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.
- A day without sunshine is like night.
- Caution: Hungry Dieter May Bite If Provoked
- At the center of the earth, which way is down?
- At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go into the same bag.
- The seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
- I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
- A day in the life of a message traffic cop.
- Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
- A career is a job that has gone on too long.
- Give me some chocolate and no one gets hurt!
- I am not responsible for advice not taken.
- Proverb: Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.
- If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
- A weasel is a ferret with seniority.
- Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
- It takes two to compete, but only one to cooperate.
- Where anything can happen, but usually doesn't.
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- Those who learn not from history are doomed to repeat it.
- Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please.
- The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.
- All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
- I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it well.
- Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
- Desk: A very large wastebasket with drawers.
- I have come here to kick ASCII.
- An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.
- All truth is found in taglines.
- I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention.
- False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
- A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- My tagline can beat up your tagline.
- Expansion Slots: The extra holes in your belt buckle.
- Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean.
- A bird in the hand can be awfully messy.
- ASCII and ye shall receive.
- I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
- Don't even pretend to be interested in this tagline.
- Proverb: Man can only learn from experience. The WISE man learns from that of others.
- If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.
- What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
- A Tagline a day keeps viruses away.
- Friction can be a drag sometimes.
- It's not a bug, its an undocumented feature.
- All answers subject to change in the next ten minutes.
- Proverb: Man who pee on electric fence receive shocking news.
- Experience is directly proportional to ruined equipment.
- I feel much better since I gave up hope.
- I stumbled over a stone and took it for granite.
- I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
- Proverb: Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
- The main thing we learn from history is that politicians don't.
- Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.
- A voltage spike? OUCH! That hertz!
- A bird in the hand can be messy.
- Black holes really suck.
- If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here.
- Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
- Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
- To boldly code what no one has coded before.
- This tagline's confused - thinks it's a message.
- Proverb: Man who pushes piano down mine shaft get A flat miner.
- A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere.
- Fundamentalism means never having to open your mind.
- A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
- These are only my opinions. You should see my convictions.
- I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
- A new standard in obfuscation, ambiguity, & equivocation.
- Time for culture, gone CHOPIN, BACH in a MINUET.
- Idleness is the holiday of fools.
- As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life.
- And now for something completely different...
- The best way to win an argument is to be right.
- Where there's a will, there's a won't.
- A coward mistakes oppression for peace.
- Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap.
- A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
- Bad habits? I have nun.
- Talk is cheap...until you hire a lawyer.
- An error becomes a mistake only when you refuse to correct it.
- Courage atrophies from lack of use.
- A man's home is his Hassle.
- It is better to burn out than fade away.
- Stop talking while I'm interrupting.
- The man who begins many things finishes few.
- Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
- What's another word for "thesaurus"?
- Reality is for people who lack imagination.
- Old age is better than the alternative.
- Beware of geeks bearing GIFs.
- Some get the elevator, some get the shaft.
- Our parents were never our age.
- God created cats so that men could learn to understand women.
- I'm the person your mother warned you about.
- Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
- Card-carrying member of the cultural elite.
- For the millionth time, don't exaggerate.
- I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.
- Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
- How arrogant of you not to accept my obvious superiority.
- All I want to know is: WHY ME?
- A conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
- An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
- Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
- Only lemmings jump to conclusions.
- Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
- Ignorance is where learning begins.
- Wedding rings: The world's smallest handcuffs.
- Go ahead, Moderate my day.
- A cult is a religion with no political power.
- Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip.
- Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.
- Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
- All true wisdom is found in taglines.
- Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
- Warning: Not responsible for contents of posts made after midnight.
- Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
- Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace.
- As knowledge increases, wonder deepens.
- Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
- The first rule of intelligent tinkering is save all parts.
- The open hand of desire wants everything.
- When you enter the ocean, you enter the food chain, and not necessarily at the top - Jacques Yves Cousteau.
- Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
- A matter of opinion, your opinion doesn't matter.
- I wonder what this button does....
- Every solution breeds new problems.
- A home, where the buffalo roam, is messy.
- A fisherman can be very a-luring.
- If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
- All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
- Nodding the head does not row the boat.
- The longer the title, the less important the job.
- A production of the digitally insane.
- Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
- I've upped my standards, now UP YOURS!
- I used to have peace of mind, now I have kids.
- Is "tired old cliche" one?
- The man who dies with the most toys is dead.
- A prune is a plum with experience.
- A taxi driver is a man who drives away customers.
- This discussion is hanging by a thread.
- A jack of all trades is master of none.
- Without fools there would be no wisdom.
- I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
- It's only ones and zeros.
- If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
- A boy becomes a man when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
- A single fact can spoil a good argument.
- Sharp swords are one thing; sharp words are quite another.
- Exceeding the legal fun limit on a regular basis.
- Meditation is not what you think.
- 87% of all statistics are worthless.
- It's easier to obtain forgiveness than permission.
- A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.
- I'm joining the Procrastinators Club - soon
- Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.
- Sorry, no tagline. Check back next week
- A can of worms full of Pandora's boxes.
- This message edited for the ironically impaired.
- Just visiting this planet.
- A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
- Ambivalence may or may not be my problem.
- I just took an IQ test. The results were negative.
- And many MILES to go before I sleep.
- This tagline only uses recycled keystrokes.
- There was a tagline here but someone stole it.
- A metaphor is like a simile.
- This Life is a test...It is only a test....
- Excellent time to become a missing person.
- Your foot, Your mouth....Go arrange a meeting.
- I'm having one of those decades.
- Another casualty of the seduction of insanity.
- If your hand goes forth withhold your temper. If your temper goes forth withhold your hand.
- This message will self-destruct in 5...4...3...2...1...
- In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.
- I drive way too fast to worry what foods will kill me.
- If I could, I would, but I can't, so I won't.
- Back off man! I'm a programmer...
- Toddler: An indoor tornado.
- Don't believe in miracles, count on them.
- Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money.
- A big enough hammer fixes anything.
- Doubt grows with knowledge.
- A skydiver is taken by the gravity of his situation.
- Annoy your roommate: Skip to the bathroom.
- Beam me up Scotty, no intelligent life on this forum.
- Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand?
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- He whose face gives no light, shall never become a star. - William Blake
- Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it.
- Alimony: The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
- An ounce of emotion equals a ton of facts.
- An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
- Bad breath is better than no breath.
- Alimony is short for all your money.
- For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
- Are you part of the problem, or part of the solution?
- In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
- Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
- Proverb: Man who run behind car get exhausted.
- If at first you don't succeed, forget skydiving.
- If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
- Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
- Never judge a man by his taglines.
- A kick in the butt is a step forward.
- Recognize your own greatness, and be humbled by it.
- It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
- As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.
- Software means never having to say you're finished.
- I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
- Proverb: Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
- Avoid cliches like the plague.
- There's one fool in every married couple.
- This tagline only to be removed by the consumer.
- Anything demonstrated for a repairman will work perfectly.
- Must you be a pothole in the highway of life?
- All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money can't make me happy.
- Kids - They're not sleeping, they're are recharging.
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
- Mother is the invention of necessity.
- At the top of the food chain sits chocolate.
- Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.
- A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck.
- There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
- Mistakes are the dues one pays for a full life.
- Be nice to your enemies, it drives them nuts.
- You can not reason a man out of a position he did not reach through reason.
- Spontaneity has its time and place.
- A bad plan is better than no plan at all.
- All the world's a stage and I just got the hook.
- One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
- Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else get your way.
- All my friends tell me that peer pressure is cool.
- My tagline writers are working overtime.
- I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
- ACOUSTIC: What you play pool with.
- Why did the tachyon cross the road? Because it was on the other side.
- An unreflected life is not worth living.
- I'm in shape ... round is a shape isn't it?
- It is better to be brief than boring.
- Aging: when you sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
- Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
- The solution to the problem changes the problem.
- A cynic is an idealist who has finally learned the truth.