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Funny quotes you can use as taglines:

  • Once in a while, I screw up and do something right.
  • Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
  • I only drink to make other people seem interesting.
  • Be careful when slinging mud, you might lose ground.
  • I keep putting off procrastination & get nowhere
  • Don't look now but your fly's open!
  • One thought driven home is better than three left on base.
  • I tried to contain myself, but I escaped.
  • Drop the gun, Tom said with a disarming smile.
  • You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
  • Discoveries are made by not following instructions.
  • A lie has speed, but truth has endurance.
  • Something wicked this way comes.
  • Why isn't "phonetically" spelled that way?
  • I plan to live forever, or die trying.
  • Fake it till you make it.
  • Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
  • Love is blind, marriage is the eye opener.
  • Backup not found: (a)bort (r)etry (p)anic (c)ryalot
  • Just another useless, unnecessary tagline.
  • Anything once assembled, will fall apart.
  • A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
  • A clean, neat, desk is a sign of a sick mind.
  • The first piece of luggage out of the chute does not belong to anyone, ever.
  • All things considered, insanity may be the best alternative.
  • Adventure is the champagne of life.
  • What could possibly go wrong.
  • Every time I lose weight, it finds me again.
  • A terrible mind is a thing to waste.
  • The shortest distance between new friends is a smile.
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • This phone is baroque; please call Bach later.
  • If all goes well, you've overlooked something.
  • Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
  • All my good Taglines are at the cleaners.
  • Inquiring minds already think they know.
  • If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose.
  • I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up.
  • I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me.
  • When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.
  • It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice.
  • Assumption is the mother of all screwups.
  • Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
  • Do not applaud until you have heard the music.
  • It's always harder to pave the way for others.
  • Beauty is only skin deep. Ugly goes right to the bone.
  • If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny.
  • Don't you have something better to do than read this?
  • Paramedics are patient people.
  • Always remember no matter where you go, there you are.
  • Avoid Mistakes...Do Nothing.
  • Rude, crude, socially unacceptable.
  • Marshmallow salespeople learn the soft sell.
  • The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you have it made.
  • A recession is what takes the wind out of your sales.
  • Any sufficiently advanced bug will become a feature.
  • Don't let school interfere with your education.
  • I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
  • If you can't do it well, enjoy doing it badly.
  • Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way.
  • Science asks why. I ask why not.
  • What I lack in restraint, I make up for in remorse.
  • A bachelor is a man who is free to choose, and chooses to be free.
  • Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.
  • Mason-Dixon: Line that separates y'all from youse guys.
  • A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
  • A man should be greater than some of his parts.
  • Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
  • BEEP: This is a test of the Emergency Tagline System.
  • Proverb: Man who sit on tack get point.
  • What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
  • Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate.
  • If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid.
  • A feature is a bug with seniority.
  • It only takes a small oven to produce a half-baked idea.
  • I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
  • Iím not as dumb as you look.
  • When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
  • I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, The whole time.
  • Money is the root of all bills.
  • If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
  • Don't tell me what kind of day to have!
  • Never let your feet run faster than your shoes.
  • Life is like a car wash and I'm on a bicycle.
  • I am not antisocial. I'm just not real friendly.
  • Be patient, God isn't finished with me yet.
  • A squirrel is just a rat with good PR.
  • Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
  • A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
  • Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
  • Another brilyunt mind diztroyed by publik edjukayshun.
  • What part of my brilliance don't you understand?
  • 1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts.
  • A hug warms the soul and places a smile in the heart.
  • Everyone hates me because Iím paranoid.
  • As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950
  • Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  • Proverb: Man who run in front of car get tired.
  • I'd explain it to you but your brain would explode.
  • Never believe anything until it's been officially denied.
  • Another birthday? I have your GIF right here.
  • Does The Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
  • A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
  • Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
  • The Majority is never right; unless it includes me.
  • A camel is a horse designed by committee.
  • Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
  • Every purchase has its price.
  • All generalizations are bad.
  • People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
  • Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left? [Answer: 5.] Why? Because there's a difference between deciding & doing.
  • Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
  • A fool wants to be king. A wise man wonders if he can handle the job.
  • Save energy: be apathetic.
  • Another exploration in the black hole of time.
  • Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks.
  • To every exception there is a rule.
  • You can observe a lot just by watching.
  • When things just can't get any worse, they will.
  • Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
  • Those who can, do. Those who can't, write the manual.
  • It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
  • A job is nice, but it interferes with my life.
  • Inertia makes the world go round.
  • Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
  • A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.
  • Proverb: A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
  • What if we were our reflection's reflection?
  • Puns are bad, but poetry is verse.
  • I'm a very modest person. And damn proud of it.
  • I just got a new car for my girlfriend....Great trade.
  • Eternity? Straight ahead, turn left at infinity.
  • Life: A brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
  • A library is an arsenal of liberty.
  • Donít ask me, I only work here.
  • Work expands to exceed the time allotted.
  • A friend in need is a pest indeed.
  • Medical definition: Barium. What you do if CPR fails.
  • Do not answer fools according to their folly.
  • Marriage is not a word but a sentence.
  • Psychic Convention canceled due to unforeseen problems.
  • A bad day at home is better than a good day at work
  • Do not remove this tagline under penalty of the law.
  • Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free.
  • A shining beacon in an electronic void.
  • Always consider the alternative before making a choice.
  • Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
  • You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
  • The first myth of management is that it exists.
  • Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
  • Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
  • If you mess with something long enough it'll break.
  • Why are you wasting time reading taglines?
  • It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
  • Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
  • Reality is just another illusion.
  • Tomorrow will be yesterday soon enough.
  • A black hole is God dividing by zero.
  • Dogmas breed litters of stigmas.
  • There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
  • He who dies with the most TAGLINES wins!
  • A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
  • Without time, everything would happen all at once.
  • If you don't vote, don't complain.
  • Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
  • Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.
  • A day without sunshine is like night.
  • Caution: Hungry Dieter May Bite If Provoked
  • At the center of the earth, which way is down?
  • At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go into the same bag.
  • The seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
  • I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
  • A day in the life of a message traffic cop.
  • Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
  • A career is a job that has gone on too long.
  • Give me some chocolate and no one gets hurt!
  • I am not responsible for advice not taken.
  • Proverb: Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.
  • If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • A weasel is a ferret with seniority.
  • Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
  • It takes two to compete, but only one to cooperate.
  • Where anything can happen, but usually doesn't.
  • An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • Those who learn not from history are doomed to repeat it.
  • Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please.
  • The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.
  • All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
  • I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it well.
  • Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
  • Desk: A very large wastebasket with drawers.
  • I have come here to kick ASCII.
  • An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.
  • All truth is found in taglines.
  • Iím so broke, I canít even pay attention.
  • False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
  • A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
  • My tagline can beat up your tagline.
  • Expansion Slots: The extra holes in your belt buckle.
  • Donít do what I SAY, do what I mean.
  • A bird in the hand can be awfully messy.
  • ASCII and ye shall receive.
  • I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
  • Don't even pretend to be interested in this tagline.
  • Proverb: Man can only learn from experience. The WISE man learns from that of others.
  • If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.
  • What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
  • A Tagline a day keeps viruses away.
  • Friction can be a drag sometimes.
  • It's not a bug, its an undocumented feature.
  • All answers subject to change in the next ten minutes.
  • Proverb: Man who pee on electric fence receive shocking news.
  • Experience is directly proportional to ruined equipment.
  • I feel much better since I gave up hope.
  • I stumbled over a stone and took it for granite.
  • I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
  • Proverb: Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
  • The main thing we learn from history is that politicians don't.
  • Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.
  • A voltage spike? OUCH! That hertz!
  • A bird in the hand can be messy.
  • Black holes really suck.
  • If I had anything witty to say, I wouldnít put it here.
  • Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
  • Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
  • To boldly code what no one has coded before.
  • This tagline's confused - thinks it's a message.
  • Proverb: Man who pushes piano down mine shaft get A flat miner.
  • A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere.
  • Fundamentalism means never having to open your mind.
  • A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
  • These are only my opinions. You should see my convictions.
  • I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
  • A new standard in obfuscation, ambiguity, & equivocation.
  • Time for culture, gone CHOPIN, BACH in a MINUET.
  • Idleness is the holiday of fools.
  • As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life.
  • And now for something completely different...
  • The best way to win an argument is to be right.
  • Where there's a will, there's a won't.
  • A coward mistakes oppression for peace.
  • Help! Iím lost somewhere in the Generation Gap.
  • A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
  • Bad habits? I have nun.
  • Talk is cheap...until you hire a lawyer.
  • An error becomes a mistake only when you refuse to correct it.
  • Courage atrophies from lack of use.
  • A man's home is his Hassle.
  • It is better to burn out than fade away.
  • Stop talking while I'm interrupting.
  • The man who begins many things finishes few.
  • Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
  • What's another word for "thesaurus"?
  • Reality is for people who lack imagination.
  • Old age is better than the alternative.
  • Beware of geeks bearing GIFs.
  • Some get the elevator, some get the shaft.
  • Our parents were never our age.
  • God created cats so that men could learn to understand women.
  • I'm the person your mother warned you about.
  • Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
  • Card-carrying member of the cultural elite.
  • For the millionth time, don't exaggerate.
  • I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.
  • Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
  • How arrogant of you not to accept my obvious superiority.
  • All I want to know is: WHY ME?
  • A conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
  • An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
  • Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
  • Only lemmings jump to conclusions.
  • Of all the things Iíve lost, I miss my mind the most.
  • Ignorance is where learning begins.
  • Wedding rings: The world's smallest handcuffs.
  • Go ahead, Moderate my day.
  • A cult is a religion with no political power.
  • Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip.
  • Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.
  • Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
  • All true wisdom is found in taglines.
  • Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
  • Warning: Not responsible for contents of posts made after midnight.
  • Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
  • Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace.
  • As knowledge increases, wonder deepens.
  • Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
  • The first rule of intelligent tinkering is save all parts.
  • The open hand of desire wants everything.
  • When you enter the ocean, you enter the food chain, and not necessarily at the top - Jacques Yves Cousteau.
  • Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
  • A matter of opinion, your opinion doesn't matter.
  • I wonder what this button does....
  • Every solution breeds new problems.
  • A home, where the buffalo roam, is messy.
  • A fisherman can be very a-luring.
  • If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
  • All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
  • Nodding the head does not row the boat.
  • The longer the title, the less important the job.
  • A production of the digitally insane.
  • Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
  • I've upped my standards, now UP YOURS!
  • I used to have peace of mind, now I have kids.
  • Is "tired old cliche" one?
  • The man who dies with the most toys is dead.
  • A prune is a plum with experience.
  • A taxi driver is a man who drives away customers.
  • This discussion is hanging by a thread.
  • A jack of all trades is master of none.
  • Without fools there would be no wisdom.
  • I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
  • It's only ones and zeros.
  • If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
  • A boy becomes a man when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
  • A single fact can spoil a good argument.
  • Sharp swords are one thing; sharp words are quite another.
  • Exceeding the legal fun limit on a regular basis.
  • Meditation is not what you think.
  • 87% of all statistics are worthless.
  • It's easier to obtain forgiveness than permission.
  • A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.
  • I'm joining the Procrastinators Club - soon
  • Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.
  • Sorry, no tagline. Check back next week
  • A can of worms full of Pandoraís boxes.
  • This message edited for the ironically impaired.
  • Just visiting this planet.
  • A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
  • Ambivalence may or may not be my problem.
  • I just took an IQ test. The results were negative.
  • And many MILES to go before I sleep.
  • This tagline only uses recycled keystrokes.
  • There was a tagline here but someone stole it.
  • A metaphor is like a simile.
  • This Life is a test...It is only a test....
  • Excellent time to become a missing person.
  • Your foot, Your mouth....Go arrange a meeting.
  • I'm having one of those decades.
  • Another casualty of the seduction of insanity.
  • If your hand goes forth withhold your temper. If your temper goes forth withhold your hand.
  • This message will self-destruct in 5...4...3...2...1...
  • In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.
  • I drive way too fast to worry what foods will kill me.
  • If I could, I would, but I can't, so I won't.
  • Back off man! I'm a programmer...
  • Toddler: An indoor tornado.
  • Don't believe in miracles, count on them.
  • Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money.
  • A big enough hammer fixes anything.
  • Doubt grows with knowledge.
  • A skydiver is taken by the gravity of his situation.
  • Annoy your roommate: Skip to the bathroom.
  • Beam me up Scotty, no intelligent life on this forum.
  • Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand?
  • Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  • He whose face gives no light, shall never become a star. - William Blake
  • Donít play stupid with me! Iím better at it.
  • Alimony: The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
  • An ounce of emotion equals a ton of facts.
  • An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
  • Bad breath is better than no breath.
  • Alimony is short for all your money.
  • For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
  • Are you part of the problem, or part of the solution?
  • In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
  • Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
  • Proverb: Man who run behind car get exhausted.
  • If at first you don't succeed, forget skydiving.
  • If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
  • Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
  • Never judge a man by his taglines.
  • A kick in the butt is a step forward.
  • Recognize your own greatness, and be humbled by it.
  • It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
  • As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.
  • Software means never having to say youíre finished.
  • I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
  • Proverb: Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
  • Avoid cliches like the plague.
  • There's one fool in every married couple.
  • This tagline only to be removed by the consumer.
  • Anything demonstrated for a repairman will work perfectly.
  • Must you be a pothole in the highway of life?
  • All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money can't make me happy.
  • Kids - They're not sleeping, they're are recharging.
  • Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
  • Mother is the invention of necessity.
  • At the top of the food chain sits chocolate.
  • Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.
  • A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck.
  • There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
  • Mistakes are the dues one pays for a full life.
  • Be nice to your enemies, it drives them nuts.
  • You can not reason a man out of a position he did not reach through reason.
  • Spontaneity has its time and place.
  • A bad plan is better than no plan at all.
  • All the world's a stage and I just got the hook.
  • One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
  • Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else get your way.
  • All my friends tell me that peer pressure is cool.
  • My tagline writers are working overtime.
  • I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
  • ACOUSTIC: What you play pool with.
  • Why did the tachyon cross the road? Because it was on the other side.
  • An unreflected life is not worth living.
  • I'm in shape ... round is a shape isn't it?
  • It is better to be brief than boring.
  • Aging: when you sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
  • Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
  • The solution to the problem changes the problem.
  • A cynic is an idealist who has finally learned the truth.
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