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Funny and witty taglines found in email/forum signatures and on Facebook:

  • Always use tasteful words, you might have to eat them later.
  • I'm a perfectionist with other people's work.
  • I am in total control, but don’t tell my wife.
  • The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
  • I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off...
  • If you lie down with dogs, you'll rise up with fleas.
  • Try to fix the mistake...never the blame.
  • A smile increases your face value.
  • Optimists think this is the best possible world. Pessimists fear they are right.
  • I tried being reasonable once. I didn't like it.
  • I'm out of sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
  • Reality is that part of imagination we all agree on.
  • A man who would move a mountain must begin by carrying away a stone.
  • The views expressed here do not necessarily represent the unanimous view of all parts of my mind.
  • It's better to be an optimist and a fool, than a pessimist and right.
  • A bug is a son of a glitch.
  • Stranger then fiction.
  • I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
  • I'm just needling you about the thread.
  • Since I've used up all of my sick days, I'm calling in DEAD.
  • If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
  • Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits.
  • A rolling stone gathers momentum.
  • A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.
  • You are here. But you are not all there.
  • Stick: A boomerang that doesn’t work.
  • I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished
  • In every revolution there is one man with a vision.
  • It's hard to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys.
  • I have a speech impediment… my foot.
  • I never met a chocolate I didn't like.
  • It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.
  • All the world's a stage and I've got obstructed view seats.
  • Four minus two is one and the same.
  • I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.
  • Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
  • I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
  • Fanatic: Can't change his mind; won't change the subject.
  • The moral majority is neither.
  • Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.
  • Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.
  • A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
  • All great ideas have been controversial, at one time.
  • An ulcer is what you get mountain climbing over molehills.
  • Can't win, Can't break even, Can't quit
  • Poets go from bad to verse.
  • A "Just Peace" is when our side gets whatever it was that it wanted.
  • What we have here is a failure to communicate.
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  • Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
  • To achieve the impossible, attempt the absurd.
  • I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention.
  • The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
  • Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
  • I'm not as dumb as you look.
  • Insanity is fun if you do it right.
  • I tried to drown my problems but they can swim.
  • Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
  • 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
  • If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
  • I was born to Code, Compile, Link, Test, Debug!
  • Ask me about my vow of silence.
  • DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality
  • Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs…..Woof!
  • Famous last words: Trust me, I'm a consultant.
  • Life is full of undocumented features.
  • I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.
  • A lot of people mistake their imagination for their memory.
  • I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
  • It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
  • Peace will enter when hate is gone. - Percy Mayfield
  • A woman knows the value of love, but a man knows its cost.
  • A diet is a weigh of life.
  • From the Department of Redundancy Department.
  • Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them more.
  • BYTE ME -- BYTE ME -- BYTE ME -- BYTE ME
  • Interchangeable devices won't. Interchangeable parts won't.
  • And thus we are all connected in the great Circle of Life.
  • Do invisible cats drink evaporated milk?
  • You cannot dry dishes with a wet towel.
  • WARNING: My messages are offensive to morons.
  • It's someone else's fault!
  • Can't learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly!
  • A smile is a window on your face that shows your heart is home.
  • It is, after all, only a moment in the infinity of time.
  • Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
  • Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage
  • Two most common elements: hydrogen, stupidity.
  • Captain, this forum seems highly illogical.
  • The more I learn, the less I know.
  • Always use your enemies hand to catch a snake.
  • A crisis is when you can't say "Let's forget about it."
  • A big mouth travels far and fast.
  • Always glad to share my ignorance – I’ve got plenty.
  • I make my own reality.
  • I was on a roll till I slipped on the butter.
  • Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.
  • Does anybody know what's going on?
  • A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.
  • ASCII no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
  • If it's useless and does nothing, call it v1.0
  • Everything is a lot like something else.
  • I'm not lost, I'm "locationally challenged."
  • The best prophet of the future is the past.
  • Constant change is here to stay.
  • A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle
  • Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.
  • Anyone who says he can see though women is missing a lot.
  • And there were plagues of locusts, and frogs, and Windows.
  • Every day is the dawn of a new error.
  • History repeats itself because nobody listens.
  • Paranoia: Believing this tagline is about you.
  • All things are difficult before they are easy.
  • A day not wasted is a day wasted.
  • I avoid cliches like the plague.
  • The irony of life is that no one gets out alive.
  • How does one expect the unexpected?
  • WOMAN.ZIP....Great program, no documentation!
  • My fallacies are more logical than your fallacies.
  • All beginnings are difficult.
  • If it ain't broke yet, let me have a shot at it.
  • If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.
  • Where two wrongs don't make a right, but they make us feel real good.
  • Drilling for oil is boring.
  • If at first you don't succeed, give up.
  • Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
  • This Tagline was filmed before a live studio audience.
  • Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
  • Any wire cut to length will be too short.
  • When you pass the buck, don't expect to get change back.
  • There are no atheists in the foxholes.
  • The lame dog may miss the hunt, but not the meal.
  • Where are we going? And why am I in this hand basket?
  • If you wish work poorly done, pay in advance.
  • Anarchy is against the law.
  • It's never as easy as the manual says it is.
  • No one ever said "if I'd only spent more time in the office".
  • It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
  • New restaurant on the moon. Great food, no atmosphere.
  • There's no such word as FAIL in my vocabulary.
  • Asking a question is embarrassing for a moment, but not asking is embarrassing for a lifetime. - Haruki Murakami
  • He who dies with the most taglines, wins!
  • Afraid of heights? Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
  • It's never too late to have a happy childhood
  • Warranty void if tagline removed.
  • It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money.
  • Elephant - Mouse built to government specs.
  • A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.
  • It's kind of fun doing the impossible.
  • The bureaucracy expands to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
  • Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour.
  • Truth is just another misconception.
  • Love is like oxygen - You get too much, you get too high - Not enough and you're gonna die.
  • The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
  • Standards? Sure, we've got hundreds of 'em.
  • A big enough gun will adjust any attitude.
  • If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough.
  • All the world's a Schrodinger box, and we are merely cats.
  • Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do.
  • Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace.
  • Some men are discovered. Others are found out.
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