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Funny quotes used as taglines in email signatures, forum postings, and on Facebook:

  • Be reasonable, do it my way.
  • Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
  • Now, here's something we hope you'll really like! - Bullwinkle
  • Enlightenment is only a state of mind.
  • Unbreakable toys are useful for breaking other toys.
  • I wish my mouth had a BACKSPACE key.
  • ASCII stupid question - get a stupid ANSI
  • It's always darkest before you step on the cat.
  • You can disagree without being disagreeable.
  • Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals.
  • Always double check to make sure you haven't any words out.
  • Entropy isn't what it used to be.
  • Bulldozer: One who sleeps through a political speech.
  • Nostalgia just ain't what it used to be.
  • Pilots are just plane people.
  • Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep 'till noon.
  • As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.
  • There's my way, and then there's the easy way.
  • You're so vain I bet you think this tagline's about you.
  • I live on a one way dead end street. I have no idea how I got there. - Steven Wright
  • A sadness shared is a sadness halved.
  • Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
  • Never enough time, unless you're serving it.
  • It's never as easy as you think.
  • WARNING! Removal of this tagline prohibited by law!
  • Iím not broke, Iím just badly bent.
  • The other line always moves faster.
  • Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  • Some Do, Some Don't, Some Will and Some Won't.
  • Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
  • A friend asks only for your time, not your money.
  • Familiarity breeds children.
  • Do you ever get the feeling that the computer is pushing YOUR button?
  • All computers wait at the same speed.
  • When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
  • Carpenter's Rule: Cut to fit; beat into place.
  • God wills it may be answer enough, but God does not will what people will not do.
  • A chicken is an eggís way of producing more eggs.
  • Good morning! Is an opinion, not a greeting.
  • Cat (kat') n. Dog with an attitude problem.
  • Always borrow from a pessimist - they never expect it back.
  • Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.
  • If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
  • You're not paranoid if everybody is really after you.
  • In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king.
  • Old postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
  • Archaeologist: One whose career lies in ruins.
  • Beware of quantum ducks: quark, quark.
  • Anyone who makes a blanket statement is a fool.
  • I've had fun before. This isn't it.
  • A winner makes commitments; a loser makes promises.
  • Shin: Device for finding furniture in the dark.
  • I think you have me confused with someone who gives a darn.
  • Despair: an extra tire in de trunk.
  • Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do.
  • If winning isn't important, then why keep score?
  • I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
  • Never mistake motion for action...
  • Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
  • A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free.
  • Don't just DO something, STAND THERE!
  • A dog wags its tail with its heart.
  • A fault recognized is half corrected.
  • A girlfriend may be a free trial, but you get a life sentence.
  • A little revolution every now and then is good.
  • My lucky color just faded.
  • Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
  • I resemble that remark...
  • A lot of effort went into making this effortless.
  • How come this jacket they gave me doesn't have sleeves?
  • A shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.
  • Get the facts first - you can distort them later.
  • One man's windows are another man's walls.
  • A bad beginning makes for a good ending.
  • A man's best friend is his dogma.
  • I don't have a solution but I do admire the problem.
  • Any government which fears arms in the hands of its people...should.
  • There is a right way, a wrong way, and my way!
  • Alimony is always having to say you're sorry.
  • Why should I add to my troubles by facing reality?
  • Leak proof seals will, self-starters won't.
  • All I need to know about life I learned from Star Trek.
  • Proverb: Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
  • Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it.
  • Sign on a clothing store - Come inside and have a fit.
  • Speculation is the return lane of the road to knowledge.
  • You don't have to be crazy to work here - they train you.
  • Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
  • One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a person gain 5 pounds.
  • Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me.
  • It takes years to become an overnight success.
  • Never eat yellow snow.
  • Only sensible people agree with me.
  • Biology grows on you.
  • Proverb: Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
  • I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
  • All dressed up & nowhere to go.
  • A debugged program is one for which you have not yet found the conditions that make it fail.
  • Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
  • A fool must now and then be right by chance.
  • Sarcasm: barbed ire.
  • Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.
  • I warn you not to underestimate my powers.
  • There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.
  • I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
  • Proverb: Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.
  • When you see a snake, never mind where he came from.
  • Proverb: Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
  • But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination?
  • A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
  • A running mate is a husband who dared to talk back.
  • I have an important role as a bad example.
  • The pendulum has gone full circle.
  • Learn from history or repeat it. Same goes for math science and English.
  • I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.
  • A day without Pizza just doesn't slice it.
  • City Morgue: You stab 'em, we slab 'em.
  • Death is nature's way of recycling human beings.
  • A big mouth travels far.
  • Sorry, my mind has a few bad sectors.
  • Life would be easier if I had the source code.
  • As I said before, I never repeat myself.
  • Try not! Do or do not. There is no try. - Yoda
  • If screwups were dollars, I'd be a millionaire.
  • Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
  • They say I'm crazy but I haven't the time.
  • The mistake you make is trying to figure it out.
  • As I was saying, I hate it when people don't finish their
  • All the world's a stage and I just forgot my lines.
  • A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.
  • Take my advice. I'm not using it.
  • Love means nothing to a tennis player.
  • Never test for an error you don't know how to handle.
  • The discontented man finds no easy chair.
  • It is easier to put on slippers then to carpet the world.
  • I find myself beside a stream of empty thought.
  • This isn't hell, but I can see it from here.
  • Two guys in the woods who encounter a bear. The first guy shouts "Run!" and they both start running with the bear in pursuit. As the bear starts catching up the second guy says "Are you crazy? We can't outrun a bear." The first guy says "I know. I only have to outrun you."
  • Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition.
  • A concrete example is very hard to carry around.
  • When you climb into the saddle, you'd better be prepared to ride.
  • As King Arthur said: Some days it all seems so feudal.
  • There is no vaccine against stupidity.
  • Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate.
  • Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
  • Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeros.
  • Iím making a career of evil.
  • Do not disturb -- I'm disturbed enough already.
  • I'm not fat, just horizontally disproportionate.
  • A Smith & Wesson ALWAYS beats 4 Aces.
  • All I want is a little more than I can spend.
  • A successful symposium depends on the ratio of meeting to eating.
  • A helicopter pilot's life has it's ups and downs.
  • My tagline is in the shop. This is a loaner.
  • It is better to have others think you a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.
  • I was a snowball in hell.
  • The backup's not over 'til the FAT table sings.
  • There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
  • A slotted spoon holds little soup, but grabs a potato.
  • Make headlines. Use a corduroy pillow.
  • Death sneaks up on you as a windshield sneaks up on a bug.
  • Blah, blah, blah...
  • I am a mental tourist, My mind wanders.
  • In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
  • What's the point in being grown up if you can't act childish?
  • Everyone is entitled to my opinion, just ask me.
  • Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
  • When hell freezes over, I'll ski there too.
  • Don't be so open minded your brains fall out.
  • There are 2 ways to handle women and I know neither.
  • TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
  • The problem is that many people confuse breathing in and out with living.
  • So, what's this "RESET" button do?
  • Avenge the death of the working class!
  • A dog is just a dog until he faces you, then he is Mr. Dog.
  • An obstacle is not the end. It's a new beginning.
  • Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
  • The road to success is always under construction.
  • Iím easy to please as long as I get my way.
  • Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
  • Alimony? ...sounds kinda like ""all yer money""
  • Never send a monster to do the work of an evil scientist.
  • A winner says "Let's find out."; a loser says "Nobody knows."
  • Many receive advice, only the wise profit by it.
  • Avert misunderstanding by calm poise and balance.
  • Someday you'll look back on this and laugh.
  • The cure for writer's cramp is writer's block.
  • And I thought *I* had problems!
  • A communist is a socialist without a sense of humor.
  • Laughter: The shortest distance between two people.
  • If you associate with the wise, you will become wise.
  • The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
  • Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell.
  • A big lie is often more plausible than the truth.
  • Only the leftists are right anymore.
  • Adam to Eve: "I'll wear the plants in this family."
  • Didn't I meet you in some other hallucination??
  • Are we THERE yet?
  • Eat healthy, exercise, and die anyway.
  • I am not a molecule, I am a free radical!
  • Ignorance can be cured. Stupidity is forever.
  • Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
  • All people really die, but not all people really live.
  • Morgue: you stab'em, we slab'em!
  • Worry casts a huge shadow on a small problem.
  • Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go!
  • Never fight with a bear in his own cave.
  • A great many open minds should be closed for repairs.
  • For THIS I bought a computer?
  • The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Skydiving is good till the last drop.
  • Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
  • To refuse to decide is a decision.
  • A society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers.
  • Almost had a psychic girlfriend - she left me before we met.
  • A lie is most convincingly hidden between two truths.
  • A wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
  • All my cruel acts are justified by the fact that I am a cruel person.
  • A truly wise person knows that he knows not.
  • All taglines are busy at this time. Please hold.
  • Your family tree has no branches.
  • Copy from another: plagiarism. Copy from many: research.
  • Avalanche or roadblock, I was a snowball in hell.
  • A wealthy mind makes good cents.
  • Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
  • Sanity is relative ... but not one of mine.
  • Behind every successful woman - herself.
  • I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS.
  • A woman's place is in the house...and in the senate.
  • A hangover can best be described as the wrath of grapes.
  • A friend's eye is a good mirror.
  • Clones are people two.
  • A friend in need is a pain in the neck.
  • I'd like some JUNK FOOD...then I want to be ALONE.
  • If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
  • What we need is Scratch N Sniff taglines.
  • A bachelor can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.
  • If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.
  • Every man's work is a portrait of himself.
  • We all live in a yellow subroutine.
  • Proverb: Man with one chopstick go hungry.
  • All that we are is the result of what we have thought.
  • Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
  • Once I thought I was wrong - but I was mistaken.
  • Wit is cultured insolence.
  • To hell with justice...I want blood.
  • Good times end too quickly. Bad times go on forever.
  • A fool and his money were never too close to begin with.
  • Look out for number one. But don't step in number two.
  • A trip of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
  • As long as the horn works, who needs brakes?
  • Argue if you must, just remember I'm right.
  • A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it. - H.L. Mencken.
  • How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
  • I can resist anything but temptation.
  • Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
  • A cynic's work is never done.
  • A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with stolen lantern.
  • It is bad luck to be superstitious.
  • A laugh is a smile that bursts.
  • A committee has 6 or more legs and no brain.
  • Show me a sane man. I'll cure him for you.
  • A candle that lights another does not lose anything.
  • Computers can never replace human stupidity.
  • Always keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps the singing bird will come.
  • Does killing time damage eternity?
  • As soon as you realize I'm God, we'll get along fine.
  • Many are educated...few are learned.
  • Avoid reality at all costs.
  • Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
  • If you can't fix it, call it a feature.
  • ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
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