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Witty taglines you can use in your email signature, forum postings, and on Facebook:

  • Your so out to lunch you make me hungry.
  • The next sentence is true. The last sentence was false.
  • A company is known by the people it keeps.
  • The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. - Marcel Proust.
  • A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.
  • The whole history of the world is summed up in the fact that, when nations are strong, they are not always just, and when they wish to be just, they are no longer strong. - Winston Churchill
  • If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
  • Caution: Contents under pressure!
  • The cream rises to the top. So does the scum.
  • The cruelest lies are told in silence.
  • My reality check just bounced.
  • 'Tis better to be hunter than hunted.
  • Religion: myth-information.
  • My only domestic quality is that I live in a house.
  • All in all just another brick in the wall.
  • Itís easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • A thousand stars do not equal the light of one moon.
  • Age is a matter of the mind. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
  • Donít force it, use a bigger hammer.
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
  • My kid can beat up your honor student.
  • The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
  • Iím a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore Iím perfect.
  • I was born this way! What's your excuse?
  • My Tagline Creator Is On Vacation.
  • Sit down, you're rocking the boat.
  • If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
  • To err is human. To blame someone for your errors is even more human.
  • A long time ago in a galaxy far far away...
  • A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind.
  • Iíd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma.
  • The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
  • All rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full.
  • Thank you for encouraging my behavior.
  • After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
  • I live in my own world... Peaceful visitors welcome...
  • A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
  • COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
  • Facts just get in the way and impede progress.
  • All things are possible. Except skiing through a revolving door.
  • Boy Am I Tired, it Must Be The NET-LAG.
  • Proverb: He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.
  • Are you out of my mind?
  • All men are different, but husbands are all alike.
  • Department of Redundancy Department
  • A watched pot may never boil, but the cook certainly does.
  • My mother told me a million times not to exaggerate.
  • Your motherboard wears combat reboots.
  • A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
  • Those who won't think will have it done for them.
  • Death benefits = oxymoron.
  • If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough - Albert Einstein
  • Appreciate me now - and avoid the rush.
  • Try to get back on topic, he said moderately.
  • Just because you say it doesn't make it true.
  • To do nothing is also a good remedy.
  • Explain counter-clockwise to someone with a digital watch.
  • A rose is not a rose when it's a brick.
  • PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?
  • Proverb: Man who loves and loses, have not right lawyer.
  • Today is canceled due to lack of interest.
  • Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
  • Earning money would be fun if it wasn't so taxing.
  • Excuse me while I bang my head against a wall.
  • A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
  • Even the smallest candle dispels the darkness.
  • A tagline is a terrible thing to waste.
  • Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.
  • Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse.
  • A lie in time saves nine.
  • It it ain't broke, let me have a shot at it.
  • Energy derives from both the + and negative.
  • I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
  • Some days you're a bug, some days you're a windshield.
  • Does fuzzy logic tickle?
  • Caution: This tagline stops for page breaks.
  • If it works, it must be obsolete.
  • Words must be weighed, not counted.
  • Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
  • Any questions?
  • Scandal & romance make the best sweeteners of tea.
  • My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours.
  • All general statements are false.
  • There's an answer to every question. Sometimes it's No.
  • Is there life before coffee?
  • Always drive slower than your guardian angel can fly.
  • Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
  • Evolution: God's way of issuing updates.
  • You're only as old as you feel.. the next day
  • Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
  • An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.
  • It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
  • Life: what happens while you're making other plans.
  • He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
  • By all means, let's not confuse ourselves with the facts.
  • Donít believe in miracles, expect them.
  • Why wasn't I born rich instead of beautiful?
  • Only those who don nothing make no mistakes.
  • A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
  • You can fool some of the people some of the time, and that is sufficient.
  • This mind intentionally left blank.
  • To get the right answer you have to ask the right question.
  • A "running mate" is a husband who dared to talk back.
  • Try our new dehydrated water! Just add ...uh...er...
  • A true friend walks in when everyone else leaves.
  • A closed mind gathers no knowledge.
  • A stumble may prevent a fall.
  • When Puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have Puns.
  • A bug is a feature that didn't make it into the manual.
  • If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.
  • Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
  • All answers questioned here.
  • The problem with the gene pool is there's no lifeguard.
  • To live well, know the difference between good and evil.
  • Be a better shrink and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
  • Documentation is the castor oil of programming.
  • Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal.
  • We must be the change we wish to see. - Mahatma Ghandi
  • Everything is just a thing.
  • A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
  • Fad: In one era and out the other.
  • Those who say it can't be done should get out of the way of those doing it.
  • Know what I hate? I hate rhetorical questions.
  • Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
  • A seminar on Time Travel will be held 2 weeks ago
  • All believers in telekinesis raise my hand.
  • Accept a breath mint if someone offers you one.
  • Experience is a good teacher but her fees are high.
  • Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
  • This Lonely Tagline Seeking A Mate.
  • Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
  • A budget is as aim that rarely shows good marksmanship.
  • Free advice is worth what you pay for it.
  • Enough research will tend to support your theory.
  • Chicken Little only has to be right once.
  • Proverb: Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.
  • One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
  • A tagline a day keeps the moderator away.
  • Dinner Not Ready...(A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
  • Why don't "minimalists" find a shorter name for themselves?
  • I'm busier than a one-eyed cat watching two mouse holes.
  • The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
  • End of Message - Stop reading.
  • A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
  • If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
  • To love another person is to see the face of God.
  • Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
  • Pogo sticks make people jumpy.
  • I'm not lost - just misguided.
  • Always yield to temptation. It may never pass your way again.
  • All the world's a stage and I missed rehearsal.
  • I still miss my ex-wife Ė but my aim is improving.
  • Warning: This message may cause drowsiness.
  • Conventional wisdom, isn't.
  • One man's upload is another man's download.
  • If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
  • Silence is evidence of a superb command of the language.
  • Question Authority, ask me anything.
  • Alimony is having to say you're sorry once a month.
  • Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening
  • Never stand between a dog and a fire hydrant.
  • A girl can be bad at history, but great on dates.
  • This tagline was written before a live studio audience.
  • I'm not old, I'm "chronologically disadvantaged".
  • Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"?
  • 'Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
  • Keep honking...I'm reloading.
  • All women are automatically born with a shopping disorder.
  • Kilroy occupied these coordinates.
  • Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions.
  • Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
  • Crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it.
  • Where the keyboard is mightier than the sword.
  • This isn't a tag line. It just looks like one.
  • Famous last words: You and what army?
  • By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
  • Alimony: When your former spouse is living beyond your means.
  • We all have our opinions, but mine is correct.
  • Idiots rise to the level of their incompetency.
  • Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
  • I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
  • Worry is as effective as shoveling smoke.
  • Famous last words: Don't worry, I can handle it.
  • You can log off any time you like, but you can never leave.
  • Don't eat the yellow snow.
  • De agony of delete.
  • Every time I have all the answers, someone changes the questions.
  • A fool and his money are soon popular.
  • Random answers: $1, Correct answers: $5, Dumb looks: Free
  • It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
  • Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
  • A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.
  • A goal is a dream with a deadline.
  • No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
  • The older I get the better I used to be.
  • Just when you think you've won the rat race, along come faster rats.
  • To a cat, 'NO!' means 'Not while I'm looking'.
  • There is always one more bug.
  • A tagline a day keeps the doctor away.
  • A "Cashless God". Is THAT what they mean by "non Denominational"?
  • I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.
  • Don't question authority; it doesn't know either.
  • If you're 1 in 1 million, there's 2500 of you.
  • A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
  • Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
  • When the going gets tough... The tough go drinking.
  • If you get to the end, who cares about the means?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
  • They just don't make nostalgia like they used to.
  • Warning - The 'esc' key doesn't work in Leavenworth.
  • Stop the world, I want to get off.
  • I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
  • Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
  • In God we trust, all others pay cash.
  • To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die.
  • I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days.
  • Reward for a job well done: more work
  • Keep stress out of your life. Give it to others instead.
  • He that knows nothing, doubts nothing.
  • Same as it ever was, same as it ever was...
  • Close your eyes and press escape three times.
  • Warning: Whimsical when bored.
  • A good businessman is know by the company he keeps.
  • I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous.
  • And the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls.
  • An electrical engineer deals with current events.
  • If thereís one thing I canít stand, itís intolerance.
  • The eyes are the mirror of the soul.
  • Brain damage? No thanks, I have some already.
  • Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
  • How much can I get away with and still go to Heaven?
  • Winners never quit and quitters never win.
  • Hollow chocolate has no calories.
  • Spending a year dead for tax purposes.
  • If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
  • A cat could be man's best friend, but never stoops to it.
  • A police state is great, so long as you're the police.
  • I will always love the false image I had of you.
  • Apathy is the glove into which evil slips its hand.
  • If in doubt, mumble.
  • Too bad that stupidity isn't painful.
  • Donít ask me, Iím making this up as I go.
  • It takes a long time to understand nothing.
  • To err is Human. To blame someone else is politics.
  • Age is the best possible fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
  • Life is one situation you'll never get out of alive.
  • All I need to know I learned from my cat.
  • My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  • I'm much too young to feel this damned old.
  • The best defense against logic is stupidity.
  • Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
  • If you can't be good, be careful.
  • Iíd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.
  • When wine goes in, secrets come out.
  • Are taglines the footnotes of reality?
  • Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
  • I'm feeling argumentative. Please contradict me.
  • When one eye is fixed upon your destination, there is only one eye left with which to find the way.
  • How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
  • I'd enjoy the day more if it started later.
  • A good friend can listen and hear what was never said.
  • An open mind gathers no dust.
  • The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.
  • Do, or do not. There is no try. - Yoda
  • Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
  • Proverb: Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloon.
  • No amount of planning will replace dumb luck.
  • And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
  • I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
  • Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
  • Anyone with money to burn will easily find someone to tend their fire.
  • It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
  • Lead me not into temptation; I'll find my own way.
  • A pessimist is never disappointed.
  • I'm making a career of evil.
  • If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
  • A fool and his money is my kind of customer.
  • Although up to its neck in hot water, the tea kettle continues to sing.
  • People ask you for criticism, but they only want praise.
  • Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
  • A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
  • Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
  • Don't take life too seriously, it's not permanent.
  • Caution: brain on cruise control.
  • That was Zen; this is Tao.
  • A government subsidy is simply getting some of your own money back.
  • Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.
  • If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.
  • Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure...
  • Deep down I'm really shallow.
  • Any given program, once working, is obsolete.
  • Individualists of the world, UNITE!
  • To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
  • A stiff neck usually supports an empty head.
  • Don't get mad, get even.
  • Never moon a werewolf.
  • Proverb: Man who places head in sand will get kicked in the end.
  • Stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?
  • Don't use no double negatives.
  • One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
  • Anything is impossible, if you don't attempt it.
  • Rome wasn't burned in a day.
  • You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
  • The only rose without thorns is friendship.
  • My last original thought died of loneliness.
  • Calm down. It's only ones and zeros.
  • Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
  • F u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng
  • Knowledge is knowing that you don't know.
  • The truth will be found when it is no longer needed.
  • A thousand lakes reflect the moon in a thousand different ways.
  • Today's subliminal message is " "
  • ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.
  • Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.
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