i love her more than ever
i've been debating for a few months with myself. i've tried to get over her, but it's just not happening. i still love her!!
For the past few months, i've always been thinking about this amazing girl, the initials F.B. I know and i think i'm falling in love but i'm scared to...
Gears of War should be more romantic.
I hoped that when he invited me to play video games online with him it meant he was really too shy to ask me on a date.
I'm always punching myself in the face
Figuratively of course. As it turns out I find myself emotionally involved with 2 women. The circumstances are complex. Since said circumstances do not allow me to share my dilemma with those close to me I will share it here. A little over 6 months ago my girlfriend dumped me. It was entirely unexpected, literally like a bombshell landed in my living room. I was stunned, hurt, and shocked. Within weeks, she was already dating someone else. I was forced to leave our apartment, and she even went as far as to not allow me entry into the apartment to get my own things. Now I was unaware until the breakup that things were this bad. I assumed all was well, a sentiment she echoed to me on numerous occassions. For whatever reason, she decided it was all to much. I spent the next few months drowning myself in booze. I've never been the type to seek absolution in the form of substances. I was simply so distraught over the
ordeal that I never managed to find a way to
cope normally. Sometime later she randomly calls me, to inform me it was a huge mistake to leave me. We reconnect on some level and things are going well until......Another girl walks into my life, thru Facebook of all things. Just so happens this other girl is my best friend's ex. They've been apart for well over a year (nearly two) and we we're very flirtatious. We hung out a few times, and she told me how much she liked me. Now I find myself desiring both women. On one hand I want what I've always had, but I'm bitter about the betrayal she put me through. Then I want to be with the other girl, but realize the difficulties we'd face letting everyone know. So I'm breaking my own heart on two fronts really. Wanting two things, and realizing it's impossible to have both.
I love another woman's children. They should have been mine. I could make him feel loved if he left her and brought his children with him, to me. All children deserve to feel loved by their mother.
I am utterly full of self loathing. I wish I weren't so needy and emotional, but I'm so dependent on others, yet I'm a triangle peg being jammed into the star box of everyone's expectations. Now that I'm sick people try to help them but my different drummer self is driving them up the wall. I don't have any idea what I've done wrong many times, and when I do know what I've done to irritate them I can't be able to seem to fix it. It sucks. I hate myself for being a burden. I hate myself for being sick. I hate myself for dissapointing loved ones. And when I try to conform just to not dissapoint people who are trying to help me, I hate the fakeness that I am, an utterly empty shell. ITs not my. I'm watching in disgust from the sidelines. I wish I had worth in my life. The only worth I feel is that I've never abandoned my children no matter how sick I feel and I'm not leaving them motherless even if I am a semi-bad mother. For all the
mistakes I make, I hope one day at least they know they
have a mother who cared enough to try.
My roommate pissed me off, so I scrubbed our sink with her toothbrush.
I know we all laugh about my "alcoholism" but in reality, I get drunk every night to beat the insomnia and because I hate thinking the fact that I don't get to be with him whenever I want any more. If sober, I just lie there, wide awake, crying.
I've never had a boyfriend
I'm 18, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed. I don't want to be like this forever.
I hate my sister
I know it sounds really bad, but she is someone that I can't stand to be around. She is three years younger than me. I have to live in the same house as her. She is disgusting and just down-right mean. I don't even try to get along with her anymore, its useless. The little sister that I used to know is dead to me. Most people don't even know we're related. We don't even speak to each other while we're in the same house.
Love at first sight
Ive been in love with a girl ever since the first day I laid eyes on her years ago when I was in school with her, we had the odd kiss etc but I never built up the courage to tell her how I really felt, I was only about 15 at the time and I really did think Id get over it, I put it down to growing up and thought Id be able to move on and it was just one of those things you had to experience growing up. Ive since tried moving on, Ive got a girlfiend now who I have bought a house with and really do not want to hurt, but I cant get this girl out of my head, I still dream about her and its eating me up inside, I ache for her so much it hurts and I really feel the need to tell her just how much I love her after all of these years. As I said, I dont want to cause any harm, but Ive been thinking about maybe just sending her some flowers, just to let her know that someone (me) really loves her and adores her......good idea or bad idea? I really
need some closure and to get this off my
chest one way or another because I cant carry this around keeping it to myself any longer, im 26 years old now and these feeling for her just wont pass no matter how much I try and put her out of my head.
I need her next to me
I have a giant crush on another female in the building where I work. She is the reason I get out of bed, and go to work. I have never wanted to be with anyone as much as I want her. Problem #1 is she's married. Problem #2 is she's going to be the death of me. I'm required to do a lot of driving, and I can't concentrate on the task at hand. I just can't stop thinking about her. I know that being with her would be close to impossible, but I can dream, and believe me when I say I do. She's gorgeous (her eyes could melt the polar ice caps), smart, and witty. And if I die in a car wreck, and she's the last thing on my mind... then what a way to go. Who knows, maybe dreams can come true. I'm hoplessly hooked.
Okay... This I Just Gotta Get Off My Chest!
Okay soo... I'm sixteen Right? A guy... and Str8, what a bonus :o - - - Now this is unusual for me to say this, but I absoloutly LOVE Dolly Parton! She is amazing!! And so what a little plastic couldnt hurt anyone right? Love You DOLLY
And Dont you Dare Readers!!! Jolene, 9 to 5, Bargain store, DIVORCE, Smokey Mountains, plus much more... and no i dont get paid to say this... seriously... no! Whose with me ?
My best friend moved away 1 year ago and i hate it that she has moved on and has new friends i always look at her Facebook page and look at all the pictures of her with her friends and boys all over her i hate it.
Why do we bother?
I'm beginning to hate everything. Nature is boring and empty. Eating food is a chore...I wish I could just live off of vitamins and coffee. Music is played out. Nothing is really sacred in this world, it seems. There are only three things left in this world that I get enjoyment from:
1. Romance with my man 2. Skydiving 3. My job (it's an adrenaline job). Everything is else is boring and I can't be bothered. The magic is gone and I live for no good reason that I can think of. Maybe I should go have some kids or something.
I have no hope. I'm just here. I don't know what I have to look forward to. I feel like I've done all the living I could possibly want to do. I don't understand people who want to live to be 120 years old. That's just madness. I have to think that such people are either idiots or really skilled escapists because reality is ugly and that's the truth. Maybe I should dope myself up so that I don't have to be conscious of this wretched experience called "living." Barf. I can't sleep.
hate turned forward
i've decided that even though i hate eveyone (aside from a few personal closies), i still want to be here and be personable. and what finally brought me round is a weekend at home cleaning my home and growing my plants, come end of the summer i'll have tomatoes, chives, basil, green pepper and cilantro. it's nice to look forward to my tiny weeny plants growing into less grocery shopping, and you know what? it makes a difference in this extrinsicly motivated society.
I stole my friend's (for 9 yrs) boyfriend.
In the eyes of my other high school friends, I am the witch. I am the one who *stole* him away. He and I have always liked each other for the past 3 years, but he was too chicken to ask me out during that time, fearing a loss of our friendship. Eventually, and 3 years later, we confessed how much we liked each other. It actually happened WHILE he was still with his gf. He dated her because he suppressed feelings for me to keep our friendship. Unfortunately, he realized there was something missing in his life when he moved to another city to be with her: and it was me. Now I've lost those high school friends because I chose to be with him. Some have been ignoring me. One that I used to talk to a lot deleted me on facebook. Another mutual friend seems distant when she talks to me. I should start accepting that those girls won't talk to me again for a mistake that I made. Is this guy really worth it? He was my
best friend for 3 years. He's really
something to me though. I couldn't hide my feelings any longer.
I have to confess it somewhere. I am hurting myself. I am withholding food all day and then eating all night. I feel totally out of control. I drink so much liquids I think I might over hydrate and die - I have symptoms-dizziness etc. I am so thin. My mother thinks it is because I have a food-allergy-driven restricted diet. But that is not why I am so thin. I starve. I hate how it feels. The not eating is better than the overeating. The worst part is I want to stop but have no one I feel I can trust to tell. I feel so bad, I feel trapped. I want it to stop but feel I need to battle through this. But the last few years have been brutal. I do not know if I can survive more upheaval. And then, tomorrow morning I will wake up and feel fine-all better-like I am normal. Where does this torn-up girl go to and why will she not stay there? Where is the happy day time girl and how can I make her come back? How do I survive this? I have no