i have no real friends. i don't know why. i'm too lazy to go out there and work to meet real friends. and everyone where i live is stupid. i know when i turn 21, i'll go out to the bars and start meeting people worth my time, but until then, i am depressed.
i'm not ano, i'm just not hungry
so i'm pretty thin, right... like- i'm 5'9, and maybe 105 pounds. and i'm a dude. and everyone thinks i'm anorexic. but i'm not! i just don't eat very much because i like the attention i get from being thin. but i totally binge eat, too. like - i'll eat all day long, crazy amounts of food, and then not eat again for a couple of days. i'll just have a cup of coffee. i sometimes wish i were a little bulkier, but i love having people constantly worrying over my skinniness.
i am utterly in love with someone who is sometimes lovely and sometimes horrible. i would rather be treated badly by her than lose her. i am so lost.
i was on the bottle 'til i was 20..yes..twenty years old. it sounds outrageous and insane, but it was a great comfort that i never wanted to give up. i NEEDED to have a bottle of warm milk when i woke up, and usually before bed, although as i got older i mainly just "needed" one when i woke up. it was sort of like when people say they can't start their day without a cup of coffee, i couldn't start mine without my bottle of milk. only my parents, brother, and grandparents knew about this after i reached a certain age (4 or 5). after that, my mom would hide it in the back of the refrigerator so guests wouldn't find out about my secret". i'm 22 now
i cant stand the fact that she can make me feel like this
lost my son, regeting it big time
my wife and i split, and took my 2 year old son back to the other side of the world where she grew up. i asked her to leave, i just couldn't put up with her anymore. i knew that this would happen, that she would go back. i knew that it was final and that this would be it, forever, as far as i her and i are concerned - and i knew that this also included my son. its been 6 months now and i know i made the right decision with her..but not with my son. i don't know how i am suppose to live without my boy. nothing feels right at all. i feel like i have totally walked out on him, and the thought of him growing up with out me as his dad just makes me so sick. the thought of not being able to teach him things, and do dad type stuff with him makes my stomach feel like its on its own personal roll coaster. i would give anything in the world to be with him, I've tried sorting things out with his mother..but i just can't stand
her, everything i say is taken as a personal
attack. when she was here, all i wanted was to just enjoy life with her and our family seems so unattainable with her..to do that we have to "discuss" things...which i am all for...but every single day there was something...something I've said to her thats mean or hurtful....a "tone" that i have used to ask her to do something was wrong...i mean how can you live like that every single day...you just can't spend your life explaining yourself over and over again its just never ended....until i ended it.
i know i made the right choice with her, it couldn't go on any longer...the stress and frustration was just unimaginable.
but i think the pain and sadness from not having my son is worse, and it seems to be getting worse everyday.
i used to imagine the future with my family, and it made me so happy. now when i look at my future..i just can't see anything that i want my future to be.
I don't have cancer. In fact I'm perfectly healthy. I lied because I don't feel there is anything special about me and if I do make up something tragic or funny about myself then no one will ever feel sorry for me or thing I'm interesting.
Even though she loves him
Even though she's with someone new, I still love her from the bottom of my heart. Even though she hurt me time and time again, I want her just the same. I lie to everyone telling them I don't care and she's a witch, when really I am dying inside to be with her. What is wrong with me?!
I'm not in love
Well, here I am. Fifty Five and still trapped in 1970. I had a girl, a wonderful girl, who I loved with all my heart. She just didn't love me. We married and the sun shone in my life. She left and I put it all so deep. I re-married, had two beautiful children. My second wife and I were never really close and I feel awful that I couldn't make her happy. We were never partners. Mine left me in 1976.
Strange really because I haven't seen her for over 30 years but she is still my little one. If I saw her in the street today I probably wouldn't recognise her and she certainly wouldn't see me. Like the old, given, soldiers - age does not weary her, she is still my girl.
So the title is; I'm not in love, but you see i am - still.
I'm not bitter I am bemused at why such a feeling of love for her has lasted so long. I believe you love, deeply once. She was my once.
Maybe I am wrong. I hope so. For all the others that have been in a similar situation. Have they, you, found true, madly, deeply love again. If so I am happy for you. I am sad for me, but so glad that I had it in the first place, as I KNOW how it feels.
After 28 years, I still miss Kitty from Rockville. Although most of the time I casually think about her, there are those time that my heart is in anguish from a mistake I may have made years ago. Don't let yours get away.
I'm madly in love with Aliza!!!!!
She's beautiful, sexy, challenging and.... married.
I wish you were fat and repulsive so that I could have you all to myself. I love you.
I haven't seen you in years, yet I can still feel the warmth of your smile. I am grateful for every moment that I spent with you and every laugh we shared and those have been the only moments where I truly felt unalone. Though it has been many years, the time we shared, however brief, still haunts me and everything since has been less. I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I never kissed you, I'm sorry that I let you leave without ever telling you everything that I should have said and everything that I have ever felt. I'm sorry that a part of me wishes I could forget your voice, your smile, and the happiness we shared. I'm sorry that the only regret that I have in my life is that I let you slip away.
Love doesnt die
A year ago I met this guy. He was in most of my classses and I started liking him. And I thought that I would never have a chance with him. Then school was over and we went to separeate schools because of boundaries but a couple months later I decide to leave him a mesage on myspace saying hi and he replied and we started takling. he told me that he used to like me back then and i liked him to. i felt so happy, he told me he liked me for me and that i was pretty. i fell back in love? we continued talking and we still do talk and he told me that even though we havent seen eachother in a year that he likes me again. Its wierd. I thought that i would have moved on but i didnt. and he didnt. so i find out hes coming to my school when begins in august and im counting the days. and we might hang out this week. i couldnt be happier but trust me theres more to the story then this. too much to write but if theres anyone out there dont be chicken.
confess to a guy that you like and make
sure you dont lose him. i was lucky and you may not be. go get him/her.
I frequently lurk on a depression support board. There is this chick there who drives me absolutely nuts. Young, apparently, and dumb...and vain...and boring. One of these whelps who seems to have forgotten that board is for people in serious turmoil, and is not a place to solicit advice on her latest thrilling love saga. ("He was like, 'no!', and I was like, 'yes,' and he was like, 'never!', and then he looked deep into my eyes but then he got a text from this cousin of a guy he used to know," etc, etc, etc.). I don't post there and would feel odd creating an account just so I could tell this dumb girl off. I am sorely tempted, though.
Sometimes I don't eat!
mostly i eat normally, maybe even a little more. I've got a good figure and am happy with the way i look. Occasionally though i may feel a little sad. Like when i broke up with my boyfriend i just felt sick all the tijme. So i stopped eating, unless i had to. At first i did it to make the sick feelings go away. Then i liked how skinny i got so i carried on, until i looked horribly skinny. Even now if i don't eat for a full day i get almost excited about it. I don't know why, it just helps when everything else is falling apart.......
I've always been brought up my my mum. I never had a Dad, i mean he was out there somewhere but was nothing to do with my life. Mostly i was happy with this. I had the occasional urge to find him, look at him and see if i could see me. But i never did. Then when i was in my teens i found him, i wrote him a letter asking if i could see him. I never sent that letter, it's in an old box. This i regret as now he has gone forever and i will never have the chance. He left behind other children but i think i should leave them be or will i then regret that?
I hate my Ex
I really hated him, he is stingy, arrogant, selfish and self-centred. Breaking up with him is not enough ease my hatred, I want him to die. And his evil brothers to die as well.