I told everyone that I did not have cancer. That it would all be OK. That I am just little sick and with time I will get better. I lied to everyone about it. I do have cancer of the Esophagus. I don't have the money to treat it and I will die from it before I get to see my kids grow up.
Please forgive me...
I proposed dating to a girl who was seeing another guy who is away at a foreign land. This girl had lately become my best friend. I knew that I was risking friendship, but I didn't want to keep my feelings to myself.
She said she couldn't see me in any other way but as a friend. I was cool at first. But then later she kept some demands in front of me. I was wondering if someone can expect so much from a "just a friend"... I was a little insecure about being used. I was serious about this girl. I feel awful for not being a friend. Thats not all. I tried to cut her off due to my own insecurity. I orchestrated a fight. I made her a greeting for her birthday. She said she didn't like some aspect of it. I threw a big fit. I was really bitter at her. I said something really mean about her not showing any signs of being a friend...
The thing is I really hurt her with what I said. She said that she cried herself to sleep. I said those things only to hurt her. Later on when we did talk again, I acted like a pompous jerk and didn't think I owed her an apology. When I cooled down, I thought I had over reacted... I apologized to her. She accepted. But its obvious, I have lost my best friend.
I'm a guy that loves wearing skirts. I particularly like denim mini's although I have tried a pencil skirt. This was ok, but the shorter skirts are a real thrill to wear. I love the feeling of the skirt on my legs and think they are so much better, smarter and more exciting then boring old trousers. I've just bought myself another skirt recently, again it's a mini with a rear zip fastener which I love. The feeling as I do the zip up is great and can't stop looking at it.
I think I have dual personalities...
On the one hand, I am a very polite, very smart kind individual.
On the other hand I have very crazy fantasies... sometimes violent, sometimes not:
-- For example, I will be sitting in class and think about raising my hand and saying something (not sure if I am day dreaming or not...the situation will play out as if i said something, then I will snap back to reality, and not be sure if I actually said anything or not.
-- Other times, I have very violent urges, to hit someone, or plan out how I will hit them or hurt them... i get lost in my daydream and then snap back, not knowing what has gone on for the past 5 minutes.
It takes an enormous amount of control to keep my realities straight, and I am afraid that one day I might act out a violent fantasy and not be aware of it. :(
I spend every day lying about my feelings. I about 10 months ago I split off an engagement for no reason. I'm not a huge drinker or drug addict. I work mon-fri and run a business. I'm in no debt and believe you have to live life however it makes you happy, yet I never seem to make myself happy. I've tried to make myself open my eyes to love but the two times I did i, without thinking the first time and constantly trying to figure it out the second time pushed myself out. I wish I could find love and know I'm happy.
getting on with it
dear lord, i have to say, some times its just really had being her on earth for no reason at all.
I love my dog
I have 3 dogs, 1 of which is a very large german shepherd, who is very protective of me, my family and our home. he has bitten a couple of family friends in the past due to feeling threatened with them in our back garden. i must emphasise this dog is unusually large and can appear ultra agggressive, but is a really fun loving dog and very gentle at heart. about a year ago now i was out walking him near our house across the nearby fields. he was off the lead and wondering along happily. when rounding a hedge row corner we came across a women walking her dog unexpectadly. my dog jumped up and bit her on the arm drawing blood. the women was flustered, i mananged to convince her that it was totally out of character for the dog to bite, it had never happened before and that she must have scared him. within 2 minutes she was convinced it was her fault and couldn't apoligise enough.
I haven't gone to any of my classes, and I only have two days left to withdraw. I've been lying to everyone and telling them I'm going. I've really been sleeping. I also don't know if I'll be able to withdraw, because I owe the school so much money. I kind of suck at life.
James Bond, Fireman
When I was a child - maybe I was about 9 or 10 years old, there was a fire round the back of my mates house. We were cheeky little kids, but we were a little bit in awe of real firemen, so we went up to them and asked for their autographs. When we handed the scrap of paper to the third fireman, I noticed a smirk on his face, so I examined the signatures. Apparently the fire had been put out by Mickey Mouse, James Bond and some other fictional character I no longer recall. At first I was a bit upset about being duped. I felt like getting my own back on them. But then I realised, I already had. After all, it was us that started the fire.
I live in a fairly large apt complex, and I have noticed this 5-7 yr old boy roaming around. I keep having urges to scare this kid. Not hurt or anything so drastic, but maybe scare him. Why? i have a 2 year old myself that I would never harm or scare! I probably would never try to scare the kid in real life, but its weird that the thoughts run through my head!
I have lost 1000 dollers today and i think over 7000 dollers in total in the last 3 years in poker machines. I am kind of got addicted to it. Also now i withdraw cash from my credit card to quench my thirst for gambling.. i have lost my self esteem and i don't see my self as good person any more. There are such a lot of good things i could have done with that money for my family or friends or any one who needs money.. to make things worse i lie about all these small things to my family.. i really feel to get out of this and get back my life.. I am going to do all that possible to get things straight in my life and use the time/money to good things.
forgive me father cuz i have sinned
i have put drugs and alcohol before my children. am lazy in regards to making money to better my family. i do not keep in touch with my family like i should.
I hate you I hate you I hate you. I don't know why, or when it started. But i can't stand you. When you touch me, I can't even try to hide the dismay on my face. or when you talk to me, I can't help but to reply with something rude.
i wish i could stop, i really really do, we used to have such great times, but i can't, and I wish that you could back away again. Or not just back away, leave. Which you will be, but it seems not soon enough. i can't try and be your friend again, because you are leaving, and it makes me sick. i think you are pathetic and wimpy. Your life is far better than anyone I know, and I hate you for thinking that it isn't. I JUST HATE. and I wish i didn't.
I feel like someone's ripped my heart from my chest. Hey, you still there? I just needed to say. Give you a heads up.ťAt this point, that feeling of doom, that feeling of please don't say what I think your gonna say, centred in my chest, I stop breathing, for an eternity, waiting for you to tell me forever. I wait. I might be going away for a while.
Okay now what do I do Can I be your friend?
Can I see you again? Knowing in my heart all the time,
You want my help, You want my advice,
You want me because I am stranger, Because I'm objective,
I am objective. I don't exist.
Thing is, I am real.
My whole world has been filled with rose and joy since I've met you, I cant sleep, I can't eat, I hang on your every word, you make me smile, you make me laugh, I want to make you better when your sad, you've made me come alive, you've reminded me i'm not cold, I'm not frozen up. You came to me and now your going.
But I wont let fear take me,
And I wont make the same mistakes again,
You make me happy,
Even if its just for today,
Cause in the end, that's all we have. now.
So now, I'm going to be fearless. Because I know you'll pass like the seasons. Better to regret what I did, rather than what I never tried.
how will he respond?
Every time I see my boyfriend I find my self falling more and more in love with him, problem is I cant tell him how I really feel about him because I'm scared of how he'll respond.....
There was this guy that i fell in love with. we got on so well, and we'd always have the best time together. he said that he felt atracted to me, but since we were heading off to different universities, we shouldn't start a relationship. We went to our separate universities, but we still maintained a close friendship. Although he would date other guys (usually right before i would visit him), i still was very much in love with him, and i did mention it a couple of times and everytime he would say that i meant a lot to him and that he was attracted to me but that we shouldn't do anything. eventually, it came to the point where i felt that i should cut contact with him, because i couldn't stop myself from liking him. i told him this and we planned a good-bye visit. the visit went well, we had dinner and watched some movies, but when it came for him to leave i was hoping for somewhat of an emotional response. i walked him to his bus, all the
while hoping he'd say something, maybe beg me to
reconsider. he didn't. he got on the bus without even giving me a hug and just left. It's been months since i last saw/ spoke to him. Now, i despise him for not making more of an effort to try and keep me in his life. he makes me feel worthless. sometimes, i imagine myself going to his house and stabbing him and then killing all of his uni mates bare handed for somehow changing him and taking him from me. the most tragic thing though is that i really miss him.
BT A New Man
Hello, my name is Brad. I want to be a good man. Anyway I want to say that it starts today at 01:23:45
play the game everybody play the game
men just suck and are full of lies. they toy with my emotions just so they can be with me. i say i too can play at this game. from now on my relations will be a calculated plan. After all "I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things. We can do the tango just for two. I can serenade and gently play on your heart strings, be your valentino just for you..." watch out boys you have met your match i can make you fall head over heals and not feel a damn thing myself just like you...you jerks have had it coming!