Real Estate Ads Translated
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- Enormous potential: Enormous amount of work to do.
- Low maintenance lot – No yard; the kids will have to play in the street
- Close to school: close to vandals.
- Outstanding: Sticks out like a sore thumb.
- One-Of-A-Kind: Ugly as sin.
- Above ground pool: Piece of leaky plastic filled with water.
- Unique City Home: Used to be a warehouse.
- Mint: Someone spilled mouthwash on carpet.
- 1 car garage – You can drive your car into the garage but there is no room to open the door
- Picturesque setting: Abandoned cars and waist-high weeds in neighboring lots.
- Seasonal creek – Muddy ditch across the property
- Absolute water frontage: Gets flooded out every ten years.
- Bedroom in basement – Basement has a 1′ by 2′ window.
- Desirable neighborhood – This little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputation
- Wide-open floor plan: Previous owner removed supporting walls.
- Ready to move in – the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint.
- Motivated sellers – Bank is about to foreclose.
- Close to public transportation: Beneath railway line.
- Territorial view – Good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window
- Delightful cottage: Garden is overgrown.
- Executive style living: Has a spa.
- Country in the city – A grotesquely overpriced large lot with a 2 bedroom house built before World War I.
- Prime location: Next to a factory.
- Newly remodeled kitchen – 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents.
- Stunning house – The house is not ugly.
- Leafy aspects: Trees block your view.
- Investment Opportunity: Needs a lot of money spent to fix it up.
- Lower-level family room: Ping-pong table over sewer opening.
- Move-in condition: Front door missing.
- Short walk to shops: 5 minute walk to shops. Minutes to shops: 10 minute walk to shops. Handy to shops: Nowhere near shops.
- Usable land – All the trees are gone.
- Must see inside – the outside is ugly.
- Old World Charm: Has some woodwork. Needs cleaning.
- Situated in rapidly progressing area: In the sticks.
- Contemporary Feeling: Has no woodwork. Needs cleaning.
- Three season sunroom – A small addition the owner did not have enough money to insulate.
- Tudor – Two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter.
- Easy walking distance too ____: Two miles from ____.
- Developers take note: The house is falling down.
- Near transportation – Amtrak train goes through the backyard, every 15 minutes, day and night.
- Wildlife nearby – Children and pets get ticks and fleas.
- Ready to remodel – the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in.
- Brand new: 1 year old. New: 3 years old. As new: 6 years old. Modern: 10 years old. Solid: 15 yeas old. Cottage: 25 years old. Full of character: 50 years old.
- Easy to heat – See “cozy”.
- Nothing to spend: After buying you'll have nothing left to spend.
- Upper Bracket: If you have to ask...
- Includes all the things that make a house a home: Has an indoor toilet.
- Easy freeway access – Noisy arterial street close to freeway
- Will not last at this price: Will not sell at this price.
- Light, open spaces: Many holes in walls.
- Sophisticated City Living: Next to noisy bar.
- Neighborhood watch – Your next door neighbor has binoculars trained on your house
- Close to lakes: Impossible to park on the street from April to October.
- Updated kitchen: Sink no longer overflows.
- Partially renovated: Owner gave up on a hopeless case.
- Security system: Neighbor has dog
- Handyman's delight: The roof is about to collapse.
- Doll-house – Tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks.
- Beautifully presented: The lawn has been mowed.
- Land suitable for a pole home: On a cliff.
- Cape Cod – Styled after Third World slum dwellings.
- Brilliant Concept: Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See "Makes Dramatic Statement."
- Tasteful: Carpeted.
- Sunny corner lot – Noisy intersection of two busy streets
- Convenient: Located on freeway entrance ramp.
- Suit young kids: You can allow kids to run wild, nothing worth protecting from damage.
- Not much mowing: No land.
- Sophisticated: Black walls and no windows. See "Architect's Delight."
- Close to all amenities – The backyard is a shopping mall parking lot.
- Potential is immeasurable: Present value is minimal.
- Retirement special: A good home to die in.
- Pet friendly neighborhood – Organic matter constantly deposited in the front lawn
- A rare find: Rare to find a house built like this still standing.
- Magnificent aspects: On a hill.
- Cozy – Not a single room could fit a full size bed.
- Loads of character: Bizarre.
- Charming: Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place. See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home."
- Needs TLC - Major structural damage.
- You'll Love It: No, you won't.
- Recreation room with wet bar – Basement has been painted and has a faucet.
- Prestige surrounds: All the other houses in the street are nicer.
- Executive home: Overpriced.
- Storybook – The house is old and the roof is not flat
- Meticulously maintained in the original condition – The appliances are 50 years old
- Lots of storage space – Basement too small to be called a family room.
- Inner city living at its best: Close to muggers.
- Build sweat equity – The house is not inhabitable
- Generous built-ins: Has cupboards.
- Country living – Too far from anywhere to drive to work.
- Old charmer – An old and ugly house.
- Efficiently designed kitchen – The kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time
- Sought after location: Frequently broken into.
- Large family room – Large basement.
- Just available – Previous owner just died on the premises.
- Must See To Believe: An absolutely accurate statement.
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Jokes- Real Estate Ads Translated