What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's girlfriend drive?
A Minni van

Why are there no planes where Peter Pan lives?
Because there is a sign that says "Never Neverland"!

Why can't Cinderella play soccer?
She always runs away from the ball.

How much did Izzy the pirate pay to get her ears pierced?
A buck an ear.

What time does Donald Duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn.

What do you get when you cross Pooh and a skunk?
Winnie the P.U.

What is Jack Sparrow's favorite restaurant?
Arrrgh-by's.

What did the Daisy Duck say when she bought lipstick?
Put it on my bill.

Mulan, a Buddhist, walks up to a Hot Dog Vendor in Disneyland. She says: "Make me one with everything."

What kind of vegetable do you get when Dumbo walks through your garden?
Squash

Where does Ariel go when one of her friends is missing?
The Lost-and-Flounder Department.

Why is Cinderella such a lousy football player?
Because she has a pumpkin for a coach.

What did Mickey Mouse say when Minnie Mouse asked if he was listening?
I’m all ears.

What is Tarzan's favorite Christmas Carol?
Jungle Bells.

Why did Dopey take a box of crayons with him into the bedroom? Snow White asked him to draw the curtains.

What's Minnie's favorite thing to wear?
A Minnie-skirt.

Why did Mickey Mouse carry an umbrella?
It was raining cats and dogs.

EPCOT - Every parent carries out toddlers.

Do you know why Mickey Mouse bought a telescope?
Because he wanted to see Pluto.

What kind of fairy doesn't take a bath?
Stinkerbell.

Why did Sleepy take firewood to bed with him?
He wanted to sleep like a log.

How does Mickey feel when Minnie is mad at him?
Mouserable.

What does Pooh Bear call his girlfriend?
Hunny.

What do you call a pirate who skips school?
Captain Hook-y

What did the 101 Dalmatians say after eating dinner?
That hit the spot.

Why did Captain Hook cross the road?
To shop at the second-hand store.

What do you get when you cross Huey, Dewey & Louie with a cow?
Milk and Quackers.

Snow White, Cinderella, and Lilo were sitting at a table and Snow White says, "I think my prince is the greatest because he's so charming!"  Cinderella said, "Well, I think my prince is the greatest because he's so handsome!"  Then Lilo stands up and says, "Shut up and order the pizza, you crazy celebutantes! I'm hungry!"

What should you say if Donald throws a ball at you?
DUCK!

Why didn't Winnie The Pooh order dessert?
He was already stuffed.

What did Snow White say when her photos weren't ready yet?
Some day my prints will come.

Why did Jasmine go to the fruit stand in the Marketplace?
She was looking for a date.

How does Luke Skywalker get through the forest?
Ewoks

Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?
To get to the Dark Side

Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant and Luke's having trouble.
Finally, Obi-Wan says, "Use the forks, Luke."

Darth Vader and Luke.
Suddenly in the middle of the fight, Darth Vader pulls Luke to him, and whispers “I know what you’re getting for Christmas!”
Luke exclaims “But how??!?”
“It’s true Luke, *breath* I know what you’re getting for Christmas.”
Luke tries to ignore this, but tears himself free, screaming “How could you know this?!”
Vader replies, “I felt your presents.”

Why did Mickey go into outerspace?
To find Pluto.

What happened to Mickey Mouse when he got spun?
He got Disney.

Why does Alice ask so many questions?
Because she's in wonderland.

What does Ariel like on her toast?
Mermalade.

What do Winnie-the-Pooh and Bozo the Clown have in common?
The same middle name.

Why did Goofy wear two pairs of pants when he played golf?
He thought he might get a hole in one.

Why does Snow White always treat each of the Seven Dwarfs equally?
Because she's the fairest of them all.

What is Grumpy's favorite fruit?
Sour Grapes.

Which state reminds Mickey of his gal?
Minniesota.

What’s the Cheshire Cat’s favorite drink?
Evaporated Milk.

How does Clarabelle Cow feel when she's sad?
Moo-dy.

Why did Goofy stare at the label on the orange juice all day?
Because the carton said concentrate.

Why did Woody give Bullseye some cough syrup?
Because he was horse.

What kind of blush does Mulan wear?
Mulan Rouge.

What Disney character likes to fix things?
Tinkerbell.

What is Mickey’s favorite treat?
Mice cream.