After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
It's not if you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
I had a handle on life ... then it fell off.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
You know how dumb the average guy is? Well, by definition, half of them are even dumber than that.
A clear conscience is actually a bad memory.
Proverb: Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.
Always listen to experts tell you why it can't be done, then do it.
The 4 food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant & Microwave
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Gravity brings me down.
A leading authority is someone lucky who guessed right.
Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
If you can't be a good example, at least be a terrible warning.
A bachelor is a hunter that never Mrs.
When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Opportunist: Someone finding himself in hot water, decides to bathe.
Make it idiot proof, and someone will make a better idiot.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
Worry: The interest paid on trouble before it's due.
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
I'd be unstoppable, if I could only get started.
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
Proverb: Man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy.
A memo is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
Behind every successful man is an exhausted woman
The future isn't what it used to be.
Silence cannot be misquoted.
Always fill your canteen upstream of the herd.
I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right.
A person who looks up to God rarely looks down on People.
A friend: someone who likes you even after they know you.
Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which you can die.
A will is a dead giveaway.
You can't propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back
7 Days without pizza makes one weak...
Genius has its limits, Stupidity doesn't.
If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.
A cynic is man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
Air, Fire, Water, and Earth. Elementary, my dear Watson.
A good pun is its own reword.
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Men play the game; women know the score.
Unemployment is not working.
Hospitality: Making your guests feel at home, even though you wish they were.
I'm in no shape to exercise.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried.
The mind is like a parachute, it works only when open.
An expert is someone from out of town.
All recipes require at least one extra trip to the store.
Ideas are not responsible for their followers.
If nothing can go wrong, something will.
Insanity is just a state of mind.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.
No job is too small to screw up.
A technique is a trick that works.
Unwritten laws can not be erased.
Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.
When did my wild oats turn to shredded wheat?
The more you say, the less people remember.
A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.
The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation.
If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson ("Calvin and Hobbes" cartoonist)
Confucius say: Man with no legs bums around.
Diplomacy: Saying "go to hell" such that they look forward to the trip.
Don't start with me. You know how I get.
Remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes.
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
A fair tax is one that you pay, but I don't.
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.
If it's too loud, you're too old.
An idea is a curious thing. It won't work unless you do.
When it's up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo
Proverb: Man who sleep in bed of nails is holy.
I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
I show a clear pattern of unpredictability.
Sacred cows make good hamburgers.
Just another inmate in this asylum.
I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished.
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up.
Don't itch for what you don't intend to scratch.
There are no stupid questions, except for the ones you ask.
I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends. - Abraham Lincoln
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
A closed mind gathers no intelligence.
Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker
All's well that ends with a good meal.
Some people come home to unwind; others come home to unravel.
Why is it called common sense when there is so little of it?
Help! I'm parked diagonally in a parallel universe.
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
Alarm clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.
A person who isn't making waves isn't paddling hard enough.
A bore is a man who, when asked how he is, tells you.
A feminist bookstore has no humor section.
Are we roadkill on the Information Superhighway?
I'm not prejudiced - I hate everybody equally.
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
The root of all evil makes a pretty good tea.
Dance as if no one were watching, Sing as if no one were listening, And live every day as if it were your last.
There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support.
You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
Spare yourself many hard falls; don't jump to conclusions
Even the dullest candle burns brighter in the dark.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
Sometimes I wake up grouchy, sometimes I let her sleep.
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
You know you're growing older when you look forward to a dull evening.
People who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.
Overweight just sorta snacks up on you.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Agnostics are merely atheists with an insurance policy.
Adults are just kids who owe money.
In plumbing, a straight flush is better than a full house.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go.
If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?
The number watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Dogs come when you call. Cats have voicemail.
Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Red ship crashes into blue ship sailors marooned.
A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools.
A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.
Growing older is mandatory...growing up is optional.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
You can lead a man to ponder; you cannot make him think.
The things that come to those who wait are the things left behind by those who got there first.
All STRESSED out, and NO ONE to CHOKE!
At the end of your rope? Tie a knot and swing.
A lecture on time travel will be held yesterday.
A father is a banker provided by nature.
A woman cries before the wedding, a man after.
The only difference between a brave man and a coward is the direction that they run.
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose - until you lose.
A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships were built for.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
Skating away on the thin ice of a new day.
I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
Do it right the first time and nobody will appreciate how hard it was.
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.
The older you get the greater you were.
There are two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
This is Abuse. Arguments are down the hall.
I float like an anchor and sting like a moth.
Proverb: Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
A man with no destination is already lost.
The light at the end of the tunnel could be a flame thrower.
Software bugs are sons of glitches.
When you throw your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by someone else.
The thoughtless are rarely wordless.
Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.
Freedom is just chaos with better lighting.
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
Your piss poor planning is not necessarily my emergency.
How young can you die of old age?
A conclusion is what you reach when you get tired of thinking.
Proverb: Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.
If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
It's easy to be brave from a safe distance.
Every day is starting to look like Monday.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it.
May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty.
An unemployed court jester is nobody's fool.
Ambivalence: My mother-in-law drives my Porsche over a cliff.
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
Apathy workshop canceled due to lack of interest.
A lady is a woman who can make a man act like a Gentleman.
The agony of delete.
A sense of humor is mandatory when living with a dog.
Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.
A double standard's better than no standard at all.
There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
If you have a difficult task, give it to someone lazy ... that person will find an easier way to do it.
I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.
Always use tasteful words, you might have to eat them later.
I'm a perfectionist with other people's work.
I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.
The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off...
If you lie down with dogs, you'll rise up with fleas.
Try to fix the mistake...never the blame.
A smile increases your face value.
Optimists think this is the best possible world. Pessimists fear they are right.
I tried being reasonable once. I didn't like it.
I'm out of sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Reality is that part of imagination we all agree on.
A man who would move a mountain must begin by carrying away a stone.
The views expressed here do not necessarily represent the unanimous view of all parts of my mind.
It's better to be an optimist and a fool, than a pessimist and right.
A bug is a son of a glitch.
Stranger then fiction.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
I'm just needling you about the thread.
Since I've used up all of my sick days, I'm calling in DEAD.
If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.
You are here. But you are not all there.
Stick: A boomerang that doesn't work.
I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished
In every revolution there is one man with a vision.
It's hard to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys.
I have a speech impediment' my foot.
I never met a chocolate I didn't like.
It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.
All the world's a stage and I've got obstructed view seats.
Four minus two is one and the same.
I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.
Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
Fanatic: Can't change his mind; won't change the subject.
The moral majority is neither.
Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.
Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
All great ideas have been controversial, at one time.
An ulcer is what you get mountain climbing over molehills.
Can't win, Can't break even, Can't quit
Poets go from bad to verse.
A "Just Peace" is when our side gets whatever it was that it wanted.
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
To achieve the impossible, attempt the absurd.
I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention.
The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
Insanity is fun if you do it right.
I tried to drown my problems but they can swim.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
I was born to Code, Compile, Link, Test, Debug!
Ask me about my vow of silence.
DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality
Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs'..Woof!
Famous last words: Trust me, I'm a consultant.
Life is full of undocumented features.
I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.
A lot of people mistake their imagination for their memory.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
Peace will enter when hate is gone. - Percy Mayfield
A woman knows the value of love, but a man knows its cost.
A diet is a weigh of life.
From the Department of Redundancy Department.
Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them more.
BYTE ME -- BYTE ME -- BYTE ME -- BYTE ME
Interchangeable devices won't. Interchangeable parts won't.
And thus we are all connected in the great Circle of Life.
Do invisible cats drink evaporated milk?
You cannot dry dishes with a wet towel.
WARNING: My messages are offensive to morons.
It's someone else's fault!
Can't learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly!
A smile is a window on your face that shows your heart is home.
It is, after all, only a moment in the infinity of time.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage
Two most common elements: hydrogen, stupidity.
Captain, this forum seems highly illogical.
The more I learn, the less I know.
Always use your enemies hand to catch a snake.
A crisis is when you can't say "Let's forget about it."
A big mouth travels far and fast.
Always glad to share my ignorance . I've got plenty.
I make my own reality.
I was on a roll till I slipped on the butter.
Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.
Does anybody know what's going on?
A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.
ASCII no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
If it's useless and does nothing, call it v1.0
Everything is a lot like something else.
I'm not lost, I'm "locationally challenged."
The best prophet of the future is the past.
Constant change is here to stay.
A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle
Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.
Anyone who says he can see though women is missing a lot.
And there were plagues of locusts, and frogs, and Windows.
Every day is the dawn of a new error.
History repeats itself because nobody listens.
Paranoia: Believing this tagline is about you.
All things are difficult before they are easy.
A day not wasted is a day wasted.
I avoid cliches like the plague.
The irony of life is that no one gets out alive.
How does one expect the unexpected?
WOMAN.ZIP....Great program, no documentation!
My fallacies are more logical than your fallacies.
All beginnings are difficult.
If it ain't broke yet, let me have a shot at it.
If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.
Where two wrongs don't make a right, but they make us feel real good.
Drilling for oil is boring.
If at first you don't succeed, give up.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
This Tagline was filmed before a live studio audience.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Any wire cut to length will be too short.
When you pass the buck, don't expect to get change back.
There are no atheists in the foxholes.
The lame dog may miss the hunt, but not the meal.
Where are we going? And why am I in this hand basket?
If you wish work poorly done, pay in advance.
Anarchy is against the law.
It's never as easy as the manual says it is.
No one ever said "if I'd only spent more time in the office".
It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
New restaurant on the moon. Great food, no atmosphere.
There's no such word as FAIL in my vocabulary.
Asking a question is embarrassing for a moment, but not asking is embarrassing for a lifetime. - Haruki Murakami
He who dies with the most taglines, wins!
Afraid of heights? Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood
Warranty void if tagline removed.
It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money.
Elephant - Mouse built to government specs.
A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.
It's kind of fun doing the impossible.
The bureaucracy expands to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour.
Truth is just another misconception.
Love is like oxygen - You get too much, you get too high - Not enough and you're gonna die.
The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
Standards? Sure, we've got hundreds of 'em.
A big enough gun will adjust any attitude.
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough.
All the world's a Schrodinger box, and we are merely cats.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do.
Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace.
Some men are discovered. Others are found out.
Your so out to lunch you make me hungry.
The next sentence is true. The last sentence was false.
A company is known by the people it keeps.
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. - Marcel Proust.
A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.
The whole history of the world is summed up in the fact that, when nations are strong, they are not always just, and when they wish to be just, they are no longer strong. - Winston Churchill
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Caution: Contents under pressure!
The cream rises to the top. So does the scum.
The cruelest lies are told in silence.
My reality check just bounced.
'Tis better to be hunter than hunted.
Religion: myth-information.
My only domestic quality is that I live in a house.
All in all just another brick in the wall.
It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
A thousand stars do not equal the light of one moon.
Age is a matter of the mind. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
My kid can beat up your honor student.
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
I was born this way! What's your excuse?
My Tagline Creator Is On Vacation.
Sit down, you're rocking the boat.
If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
To err is human. To blame someone for your errors is even more human.
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away...
A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind.
I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma.
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
All rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full.
Thank you for encouraging my behavior.
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
I live in my own world... Peaceful visitors welcome...
A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
Facts just get in the way and impede progress.
All things are possible. Except skiing through a revolving door.
Boy Am I Tired, it Must Be The NET-LAG.
Proverb: He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.
Are you out of my mind?
All men are different, but husbands are all alike.
Department of Redundancy Department
A watched pot may never boil, but the cook certainly does.
My mother told me a million times not to exaggerate.
Your motherboard wears combat reboots.
A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Those who won't think will have it done for them.
Death benefits = oxymoron.
If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough - Albert Einstein
Appreciate me now - and avoid the rush.
Try to get back on topic, he said moderately.
Just because you say it doesn't make it true.
To do nothing is also a good remedy.
Explain counter-clockwise to someone with a digital watch.
A rose is not a rose when it's a brick.
PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?
Proverb: Man who loves and loses, have not right lawyer.
Today is canceled due to lack of interest.
Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
Earning money would be fun if it wasn't so taxing.
Excuse me while I bang my head against a wall.
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
Even the smallest candle dispels the darkness.
A tagline is a terrible thing to waste.
Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.
Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse.
A lie in time saves nine.
It it ain't broke, let me have a shot at it.
Energy derives from both the + and negative.
I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Some days you're a bug, some days you're a windshield.
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Caution: This tagline stops for page breaks.
If it works, it must be obsolete.
Words must be weighed, not counted.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Any questions?
Scandal & romance make the best sweeteners of tea.
My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours.
All general statements are false.
There's an answer to every question. Sometimes it's No.
Is there life before coffee?
Always drive slower than your guardian angel can fly.
Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
Evolution: God's way of issuing updates.
You're only as old as you feel.. the next day
Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
Life: what happens while you're making other plans.
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
By all means, let's not confuse ourselves with the facts.
Don't believe in miracles, expect them.
Why wasn't I born rich instead of beautiful?
Only those who don nothing make no mistakes.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
You can fool some of the people some of the time, and that is sufficient.
This mind intentionally left blank.
To get the right answer you have to ask the right question.
A "running mate" is a husband who dared to talk back.
Try our new dehydrated water! Just add ...uh...er...
A true friend walks in when everyone else leaves.
A closed mind gathers no knowledge.
A stumble may prevent a fall.
When Puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have Puns.
A bug is a feature that didn't make it into the manual.
If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.
Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
All answers questioned here.
The problem with the gene pool is there's no lifeguard.
To live well, know the difference between good and evil.
Be a better shrink and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
Documentation is the castor oil of programming.
Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal.
We must be the change we wish to see. - Mahatma Ghandi
Everything is just a thing.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Fad: In one era and out the other.
Those who say it can't be done should get out of the way of those doing it.
Know what I hate? I hate rhetorical questions.
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
A seminar on Time Travel will be held 2 weeks ago
All believers in telekinesis raise my hand.
Accept a breath mint if someone offers you one.
Experience is a good teacher but her fees are high.
Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
This Lonely Tagline Seeking A Mate.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
A budget is as aim that rarely shows good marksmanship.
Free advice is worth what you pay for it.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
Proverb: Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.
One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
A tagline a day keeps the moderator away.
Dinner Not Ready...(A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
Why don't "minimalists" find a shorter name for themselves?
I'm busier than a one-eyed cat watching two mouse holes.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
End of Message - Stop reading.
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
To love another person is to see the face of God.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
Pogo sticks make people jumpy.
I'm not lost - just misguided.
Always yield to temptation. It may never pass your way again.
All the world's a stage and I missed rehearsal.
I still miss my ex-wife , but my aim is improving.
Warning: This message may cause drowsiness.
Conventional wisdom, isn't.
One man's upload is another man's download.
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
Silence is evidence of a superb command of the language.
Question Authority, ask me anything.
Alimony is having to say you're sorry once a month.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening
Never stand between a dog and a fire hydrant.
A girl can be bad at history, but great on dates.
This tagline was written before a live studio audience.
I'm not old, I'm "chronologically disadvantaged".
Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"?
'Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Keep honking...I'm reloading.
All women are automatically born with a shopping disorder.
Kilroy occupied these coordinates.
Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it.
Where the keyboard is mightier than the sword.
This isn't a tag line. It just looks like one.
Famous last words: You and what army?
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
Alimony: When your former spouse is living beyond your means.
We all have our opinions, but mine is correct.
Idiots rise to the level of their incompetency.
Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Worry is as effective as shoveling smoke.
Famous last words: Don't worry, I can handle it.
You can log off any time you like, but you can never leave.
Don't eat the yellow snow.
De agony of delete.
Every time I have all the answers, someone changes the questions.
A fool and his money are soon popular.
Random answers: $1, Correct answers: $5, Dumb looks: Free
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.
A goal is a dream with a deadline.
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
The older I get the better I used to be.
Just when you think you've won the rat race, along come faster rats.
To a cat, 'NO!' means 'Not while I'm looking'.
There is always one more bug.
A tagline a day keeps the doctor away.
A "Cashless God". Is THAT what they mean by "non Denominational"?
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.
Don't question authority; it doesn't know either.
If you're 1 in 1 million, there's 2500 of you.
A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
When the going gets tough... The tough go drinking.
If you get to the end, who cares about the means?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
They just don't make nostalgia like they used to.
Warning - The 'esc' key doesn't work in Leavenworth.
Stop the world, I want to get off.
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
In God we trust, all others pay cash.
To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die.
I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days.
Reward for a job well done: more work
Keep stress out of your life. Give it to others instead.
He that knows nothing, doubts nothing.
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was...
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Warning: Whimsical when bored.
A good businessman is know by the company he keeps.
I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous.
And the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls.
An electrical engineer deals with current events.
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.
The eyes are the mirror of the soul.
Brain damage? No thanks, I have some already.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
How much can I get away with and still go to Heaven?
Winners never quit and quitters never win.
Hollow chocolate has no calories.
Spending a year dead for tax purposes.
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
A cat could be man's best friend, but never stoops to it.
A police state is great, so long as you're the police.
I will always love the false image I had of you.
Apathy is the glove into which evil slips its hand.
If in doubt, mumble.
Too bad that stupidity isn't painful.
Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go.
It takes a long time to understand nothing.
To err is Human. To blame someone else is politics.
Age is the best possible fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
Life is one situation you'll never get out of alive.
All I need to know I learned from my cat.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
I'm much too young to feel this damned old.
The best defense against logic is stupidity.
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
If you can't be good, be careful.
I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.
When wine goes in, secrets come out.
Are taglines the footnotes of reality?
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
I'm feeling argumentative. Please contradict me.
When one eye is fixed upon your destination, there is only one eye left with which to find the way.
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
I'd enjoy the day more if it started later.
A good friend can listen and hear what was never said.
An open mind gathers no dust.
The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.
Do, or do not. There is no try. - Yoda
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
Proverb: Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloon.
No amount of planning will replace dumb luck.
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
Anyone with money to burn will easily find someone to tend their fire.
It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
Lead me not into temptation; I'll find my own way.
A pessimist is never disappointed.
I'm making a career of evil.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
A fool and his money is my kind of customer.
Although up to its neck in hot water, the tea kettle continues to sing.
People ask you for criticism, but they only want praise.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
Don't take life too seriously, it's not permanent.
Caution: brain on cruise control.
That was Zen; this is Tao.
A government subsidy is simply getting some of your own money back.
Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.
If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.
Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure...
Deep down I'm really shallow.
Any given program, once working, is obsolete.
Individualists of the world, UNITE!
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
A stiff neck usually supports an empty head.
Don't get mad, get even.
Never moon a werewolf.
Proverb: Man who places head in sand will get kicked in the end.
Stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?
Don't use no double negatives.
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
Anything is impossible, if you don't attempt it.
Rome wasn't burned in a day.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
My last original thought died of loneliness.
Calm down. It's only ones and zeros.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
F u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng
Knowledge is knowing that you don't know.
The truth will be found when it is no longer needed.
A thousand lakes reflect the moon in a thousand different ways.
Today's subliminal message is " "
ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.
Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.
Be reasonable, do it my way.
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Now, here's something we hope you'll really like! - Bullwinkle
Enlightenment is only a state of mind.
Unbreakable toys are useful for breaking other toys.
I wish my mouth had a BACKSPACE key.
ASCII stupid question - get a stupid ANSI
It's always darkest before you step on the cat.
You can disagree without being disagreeable.
Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals.
Always double check to make sure you haven't any words out.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Bulldozer: One who sleeps through a political speech.
Nostalgia just ain't what it used to be.
Pilots are just plane people.
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep 'till noon.
As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.
There's my way, and then there's the easy way.
You're so vain I bet you think this tagline's about you.
I live on a one way dead end street. I have no idea how I got there. - Steven Wright
A sadness shared is a sadness halved.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never enough time, unless you're serving it.
It's never as easy as you think.
WARNING! Removal of this tagline prohibited by law!
I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent.
The other line always moves faster.
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Some Do, Some Don't, Some Will and Some Won't.
Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
A friend asks only for your time, not your money.
Familiarity breeds children.
Do you ever get the feeling that the computer is pushing YOUR button?
All computers wait at the same speed.
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
Carpenter's Rule: Cut to fit; beat into place.
God wills it may be answer enough, but God does not will what people will not do.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
Good morning! Is an opinion, not a greeting.
Cat (kat') n. Dog with an attitude problem.
Always borrow from a pessimist - they never expect it back.
Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
You're not paranoid if everybody is really after you.
In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king.
Old postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
Archaeologist: One whose career lies in ruins.
Beware of quantum ducks: quark, quark.
Anyone who makes a blanket statement is a fool.
I've had fun before. This isn't it.
A winner makes commitments; a loser makes promises.
Shin: Device for finding furniture in the dark.
I think you have me confused with someone who gives a darn.
Despair: an extra tire in de trunk.
Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do.
If winning isn't important, then why keep score?
I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
Never mistake motion for action...
Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free.
Don't just DO something, STAND THERE!
A dog wags its tail with its heart.
A fault recognized is half corrected.
A girlfriend may be a free trial, but you get a life sentence.
A little revolution every now and then is good.
My lucky color just faded.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I resemble that remark...
A lot of effort went into making this effortless.
How come this jacket they gave me doesn't have sleeves?
A shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.
Get the facts first - you can distort them later.
One man's windows are another man's walls.
A bad beginning makes for a good ending.
A man's best friend is his dogma.
I don't have a solution but I do admire the problem.
Any government which fears arms in the hands of its people...should.
There is a right way, a wrong way, and my way!
Alimony is always having to say you're sorry.
Why should I add to my troubles by facing reality?
Leak proof seals will, self-starters won't.
All I need to know about life I learned from Star Trek.
Proverb: Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it.
Sign on a clothing store - Come inside and have a fit.
Speculation is the return lane of the road to knowledge.
You don't have to be crazy to work here - they train you.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a person gain 5 pounds.
Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me.
It takes years to become an overnight success.
Never eat yellow snow.
Only sensible people agree with me.
Biology grows on you.
Proverb: Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
All dressed up & nowhere to go.
A debugged program is one for which you have not yet found the conditions that make it fail.
Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
Sarcasm: barbed ire.
Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.
I warn you not to underestimate my powers.
There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
Proverb: Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.
When you see a snake, never mind where he came from.
Proverb: Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination?
A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
A running mate is a husband who dared to talk back.
I have an important role as a bad example.
The pendulum has gone full circle.
Learn from history or repeat it. Same goes for math science and English.
I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.
A day without Pizza just doesn't slice it.
City Morgue: You stab 'em, we slab 'em.
Death is nature's way of recycling human beings.
A big mouth travels far.
Sorry, my mind has a few bad sectors.
Life would be easier if I had the source code.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Try not! Do or do not. There is no try. - Yoda
If screwups were dollars, I'd be a millionaire.
Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
They say I'm crazy but I haven't the time.
The mistake you make is trying to figure it out.
As I was saying, I hate it when people don't finish their
All the world's a stage and I just forgot my lines.
A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.
Take my advice. I'm not using it.
Love means nothing to a tennis player.
Never test for an error you don't know how to handle.
The discontented man finds no easy chair.
It is easier to put on slippers then to carpet the world.
I find myself beside a stream of empty thought.
This isn't hell, but I can see it from here.
Two guys in the woods who encounter a bear. The first guy shouts "Run!" and they both start running with the bear in pursuit. As the bear starts catching up the second guy says "Are you crazy? We can't outrun a bear." The first guy says "I know. I only have to outrun you."
Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition.
A concrete example is very hard to carry around.
When you climb into the saddle, you'd better be prepared to ride.
As King Arthur said: Some days it all seems so feudal.
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate.
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeros.
I'm making a career of evil.
Do not disturb -- I'm disturbed enough already.
I'm not fat, just horizontally disproportionate.
A Smith & Wesson ALWAYS beats 4 Aces.
All I want is a little more than I can spend.
A successful symposium depends on the ratio of meeting to eating.
A helicopter pilot's life has it's ups and downs.
My tagline is in the shop. This is a loaner.
It is better to have others think you a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.
I was a snowball in hell.
The backup's not over 'til the FAT table sings.
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
A slotted spoon holds little soup, but grabs a potato.
Make headlines. Use a corduroy pillow.
Death sneaks up on you as a windshield sneaks up on a bug.
Blah, blah, blah...
I am a mental tourist, My mind wanders.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
What's the point in being grown up if you can't act childish?
Everyone is entitled to my opinion, just ask me.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
When hell freezes over, I'll ski there too.
Don't be so open minded your brains fall out.
There are 2 ways to handle women and I know neither.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
The problem is that many people confuse breathing in and out with living.
So, what's this "RESET" button do?
Avenge the death of the working class!
A dog is just a dog until he faces you, then he is Mr. Dog.
An obstacle is not the end. It's a new beginning.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
The road to success is always under construction.
I'm easy to please as long as I get my way.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
Alimony? ...sounds kinda like ""all yer money""
Never send a monster to do the work of an evil scientist.
A winner says "Let's find out."; a loser says "Nobody knows."
Many receive advice, only the wise profit by it.
Avert misunderstanding by calm poise and balance.
Someday you'll look back on this and laugh.
The cure for writer's cramp is writer's block.
And I thought *I* had problems!
A communist is a socialist without a sense of humor.
Laughter: The shortest distance between two people.
If you associate with the wise, you will become wise.
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell.
A big lie is often more plausible than the truth.
Only the leftists are right anymore.
Adam to Eve: "I'll wear the plants in this family."
Didn't I meet you in some other hallucination??
Are we THERE yet?
Eat healthy, exercise, and die anyway.
I am not a molecule, I am a free radical!
Ignorance can be cured. Stupidity is forever.
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
All people really die, but not all people really live.
Morgue: you stab'em, we slab'em!
Worry casts a huge shadow on a small problem.
Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go!
Never fight with a bear in his own cave.
A great many open minds should be closed for repairs.
For THIS I bought a computer?
The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Skydiving is good till the last drop.
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
To refuse to decide is a decision.
A society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers.
Almost had a psychic girlfriend - she left me before we met.
A lie is most convincingly hidden between two truths.
A wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
All my cruel acts are justified by the fact that I am a cruel person.
A truly wise person knows that he knows not.
All taglines are busy at this time. Please hold.
Your family tree has no branches.
Copy from another: plagiarism. Copy from many: research.
Avalanche or roadblock, I was a snowball in hell.
A wealthy mind makes good cents.
Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
Sanity is relative ... but not one of mine.
Behind every successful woman - herself.
I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS.
A woman's place is in the house...and in the senate.
A hangover can best be described as the wrath of grapes.
A friend's eye is a good mirror.
Clones are people two.
A friend in need is a pain in the neck.
I'd like some JUNK FOOD...then I want to be ALONE.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
What we need is Scratch N Sniff taglines.
A bachelor can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.
If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.
Every man's work is a portrait of himself.
We all live in a yellow subroutine.
Proverb: Man with one chopstick go hungry.
All that we are is the result of what we have thought.
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
Once I thought I was wrong - but I was mistaken.
Wit is cultured insolence.
To hell with justice...I want blood.
Good times end too quickly. Bad times go on forever.
A fool and his money were never too close to begin with.
Look out for number one. But don't step in number two.
A trip of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
As long as the horn works, who needs brakes?
Argue if you must, just remember I'm right.
A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it. - H.L. Mencken.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
I can resist anything but temptation.
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
A cynic's work is never done.
A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with stolen lantern.
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
A laugh is a smile that bursts.
A committee has 6 or more legs and no brain.
Show me a sane man. I'll cure him for you.
A candle that lights another does not lose anything.
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
Always keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps the singing bird will come.
Does killing time damage eternity?
As soon as you realize I'm God, we'll get along fine.
Many are educated...few are learned.
Avoid reality at all costs.
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
If you can't fix it, call it a feature.
ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
Once in a while, I screw up and do something right.
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
I only drink to make other people seem interesting.
Be careful when slinging mud, you might lose ground.
I keep putting off procrastination & get nowhere
Don't look now but your fly's open!
One thought driven home is better than three left on base.
I tried to contain myself, but I escaped.
Drop the gun, Tom said with a disarming smile.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Discoveries are made by not following instructions.
A lie has speed, but truth has endurance.
Something wicked this way comes.
Why isn't "phonetically" spelled that way?
I plan to live forever, or die trying.
Fake it till you make it.
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Love is blind, marriage is the eye opener.
Backup not found: (a)bort (r)etry (p)anic (c)ryalot
Just another useless, unnecessary tagline.
Anything once assembled, will fall apart.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clean, neat, desk is a sign of a sick mind.
The first piece of luggage out of the chute does not belong to anyone, ever.
All things considered, insanity may be the best alternative.
Adventure is the champagne of life.
What could possibly go wrong.
Every time I lose weight, it finds me again.
A terrible mind is a thing to waste.
The shortest distance between new friends is a smile.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
This phone is baroque; please call Bach later.
If all goes well, you've overlooked something.
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
All my good Taglines are at the cleaners.
Inquiring minds already think they know.
If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose.
I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up.
I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me.
When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.
It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice.
Assumption is the mother of all screwups.
Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
Do not applaud until you have heard the music.
It's always harder to pave the way for others.
Beauty is only skin deep. Ugly goes right to the bone.
If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny.
Don't you have something better to do than read this?
Paramedics are patient people.
Always remember no matter where you go, there you are.
Avoid Mistakes...Do Nothing.
Rude, crude, socially unacceptable.
Marshmallow salespeople learn the soft sell.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you have it made.
A recession is what takes the wind out of your sales.
Any sufficiently advanced bug will become a feature.
Don't let school interfere with your education.
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
If you can't do it well, enjoy doing it badly.
Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way.
Science asks why. I ask why not.
What I lack in restraint, I make up for in remorse.
A bachelor is a man who is free to choose, and chooses to be free.
Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.
Mason-Dixon: Line that separates y'all from youse guys.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
A man should be greater than some of his parts.
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
BEEP: This is a test of the Emergency Tagline System.
Proverb: Man who sit on tack get point.
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate.
If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid.
A feature is a bug with seniority.
It only takes a small oven to produce a half-baked idea.
I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, The whole time.
Money is the root of all bills.
If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
Don't tell me what kind of day to have!
Never let your feet run faster than your shoes.
Life is like a car wash and I'm on a bicycle.
I am not antisocial. I'm just not real friendly.
Be patient, God isn't finished with me yet.
A squirrel is just a rat with good PR.
Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Another brilyunt mind diztroyed by publik edjukayshun.
What part of my brilliance don't you understand?
1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts.
A hug warms the soul and places a smile in the heart.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Proverb: Man who run in front of car get tired.
I'd explain it to you but your brain would explode.
Never believe anything until it's been officially denied.
Another birthday? I have your GIF right here.
Does The Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
The Majority is never right; unless it includes me.
A camel is a horse designed by committee.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Every purchase has its price.
All generalizations are bad.
People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left? [Answer: 5.] Why? Because there's a difference between deciding & doing.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
A fool wants to be king. A wise man wonders if he can handle the job.
Save energy: be apathetic.
Another exploration in the black hole of time.
Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks.
To every exception there is a rule.
You can observe a lot just by watching.
When things just can't get any worse, they will.
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Those who can, do. Those who can't, write the manual.
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
A job is nice, but it interferes with my life.
Inertia makes the world go round.
Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.
Proverb: A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
What if we were our reflection's reflection?
Puns are bad, but poetry is verse.
I'm a very modest person. And damn proud of it.
I just got a new car for my girlfriend....Great trade.
Eternity? Straight ahead, turn left at infinity.
Life: A brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
A library is an arsenal of liberty.
Don't ask me, I only work here.
Work expands to exceed the time allotted.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Medical definition: Barium. What you do if CPR fails.
Do not answer fools according to their folly.
Marriage is not a word but a sentence.
Psychic Convention canceled due to unforeseen problems.
A bad day at home is better than a good day at work
Do not remove this tagline under penalty of the law.
Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free.
A shining beacon in an electronic void.
Always consider the alternative before making a choice.
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
If you mess with something long enough it'll break.
Why are you wasting time reading taglines?
It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
Reality is just another illusion.
Tomorrow will be yesterday soon enough.
A black hole is God dividing by zero.
Dogmas breed litters of stigmas.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
He who dies with the most TAGLINES wins!
A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
Without time, everything would happen all at once.
If you don't vote, don't complain.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.
A day without sunshine is like night.
Caution: Hungry Dieter May Bite If Provoked
At the center of the earth, which way is down?
At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go into the same bag.
The seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
A day in the life of a message traffic cop.
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
A career is a job that has gone on too long.
Give me some chocolate and no one gets hurt!
I am not responsible for advice not taken.
Proverb: Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
A weasel is a ferret with seniority.
Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
It takes two to compete, but only one to cooperate.
Where anything can happen, but usually doesn't.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Those who learn not from history are doomed to repeat it.
Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please.
The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it well.
Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Desk: A very large wastebasket with drawers.
I have come here to kick ASCII.
An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.
All truth is found in taglines.
I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention.
False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
My tagline can beat up your tagline.
Expansion Slots: The extra holes in your belt buckle.
Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean.
A bird in the hand can be awfully messy.
ASCII and ye shall receive.
I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
Don't even pretend to be interested in this tagline.
Proverb: Man can only learn from experience. The WISE man learns from that of others.
If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.
What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
A Tagline a day keeps viruses away.
Friction can be a drag sometimes.
It's not a bug, its an undocumented feature.
All answers subject to change in the next ten minutes.
Proverb: Man who pee on electric fence receive shocking news.
Experience is directly proportional to ruined equipment.
I feel much better since I gave up hope.
I stumbled over a stone and took it for granite.
I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
Proverb: Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
The main thing we learn from history is that politicians don't.
Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.
A voltage spike? OUCH! That hertz!
A bird in the hand can be messy.
Black holes really suck.
If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here.
Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
To boldly code what no one has coded before.
This tagline's confused - thinks it's a message.
Proverb: Man who pushes piano down mine shaft get A flat miner.
A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere.
Fundamentalism means never having to open your mind.
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
These are only my opinions. You should see my convictions.
I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
A new standard in obfuscation, ambiguity, & equivocation.
Time for culture, gone CHOPIN, BACH in a MINUET.
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life.
And now for something completely different...
The best way to win an argument is to be right.
Where there's a will, there's a won't.
A coward mistakes oppression for peace.
Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap.
A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
Bad habits? I have nun.
Talk is cheap...until you hire a lawyer.
An error becomes a mistake only when you refuse to correct it.
Courage atrophies from lack of use.
A man's home is his Hassle.
It is better to burn out than fade away.
Stop talking while I'm interrupting.
The man who begins many things finishes few.
Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
Old age is better than the alternative.
Beware of geeks bearing GIFs.
Some get the elevator, some get the shaft.
Our parents were never our age.
God created cats so that men could learn to understand women.
I'm the person your mother warned you about.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Card-carrying member of the cultural elite.
For the millionth time, don't exaggerate.
I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.
Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
How arrogant of you not to accept my obvious superiority.
All I want to know is: WHY ME?
A conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
Only lemmings jump to conclusions.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Ignorance is where learning begins.
Wedding rings: The world's smallest handcuffs.
Go ahead, Moderate my day.
A cult is a religion with no political power.
Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip.
Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.
Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
All true wisdom is found in taglines.
Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
Warning: Not responsible for contents of posts made after midnight.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace.
As knowledge increases, wonder deepens.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is save all parts.
The open hand of desire wants everything.
When you enter the ocean, you enter the food chain, and not necessarily at the top - Jacques Yves Cousteau.
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
A matter of opinion, your opinion doesn't matter.
I wonder what this button does....
Every solution breeds new problems.
A home, where the buffalo roam, is messy.
A fisherman can be very a-luring.
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
Nodding the head does not row the boat.
The longer the title, the less important the job.
A production of the digitally insane.
Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
I've upped my standards, now UP YOURS!
I used to have peace of mind, now I have kids.
Is "tired old cliche" one?
The man who dies with the most toys is dead.
A prune is a plum with experience.
A taxi driver is a man who drives away customers.
This discussion is hanging by a thread.
A jack of all trades is master of none.
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
It's only ones and zeros.
If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
A boy becomes a man when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
A single fact can spoil a good argument.
Sharp swords are one thing; sharp words are quite another.
Exceeding the legal fun limit on a regular basis.
Meditation is not what you think.
87% of all statistics are worthless.
It's easier to obtain forgiveness than permission.
A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.
I'm joining the Procrastinators Club - soon
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.
Sorry, no tagline. Check back next week
A can of worms full of Pandora's boxes.
This message edited for the ironically impaired.
Just visiting this planet.
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
Ambivalence may or may not be my problem.
I just took an IQ test. The results were negative.
And many MILES to go before I sleep.
This tagline only uses recycled keystrokes.
There was a tagline here but someone stole it.
A metaphor is like a simile.
This Life is a test...It is only a test....
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Your foot, Your mouth....Go arrange a meeting.
I'm having one of those decades.
Another casualty of the seduction of insanity.
If your hand goes forth withhold your temper. If your temper goes forth withhold your hand.
This message will self-destruct in 5...4...3...2...1...
In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.
I drive way too fast to worry what foods will kill me.
If I could, I would, but I can't, so I won't.
Back off man! I'm a programmer...
Toddler: An indoor tornado.
Don't believe in miracles, count on them.
Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money.
A big enough hammer fixes anything.
Doubt grows with knowledge.
A skydiver is taken by the gravity of his situation.
Annoy your roommate: Skip to the bathroom.
Beam me up Scotty, no intelligent life on this forum.
Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand?
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
He whose face gives no light, shall never become a star. - William Blake
Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it.
Alimony: The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
An ounce of emotion equals a ton of facts.
An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
Bad breath is better than no breath.
Alimony is short for all your money.
For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
Are you part of the problem, or part of the solution?
In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
Proverb: Man who run behind car get exhausted.
If at first you don't succeed, forget skydiving.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
Never judge a man by his taglines.
A kick in the butt is a step forward.
Recognize your own greatness, and be humbled by it.
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.
Software means never having to say you're finished.
I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
Proverb: Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
Avoid cliches like the plague.
There's one fool in every married couple.
This tagline only to be removed by the consumer.
Anything demonstrated for a repairman will work perfectly.
Must you be a pothole in the highway of life?
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money can't make me happy.
Kids - They're not sleeping, they're are recharging.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Mother is the invention of necessity.
At the top of the food chain sits chocolate.
Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.
A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck.
There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
Mistakes are the dues one pays for a full life.
Be nice to your enemies, it drives them nuts.
You can not reason a man out of a position he did not reach through reason.
Spontaneity has its time and place.
A bad plan is better than no plan at all.
All the world's a stage and I just got the hook.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else get your way.
All my friends tell me that peer pressure is cool.
My tagline writers are working overtime.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
ACOUSTIC: What you play pool with.
Why did the tachyon cross the road? Because it was on the other side.
An unreflected life is not worth living.
I'm in shape ... round is a shape isn't it?
It is better to be brief than boring.
Aging: when you sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
The solution to the problem changes the problem.
A cynic is an idealist who has finally learned the truth.
Funny taglines found in email signatures, forum postings, and on Facebook: 