Q: How many Actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
A: One, but 500 auditioned for the part.

 

Q: How many Anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them.

 

Q: How many Atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists can't see the light anyway.

 

Q: How does Bill Gates change a light bulb?
A: He doesn't, he declares darkness the industry standard.

 

Q: How many Blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1. She stands on the ladder and waits for the world to revolve around
her.

 

Q: How many Bureaucrats/civil servants does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
A: Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while
the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

 

Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the
experience.

 

Q: How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and a priest to hear him confess and give the old bulb
last rites.

 

Q: How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really one.

 

Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old one has
burnt out.

 

Q: How many Computer nerds does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to screw it in, one to design the step-by-step program, and one to
design the web page about doing it.

 

Q: How many Conservatives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

 

Q: How many Consultants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.

 

Q: How many Cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

 

Q: How many Doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation
specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

 

Q: How many Economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself
in.

 

Q: How many Feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100-one to do it and the other 99 to say that the bulb screwer does not
represent mainstream feminism in doing so.

 

Q: How many firefighters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three-one to do it and two to cut a hole through the roof.

 

Q: How many Folk musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four - One to change the bulb, and three to sing about how good the old
one was.

 

Q: How many Goths does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They sit in the dark.

 

Q: How many Gun control advocates does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They don't do that; they pass laws against burned-out bulbs, and then
they wonder why it's still so dark. Meanwhile, a lot of people get hurt
because they can't see.

 

Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just have marketing sell the burnt-out bulb as a feature.

 

Q: How many investment brokers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell
it before it crashes.

 

Q: How many Jewish Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What? And wreck my nails?

 

Q: How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, one to call the cleaning lady and two to feel guilty about it.

 

Q: How many Ku Klux Klansmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One hundred-one to do it and the others to stand around solemnly and
watch the old bulb burn.

 

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, lawyers only screw us.

 

Q: How many Mimes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Mimes only pretend to change the bulb.

 

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a
surprising twist at the end.

 

Q: How many Philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Why does it need changing?

 

Q: How many poets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to curse the darkness and one to light a candle.

 

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. But it takes a long time, and the bulb has to really want to
change.

 

Q: How many psychoanalysts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: How many do *you* think it takes?

 

Q: How many Quantum Mechanicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new
bulb.

 

Q: How many Real Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark

 

Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw the poor.

 

Q: How many Schizophreniacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of us

 

Q: How many Social workers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just write a book called "Coping with Darkness".

 

Q: How many surgeons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They would wait for a suitable doner and do a filament transplant.

 

Q: How many system administrators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just deny everyone access to the room.

 

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