Dumb.com Humor Quotes, Quotations and Humor Sayings
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This section contains Humor Quotes




Man was predestined to have free will. (Quote by - Hal Lee Luyah)

A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge. (Quote by - Robert Brault)

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? (Quote by - George Carlin)

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. (Quote by - Lyn Karol)

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. (Quote by - Fred Allen)

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it. (Quote by - Jack Handey)

Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. (Quote by - Similar)

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood (Quote by - Mary Hirsch)

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things (Quote by - George Carlin)

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. (Quote by - William Arthur Ward)

Is anything besides the mind ever boggled? (Quote by - O Anna Niemus)

Press the any key ... hmmm where's the any key? (Quote by - Dan Castellaneta)

when all this started, I asked myself, 'Am I going to withdraw from the world, like most people do, or am I going to live?' I decided I am going to live-or at least try to live-the way I want, with dignity, with courage, with humor, with composure. (Quote by - Mitch Albom)

I am no longer a curmudgeon. I am a curmudgeon emeritus. (Quote by - James Gibbons)

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. (Quote by - E B White)

Miss Piggy to Johnny Carson .. do you think I am Oscar material? Johnny Carson: Oscar Mayer maybe NBC Tonight Show writers http://www.mad-cow.org. (Quote by - Tonight Show Carson Writers)

Resolve is never stronger than in the morning after the night it was never weaker. (Quote by - From the movie Naked)

Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and weighty part of the world's economy. One feels increasingly the height of the faculty in which it arises, the nobility of things associated with it, and the greatness of services it renders. (Quote by - Oscar W. Firkins)

The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed. (Quote by - Charlie Chaplin)

There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor. (Quote by - Thomas W Higginson)

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. (Quote by - Bob Edwards)

Everything human is pathetic The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow There is no humor in heaven. (Quote by - Mark Twain)

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. (Quote by - P.J. O'Rourke)

Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius. (Quote by - Thomas Carlyle)

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. (Quote by - Jack Handey)


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