Dumb.com Humor Quotes, Quotations and Humor Sayings
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This section contains Humor Quotes




Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn. (Quote by - Irvin S Cobb)

I said that Sean Hannity took residence up Newt Gingrich's butt from 94 to 98. I got that from British intelligence. It turns out he only took up residence in 95. (Quote by - Al Franken)

Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. (Quote by - Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless)

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' (Quote by - Charles M. Schulz)

Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown. (Quote by - Woody Allen)

My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes. (Quote by - Douglas Adams)

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. (Quote by - John Kenneth Galbraith)

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth. (Quote by - George Jean Nathan)

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. (Quote by - George Ade)

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world. (Quote by - George Bernard Shaw)

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said 'Now who's asking the questions?' (Quote by - Jack Handey)

The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain. (Quote by - Wendy Wasserstein)

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance. (Quote by - Peter De Vries)

He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. (Quote by - Harry Kalas)

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit. (Quote by - Aristotle)

One doesn't have a sense of humor It has you. (Quote by - Larry Gelbart)

Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius. (Quote by - Thomas Carlyle)

There's the Humor of it. (Quote by - William Shakespeare)

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. (Quote by - Agnes Repplier)

He who believes that the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs. (Quote by - Torvald Gahlin)

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. (Quote by - Francis Bacon)

Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it 'dull' that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull? (Quote by - Jack Handey)

In the end, everything is a gag. (Quote by - Terry Cohen)

This I conceive to be the chemical function of humor: to change the character of our thought. (Quote by - Lin Yutang)

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. (Quote by - Henry Ward Beecher)


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