I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality. (Quote by - Jack Handey)

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. (Quote by - Robin Williams)

Those who are serious in ridiculous matters will be ridiculous in serious matters. (Quote by - Cato the Elder)

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. (Quote by - Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch)

A rich man's joke is always funny. (Quote by - Thomas Edward Brown)

A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself. (Quote by - Jessamyn West)

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people. (Quote by - Orson Welles)

WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness. (Quote by - Ellie Katz)

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. (Quote by - Nicholas Chamfort)

A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life. (Quote by - Hugh Sidey)

Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they find laughable. (Quote by - Anonymous)

Now I perceive the devil understands Welsh. And 'tis no marvel he is so humorous. By'r Lady, he is a good musician. (Quote by - William Shakespeare)

One never needs their humor as much a when they argue with a fool. (Quote by - Chinese Proverbs)

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be laughing, then jumping off something. (Quote by - Jack Handey)

Humor is tragedy plus time (Quote by - Mark Twain)

A sense of humor is needed armor Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life. (Quote by - Hugh Sidey)

You can't have everything... where would you put it? (Quote by - Steven Wright)

The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good. (Quote by - Robert Graves)

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them. (Quote by - Jack Handey)

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. (Quote by - Mark Twain)

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news. (Quote by - Anthony Burgess)

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad. (Quote by - Jack Handey)

That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny. (Quote by - Horace Walpole)

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. (Quote by - Horace Walpole)

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night (Quote by - Dave Barry)