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Things We Have Learned From Watching Movies:

  • It is always possible to park directly outside in front of the building you are visiting.
  • Bad guys kill their henchman for failing, yet never run out of loyal henchmen.
  • A theater can only be saved from demolition by staging a musical extravaganza at very short notice.
  • All movie mothers will prepare a breakfast, usually consisting of scrambled eggs, bacon, etc. Dad and the kids will invariably arrive at the table 30 seconds before Dad has to leave for the office and the kids have to catch the school bus. Each will have time only for a sip of coffee/juice and/or one bite of toast.
  • A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
  • If an investigation proves difficult, a Chief of Police will either suspend his star detective or give him 48 hours to finish the job. The detective can only solve the case once this has happened.
  • Chases in San Francisco will always involve a trolley in some way.
  • Women always stand and watch the cars that are about to run them over.
  • Fat kids don't have real names, only nicknames.
  • In courtrooms, objections will only be sustained if the attorney stands up and pounds the table with righteous anger or other dramatic displays of indignity.
  • On the last day of school, it is required you bust open the doors, run out and jump the flight of stairs while simultaneously throwing all of your papers on the floor.
  • If you try hard enough, you can outrun an explosion.
  • Men in bars will just order a "beer" never a brand name and then without any questions will be served one.
  • Donít worry if you ever have to jump through a window to escape. You wonít get cut.
  • No matter how dead you think you've killed a bad guy, he can still get up at least three more times.
  • In all high school or college classrooms, the teacher or professor will always be interrupted in mid-sentence by the end-of-class bell.
  • When a disaster is eminent, there is one person who knows exactly what's going on and what people must do to survive. Everyone ignores this person.
  • However hard the hero is beaten he'll always ask "is that the best you can do?"
  • Assassins will always wait till the very last moment to assemble their complex sniper pistol that's the size of a rifle.
  • People always wake up from dreams repeating the last thing they said in the dream, over and over.
  • When looking through binoculars, you always see things through a figure-eight shape.
  • Gunshot wounds will not disable you as long as you still have an important task left to do.
  • Any elevator will automatically go to your floor without pressing any buttons and take as long as your conversation to reach the right floor.
  • The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
  • You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
  • If you are asking a bartender for information on someone it will be necessary to slap a $20 bill into his palm after each and every sentence to "refresh" his memory.
  • In a two cop partnership, only one of them can be streetwise, own a cool car or have a family.
  • Any person waking from a nightmare will bolt upright and pant.
  • Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
  • If defibrillation doesn't work, the best way to revive someone whose heart has stopped is to scream "You can't do this to me! I love you, goddammit!" at them.
  • Anyone observing a funeral from a distance either has important information about the deceased, or is the killer.
  • You can always rely on your car keys already being in the ignition when you get in the car, but if itís an emergency, you wonít be able to find the keys anywhere.
  • Your aim is always more accurate if you do a somersault and fire immediately upon landing.
  • If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade.
  • The bad guy will always throw his gun at you to indicate he has run out of bullets.
  • Vicious guard dogs can be easily distracted with a piece of steak.
  • High school nerds are always small enough to be shoved inside lockers.
  • Hospital administrators don't care about the well-being of patients, only about money.
  • Every flea-bag hotel has a flashing, buzzing neon "Hotel" sign just outside every window. And one of the letters is not working properly.
  • Any murdered child had dozens of sports trophies in his or her room.
  • You can jump from a tall building and land on mattresses, a pile of boxes, or a dumpster full of garbage and, though you might groan and be a little slow getting up, you will not sustain any injuries.
  • If a soldier tries to look up an old buddy who was transferred to different unit, the buddy will be dead or will die shortly there after.
  • When bringing home bags of groceries, you will spill at least one bag on the kitchen floor.
  • All single women have a cat.
  • There always have to be at least 20 police cars in any car chase. These cars will simply drive one behind the other, until the one at the front hits something. None of the ones behind will have brakes.
  • People who retire always buy a boat.
  • A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
  • Crowds in nightclubs always leave room on the dance floor for especially talented dancers.
  • A cup of black coffee or a splash of cold water in the face is enough to render the most inebriated person stone cold sober.
  • If the phone or alarm clock wakes you up, youíll always knock it over when reaching for it.
  • Computer hacking consists entirely of typing really, really fast. Type fast enough and you can access anything.
  • You can always park directly outside any building you visit.
  • Bar fights are almost guaranteed if country music is playing on the jukebox.
  • If youíre involved in a chase, feel free to drive on the sidewalk. People have good reflexes and will always be able to jump out of the way.
  • No monster-killing stratagem can be used more than once, even if it only failed through some bizarre fluke. Neither can it be refined and tried again. You have to start over with a completely new plan.
  • If someone calls you one the phone saying he has vital information and asks to meet you somewhere, don't bother showing up. He'll be dead when you get there, and you'll be framed for his murder.
  • It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
  • Every car that goes off any cliff will explode before it hits the ground.
  • Cops never walk all the way to apprehend suspects, they stop halfway and yell "stop, police!" ensuring that the suspect will take off and there will be a chase.
  • London is foggy.
  • If someone fails to kill a monster, he can't try again with the same plan, or even refine the plan. He must come up with a totally different plan.
  • No matter how ugly a teenage girl is, she can look gorgeous if another teenager cuts her hair and buys her new clothes.
  • Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings, especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange accident.
  • All explosive devices have a sneaky redundant circuit to fool anyone trying to defuse it.
  • When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
  • No matter how crowded the bar is, there are always extra stools available right in front of a bartender who is just standing there waiting for someone to order.
  • A gang of highly-trained terrorists will always separate and search for an intruder making it easier to kill them off one-by-one.
  • Having his wife go into labor makes every man a blithering idiot.
  • If you own an outdoor fruit stand, it will inevitably be run over by a car.
  • In any fight between two men, the one with the least practical weapon will win.
  • Being around a bomb causes time to slow down.
  • If you're walking down the street and someone bumps into you, they've either just taken your wallet or planted a listening device on you.
  • Whenever two women get into a fight, they start by pulling each otherís hair, falling to the ground, and rolling over twice.
  • Falling from the roof of a moving train is much more likely when the train crosses a high bridge with a river below.
  • Old men die of heart attacks, old women in their sleep.
  • When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are the best weapons.
  • If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
  • Radiation causes interesting mutations - not to your future children, but to you, right then and there.
  • If you're ever on guard duty and another guard says, "it's awfully quiet out there tonight", the correct response is "yeah...too quiet."
  • Makeup can safely be worn to bed without smudging.
  • Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
  • If anyone ever says "Can things get any worse?", they soon will be.
  • The insides of elevator shafts are kept immaculate so that you can climb in them without getting grease or dirt on your clothes.
  • There is always a back way out, usually through the kitchen.
  • If you are checking into a low budget hotel or motel the manager desk clerk will always have a negative attitude and you will be interrupting his favorite TV Show.
  • People in foreign countries don't speak foreign languages. They speak English with a foreign accent.
  • If a soldier comments about how nice everything looks, too bad there's a war going on, he's going to come back when this is all over, he'll be immediately shot by a sniper.
  • Deranged killers only escape when a thunderstorm has knocked out all power and telephone lines.
  • When the hero destroys something in a spectacular explosion, he never watches his handiwork. He's either walking or driving away looking in the opposite direction.
  • Thereís always a corrupt police officer.
  • Female abductees always try to be nice to the kidnapper, and then when that doesn't work they tell them that they're boyfriend/brother/father will kill them when they arrive.
  • During battles, horses never get hit by bullets.
  • Bags of groceries are never heavy.
  • Bad guys die instantly, good guys die slowly.
  • If a man is involved in a fight, his girlfriend will just watch instead of trying to help him.
  • All government agencies have computer systems where their logo is a prominent feature.
  • If the tapping sound or flashing light represents Morse Code, there's always someone around that can interpret the message.
  • Whenever someone decides to write a book, they must first quit their job, then buy a nice country home to move to. They will then load the first page into their typewriter, and suddenly get writer's block.
  • It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
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