- What do you call an oyster that won't share?
A selfish shellfish.
- Why were the apple and orange alone?
Because the banana split.
- Why did the fox cross the road?
To get the chicken.
- Why did the student throw his watch out of the school window?
He wanted to see time fly.
- What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
- Why aren't bananas ever lonely?
Because they come in bunches.
- What do you call an angry pea?
- What did they say to the man who went for a job at the print shop?
Sorry, you're not the right type.
- Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot.
- What is an archaeologist?
Someone who's career is in ruins.
- Did you hear the one about the fox with no ears?
He didn't either.
- Where did the sheep go for a haircut?
To the baaah ber.
- What is a zombie's least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling crummy.
- Which month do soldiers hate most?
The month of March.
- Why did the dog cross the road?
To chase the cat on the other side.
- Where was tennis invented?
- Why did the tree go to the dentist?
To get a root canal.
- Why did the child study in the airplane?
He wanted a higher education!
- Why was the broom late?
It over swept.