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Zoo Christmas
The Crist family worked at a zoo.
Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu.
If the gnu's ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen.
But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come.
One year it was young Mary's turn to "survey" the animal and come up with the prediction.
It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage.
She was late in coming to check on the gnu.
Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good.
To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later:
MARY CRIST MISSES A HAPPY GNU'S EAR!
Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu.
If the gnu's ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen.
But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come.
One year it was young Mary's turn to "survey" the animal and come up with the prediction.
It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage.
She was late in coming to check on the gnu.
Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good.
To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later:
MARY CRIST MISSES A HAPPY GNU'S EAR!
A Childs View Of A Retirement
After Christmas break, the teacher asked her small pupils how they spent their holidays.
One small boy's reply went like this:
We always spent Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarted and they moved to Arizona.
They go to a big building they call a wrecked hall. But if it was wrecked, it is fixed now. They play games there and do exercises, but they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool and they go to it and just stand in the water with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks there. They all go to fastfood restaurants.
As you come into the park, there is a doll house with a man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. They wear badges with their names on them. I guess they don't know who they are.
My Grandma said Grandpa worked hard all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back home, but I guess the man in the doll house won't let them out.
One small boy's reply went like this:
We always spent Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarted and they moved to Arizona.
They go to a big building they call a wrecked hall. But if it was wrecked, it is fixed now. They play games there and do exercises, but they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool and they go to it and just stand in the water with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks there. They all go to fastfood restaurants.
As you come into the park, there is a doll house with a man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. They wear badges with their names on them. I guess they don't know who they are.
My Grandma said Grandpa worked hard all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back home, but I guess the man in the doll house won't let them out.
10 Rejected Sat. Morning Cartoons
"Billy, the Homicidal Smurf." "Scooby and Shaggy Go To The Retirement Home." "Archie, the Abcessed Tooth." "Yosemite Sam...UNCENSORED!" "The Golden Girls meet The Power Rangers." "Da Boys in Mister Rogers Neighborhood." "The Land of The Lost...The Barney Years." "COPS" in full color animation!
A way to save your marriage
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.
The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
Your mom's bra size
You so stupid, you thought 401K was your mom's bra size!
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Zoo Christmas
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