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You're Passionate
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering down the street.
Stopping her, they saw that she had had far too much to drink. Instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.
They loaded her into the police cruiser, and one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman.
As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, but all she would say as she stroked the officer's arm was, "You're passionate."
They drove a while longer and asked again, again the same response as she stroked his arm, "You're passionate."
The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look, we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live."
She replied, "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!"
Stopping her, they saw that she had had far too much to drink. Instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.
They loaded her into the police cruiser, and one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman.
As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, but all she would say as she stroked the officer's arm was, "You're passionate."
They drove a while longer and asked again, again the same response as she stroked his arm, "You're passionate."
The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look, we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live."
She replied, "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!"
Studying
Bella was the only Jewess in her class at an exclusive school in Scarsdale. Quite rightly, she considered herself a lucky girl since, in those days, only gentiles were admitted.
Bella's closest friend was Cynthia, a Greek Catholic. When the girls took their final examinations, Bella passed with straight A's but Cynthia failed miserably.
"I just can't understand it," complained Cynthia. "Just before the tests I lit candles to St. Peter, St. Barnabas and several other saints, and look what happened!"
"I lit a candle too," said Bella.
"What! You, a Jewess, lit a candle? To whom?"
"To nobody. I lit the candle and stayed up all night, studying."
Bella's closest friend was Cynthia, a Greek Catholic. When the girls took their final examinations, Bella passed with straight A's but Cynthia failed miserably.
"I just can't understand it," complained Cynthia. "Just before the tests I lit candles to St. Peter, St. Barnabas and several other saints, and look what happened!"
"I lit a candle too," said Bella.
"What! You, a Jewess, lit a candle? To whom?"
"To nobody. I lit the candle and stayed up all night, studying."
Sweet, Sweet Road Rage
An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a youngman in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space shewas waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up tothe man and said, "I was going to park there!" The man was a real smartaleck and he said, "That's what you can do when you're young andbright."Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car andbacked it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into hisMercedes. The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you dothat for?" The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"
Mensch
There once were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their evil ways from the public eye. They attended the same temple, and to everyone else, they appeared to be perfect Jews.
One day, their rabbi retired and a new one was hired. Not only could the new rabbi see right through the brothers' deceptions, but he also spoke well and true about it. Due to the rabbi's honesty and integrity, the temple's membership grew in numbers. Eventually, a fundraising campaign was started to build a much bigger temple.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new rabbi the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to complete the new building. He held the check for the rabbi to see.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At the funeral, you must say my brother was a mensch. You must say those exact words."
After some thought, the rabbi gave his word and took the check. He cashed it immediately.
At the funeral the next day, however, the rabbi did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said about the dead brother. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family. Never once did he commit an unselfish act." He railed on and on about the deceased. After nearly a half hour of the evil truth, the rabbi paused and shrugged his shoulders. Finally, he said, "But compared to his brother, he was a mensch."
One day, their rabbi retired and a new one was hired. Not only could the new rabbi see right through the brothers' deceptions, but he also spoke well and true about it. Due to the rabbi's honesty and integrity, the temple's membership grew in numbers. Eventually, a fundraising campaign was started to build a much bigger temple.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new rabbi the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to complete the new building. He held the check for the rabbi to see.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At the funeral, you must say my brother was a mensch. You must say those exact words."
After some thought, the rabbi gave his word and took the check. He cashed it immediately.
At the funeral the next day, however, the rabbi did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said about the dead brother. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family. Never once did he commit an unselfish act." He railed on and on about the deceased. After nearly a half hour of the evil truth, the rabbi paused and shrugged his shoulders. Finally, he said, "But compared to his brother, he was a mensch."
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You're Passionate
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