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Those Conceited Bastard Doctors
Q: What is the difference between a brain surgeon and God? <p>A: God doesn't think he's a brain surgeon!
Christmas Snow
One christmas mourning Hillary Clinton looked out her window to find someone wrote Hillary sucks in pee on the snow.
So she called the police and they told her they would do tests.
The following week the police chief came back and said that he had bad news and worse news. The bad news is it is Bill's urine and the worse news is it is Monica's hand writing.
So she called the police and they told her they would do tests.
The following week the police chief came back and said that he had bad news and worse news. The bad news is it is Bill's urine and the worse news is it is Monica's hand writing.
Army Police Brutality
Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the streets after 6 o'clock. So one day, they're out at twenty to 6, when Paddy spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked.
"What are you doin', Paddy? It ain't 6 yet!"
"I know what I'm doin'. I know where he lives and he wouldn't have made it!"
"What are you doin', Paddy? It ain't 6 yet!"
"I know what I'm doin'. I know where he lives and he wouldn't have made it!"
Business one-liners 94
Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairmen.
Those who live closest arrive latest.
Those with the best advice offer no advice.
To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen.
To attract maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big, dumb mistake.
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
To err is human. To admit it is a blunder.
To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human.
To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.
To err is human. To forgive is simply not company policy.
Those who live closest arrive latest.
Those with the best advice offer no advice.
To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen.
To attract maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big, dumb mistake.
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
To err is human. To admit it is a blunder.
To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human.
To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.
To err is human. To forgive is simply not company policy.
Expensive Perfume
A young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman and says arrogantly, ''Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!''
Another young, beautiful woman gets onto the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, ''Chanel No. 5, $150 dollars an ounce!''
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both of the women in the eyes, turns around, bends over, farts and says, ''Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!''
Another young, beautiful woman gets onto the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, ''Chanel No. 5, $150 dollars an ounce!''
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both of the women in the eyes, turns around, bends over, farts and says, ''Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!''
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Those Conceited Bastard Doctors
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