The host asks him, "And what are you?"
The man says, “I’m a snail."
The host says, "And who's that on your back?"
And the man says, "That's Michelle!"

What is a slug?
A snail with a housing problem.

Whats the difference between a politician and a snail? One is slimy, a pest and leaves a trail everywhere, and the other is a snail.

 

What did the snail say to his ex wife?....
‘I’M STILL LEAVING YOU!’

 

A snail goes to a Cadillac dealership and buys a new car. But when he buys it he has specific instructions for the dealer.
"I want you to give it a paint job" says the snail.
"Sure, what color?" says the dealer.
"I want you to paint a big red S on the hood, the doors, the roof and the trunk." instructs the snail.
"Sure thing," says the dealer, "but can I ask why?"
The snail looks at him and explains:
" So when I go driving up and down the strip all the people watching me say "Look at that S Car Go!!!!

 

Why did the shy snail drink?
‘to come out of his shell!’

why did the other snail drink?
‘because he was an alcoholic!’

 

Why did the snail cross the road?
I don't know but I'll let you know when it gets here.

 

Where do you find Giant snails?
On the end of Giant's fingers!

 

What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back?
"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"

A snail walks into a bank to make a deposit. Then a turtle comes in and robs the bank. Afterward, the police are interviewing the snail and asks him to recount what had happened. The snail says, "I don't know, it all happened so fast."