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Real Estate Ads Translated
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  • Enormous potential: Enormous amount of work to do.
  • Low maintenance lot – No yard; the kids will have to play in the street
  • Close to school: close to vandals.
  • Outstanding: Sticks out like a sore thumb.
  • One-Of-A-Kind: Ugly as sin.
  • Above ground pool: Piece of leaky plastic filled with water.
  • Unique City Home: Used to be a warehouse.
  • Mint: Someone spilled mouthwash on carpet.
  • 1 car garage – You can drive your car into the garage but there is no room to open the door
  • Picturesque setting: Abandoned cars and waist-high weeds in neighboring lots.
  • Seasonal creek – Muddy ditch across the property
  • Absolute water frontage: Gets flooded out every ten years.
  • Bedroom in basement – Basement has a 1′ by 2′ window.
  • Desirable neighborhood – This little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputation
  • Wide-open floor plan: Previous owner removed supporting walls.
  • Ready to move in – the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint.
  • Motivated sellers – Bank is about to foreclose.
  • Close to public transportation: Beneath railway line.
  • Territorial view – Good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window
  • Delightful cottage: Garden is overgrown.
  • Executive style living: Has a spa.
  • Country in the city – A grotesquely overpriced large lot with a 2 bedroom house built before World War I.
  • Prime location: Next to a factory.
  • Newly remodeled kitchen – 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents.
  • Stunning house – The house is not ugly.
  • Leafy aspects: Trees block your view.
  • Investment Opportunity: Needs a lot of money spent to fix it up.
  • Lower-level family room: Ping-pong table over sewer opening.
  • Move-in condition: Front door missing.
  • Short walk to shops: 5 minute walk to shops. Minutes to shops: 10 minute walk to shops. Handy to shops: Nowhere near shops.
  • Usable land – All the trees are gone.
  • Must see inside – the outside is ugly.
  • Old World Charm: Has some woodwork. Needs cleaning.
  • Situated in rapidly progressing area: In the sticks.
  • Contemporary Feeling: Has no woodwork. Needs cleaning.
  • Three season sunroom – A small addition the owner did not have enough money to insulate.
  • Tudor – Two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter.
  • Easy walking distance too ____: Two miles from ____.
  • Developers take note: The house is falling down.
  • Near transportation – Amtrak train goes through the backyard, every 15 minutes, day and night.
  • Wildlife nearby – Children and pets get ticks and fleas.
  • Ready to remodel – the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in.
  • Brand new: 1 year old. New: 3 years old. As new: 6 years old. Modern: 10 years old. Solid: 15 yeas old. Cottage: 25 years old. Full of character: 50 years old.
  • Easy to heat – See “cozy”.
  • Nothing to spend: After buying you'll have nothing left to spend.
  • Upper Bracket: If you have to ask...
  • Includes all the things that make a house a home: Has an indoor toilet.
  • Easy freeway access – Noisy arterial street close to freeway
  • Will not last at this price: Will not sell at this price.
  • Light, open spaces: Many holes in walls.
  • Sophisticated City Living: Next to noisy bar.
  • Neighborhood watch – Your next door neighbor has binoculars trained on your house
  • Close to lakes: Impossible to park on the street from April to October.
  • Updated kitchen: Sink no longer overflows.
  • Partially renovated: Owner gave up on a hopeless case.
  • Security system: Neighbor has dog
  • Handyman's delight: The roof is about to collapse.
  • Doll-house – Tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks.
  • Beautifully presented: The lawn has been mowed.
  • Land suitable for a pole home: On a cliff.
  • Cape Cod – Styled after Third World slum dwellings.
  • Brilliant Concept: Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See "Makes Dramatic Statement."
  • Tasteful: Carpeted.
  • Sunny corner lot – Noisy intersection of two busy streets
  • Convenient: Located on freeway entrance ramp.
  • Suit young kids: You can allow kids to run wild, nothing worth protecting from damage.
  • Not much mowing: No land.
  • Sophisticated: Black walls and no windows. See "Architect's Delight."
  • Close to all amenities – The backyard is a shopping mall parking lot.
  • Potential is immeasurable: Present value is minimal.
  • Retirement special: A good home to die in.
  • Pet friendly neighborhood – Organic matter constantly deposited in the front lawn
  • A rare find: Rare to find a house built like this still standing.
  • Magnificent aspects: On a hill.
  • Cozy – Not a single room could fit a full size bed.
  • Loads of character: Bizarre.
  • Charming: Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place. See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home."
  • Needs TLC - Major structural damage.
  • You'll Love It: No, you won't.
  • Recreation room with wet bar – Basement has been painted and has a faucet.
  • Prestige surrounds: All the other houses in the street are nicer.
  • Executive home: Overpriced.
  • Storybook – The house is old and the roof is not flat
  • Meticulously maintained in the original condition – The appliances are 50 years old
  • Lots of storage space – Basement too small to be called a family room.
  • Inner city living at its best: Close to muggers.
  • Build sweat equity – The house is not inhabitable
  • Generous built-ins: Has cupboards.
  • Country living – Too far from anywhere to drive to work.
  • Old charmer – An old and ugly house.
  • Efficiently designed kitchen – The kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time
  • Sought after location: Frequently broken into.
  • Large family room – Large basement.
  • Just available – Previous owner just died on the premises.
  • Must See To Believe: An absolutely accurate statement.


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