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How offensive is that?Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, A crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostle's. "Paul... Paul," He calls out.Paul hears his name and comes to the front of the gathering. "Yes Jesus,how may I serve you" he exclaims. Just then a guard comes up to Paul, cuts Paul's right arm off with his sword, and throws him back into the crowd, saying "No one is allowed to speak with the prisoner!" Jesus once again calls his name. "Paul . . .Paul", he calls. Paul, determined goes to the front of the gathering again. There he meets the same gaurd who this time cuts off the left arm, and both legs and throws him back into the crowd.Jesus yells out once again , "Paul,...Paul". Paul , who is now lying on his back on the ground attempts to roll to the front of the gathering. The guard seeing this determination and devotion finally weakens and decides to let Paul speak to Jesus. He goes over to Paul, picks him up and brings him to the front of the crowd. Paul, with tears in his eyes looks up to his savior and speaks, "Yes Jesus, I am here. What is it I can do for you?" Jesus looks over the horizon and then to Paul and states,"Oh nothing. I just wanted to tell you that I could see your house from here!"

How do you turn a "fox" into a "cow"?

Marry her!

Two men from Canada were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something.

The first man says to the other, "If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you."



After about three hours, the second man finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo.

The next morning, the first man finds the second with the help of forest rangers. He asks the first man if he did what he told him to do.

The man answers, "Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows."

A high school senior was inspecting Harvard University, where he hopedto attend the following autumn. As he was walking across the Quad, he stopped a distinguished-looking man and asked: "Sir, can you pleasetell me where your library is at?"The man looked down his nose and replied: "Son, I'm head of the English department, and I can assure you we don't end our sentences with prepositions. Re-cast your sentence in a proper form and I will reply.""Can you tell me where your library is at, ass-hole?"

|USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me

You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

How offensive is that?
Tags: jokes
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Hayley [2008-03-03 23:33:28]	lol i like the jesus one

haleyrockstar66 [2008-05-20 04:49:09]	jesus one OMG THATS HORRIBLE THAT IS SOOOOO OFFENSIVE OMG THATS SOO MEAN I KNOW ITS FAKE AND ALL BUT ITS STILL HORRIBLE horrible as in mean

bmxx [2008-05-25 10:23:34]	THE ARMY ONE IS FED UP

bmxx [2008-05-25 10:24:55]	THE ELEVATOR ONE IS FUNNY

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