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Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team?s response times. ?Since we installed our new satellite navigation system,? bragged one, ?we?ve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.?

?Not bad,? the second paramedic commented. ?But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent.?

?That?s nothing said the third paramedic. ?Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we?ve cut our emergency response time in half!?

President George W. Bush was getting angry about the public opinion of his ability to govern, so he arranged a press conference to let the American public know what was on his mind.
He started strongly, "The American People must know that I am wholly fit, capable, and prepared to serve this nation as commander-in-chief. And I say to those people who believe that I don't have a mind of my own..." Bush said and froze. He looked over at Cheney and whispered, "Dick, what do I say to them again...?"

Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"

John and Mary visit their pastor for marriage counseling. The pastor gets up and hugs Mary, and sits down. He gets up and hugs Mary a second, and third time, and then turns to John and says, "See that, John. Mary needs that EVERY DAY!"John replies, "Well, that's fine, Pastor. But I can't bring her over hereexcept on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

10) Viet Nam was a jungle war; Desert Storm is a desert war. (as noted by V.P. Quayle)

9) The U.S. is not the world's most profligate waster of rice.

8) We are not killing Vietnamese women and children in Desert Storm.

7) The White House wasn't smart enough to come up with a catchy name for the Viet Nam war.

7') Viet Nam was a conflict--Desert Storm is an operation.

6) Some Americans actually believed that we were defending a democratic government in Viet Nam.

5) The time difference from the U.S. to the middle east is better suited to prime time live coverage of the festivities.

4) Nobody ever compared Ho Chi Minh to Adolf Hitler.

3) We hadn't been supplying weapons and intelligence to the North Vietnamese until weeks before the war began.

2) The networks didn't have slick computer graphics with dramatic theme music for the Viet Nam war.

and the number one reason why Operation Desert Storm is not like Viet Nam:

1) Since Viet Nam came first, we could claim that we didn't know any better.

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