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One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea.<br>"Driver? Can I drive for a while?"<br>"Sure," says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope? So the Pope takes the wheel and starts driving like a maniac all around Washington -- dodging in and out of traffic, going eighty, cutting people off. Soon, a cop pulls him over. But when the Pope rolls down the window, the cop stops dead in his tracks, and goes back to the car.<br>"We got somebody really important here," he says to his partner.<br>"Who is it? Is it a senator?"<br>"No. More important."<br>"The president?"<br>"No. More important."<br>"An ambassador? Who?"<br>"I don't know. But the Pope is his driver."

What do you call an honest lawyer?

Broke.

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis

1. Watch the sunset-- on a sled.2. Smile more, --it might get you a free beer.3. Complain less. --It might get you a free beer.4. Surprise a friend with a call. -- It might get you a free beer.5. Develop your gifts. -- You might need them.6. Count your blessings. -- You might need these too!7. Talk to someone in an elevator. -- Particularly ones with Arctic Cat jackets on, or those carrying beer.8. Breathe consciously once in a while. -- This cures snoring.9. Enjoy sneezes -- and stay behind the one sneezing.10. Appreciate that your leg isn't broken, -- unless you are an actor.11. Be unique, --it demonstrates difference!12. Sing in the shower. -- With a friend!13. Put your shoes on the wrong feet and laugh at yourself, -- or have someone laugh at you.14. Make someone's day, -- or night.15. Stand on your head. -- For a free beer!16. Stare at the world above you. -- Hopefully not from under a bar.17. Play with an animal. -- Be sure it is one which cannot eat you!18. Slurp Jell-O. --Add Vodka for flavor.19. Do something unplanned. -- Plan to do it this weekend!20. Plan to do something and have it go as planned. -- This is hard!21. Stand back and look in. -- Tell my wife this when shopping all the time.22. Appreciate a paradox -- paradox a appreciate.23. Dive in. -- Naked!24. Get grass stains. -- Naked :)25. Wave your hands in the air.-- Use the middle finger at birds.26. Swim with the fishes. -- Again, naked.27. Make maple syrup. -- Don't use pine juice.28. Climb a tree. --Don't climb a pine.29. Spin in a circle once while walking to class. -- Don't fall in a mud puddle.30. Tell someone they look nice. -- You look nice.31. Collect something, -- like taxes from the tax collector!32. Walk barefoot every chance you get. -- Even in the snow!33. Build a sand castle, -- or a snowman.34. Walk with no destination. -- Talk with no destination.35. When all your exams are done, treat yourself to an ice cream cone. -- OK I WILL! Then a beer.36. Entertain yourself by making faces. -- bend over and see if they look the same.37. Don't just listen, try to hear. --Then try to listen to a friend.38. Wear shoes until they're so old they won't stay on your feet. --Then wear them swimming.39. Appreciate the primary colors. -- Know them!40. When you wake up, realize you're alive. -- Promise not to use vulgarities.41. Walk in the rain, -- with a bar of soap.42. Blow bubbles, -- in the tub!43. Make the most of where you are. -- Ride an Arctic Cat!44. Jump as high as you can. -- Come down on an empty beer can, and recycle it.45. Dance -- in bed46. Talk less and say more. --Carry a BIG stick.47. Exercise before you diet. -- 12 oz. curls don't count do they?48. Learn to play chess. -- That and Linear Algebra may come in handy.49. Sit by a river. -- With a beer, on an Arctic Cat.50. Never lose your sense of humor. -- You will need it!

Walking through a rough part of the city one night,
two social workers heard moans and groans and muted
cries for help coming from an alley. Walking toward
the sound, they found a semi-conscious man.



"Help me!" he said weakly. "I've been robbed! And
the guy was angry that I didn't have much money on
me, so he beat me up too!"



The two social workers stared at him for a moment
then walked back out of the alley.



One turned to the other and said, "You know, the
person who did that really could use some help!"

|How do fireflies start a race?Ready steady glow!

Coming to America
Tags: jokes
Submitted by Admin
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