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Chemistry song 06
The Twelve Days of Chemistry
On the first day of chemistry
My teacher gave to me
A candle from Chem Study.
(second day) two asbestos pads
(third day) three little beakers
(fourth day) four work sheets
(fifth day) five golden moles
(sixth day) six flaming test tubes
(seventh day) seven unknown samples
(eighth day) eight homework problems
(ninth day) nine grams of salt
(tenth day) a ten page test
(eleventh day) eleven molecules
(twelfth day) a twelve point quiz
On the first day of chemistry
My teacher gave to me
A candle from Chem Study.
(second day) two asbestos pads
(third day) three little beakers
(fourth day) four work sheets
(fifth day) five golden moles
(sixth day) six flaming test tubes
(seventh day) seven unknown samples
(eighth day) eight homework problems
(ninth day) nine grams of salt
(tenth day) a ten page test
(eleventh day) eleven molecules
(twelfth day) a twelve point quiz
Too many Y2K fears
Signs You Took Y2K Too Serious
You didn't find out that nothing happened for a week because you were holed up in your cellar.
You don't have to go to the grocery store for a year.
You invited the local football team over to eat twice this week, and you still have food left!
You have no savings left because you used it to prepare.
You spent the first week of the new year digging up all your valubles.
You went to the bank on Monday and deposited $2000 of one & five dollar bills.
You went ahead and had your water shut off, so you could use your stored bottled water.
You were depressed because nothing happened
You didn't find out that nothing happened for a week because you were holed up in your cellar.
You don't have to go to the grocery store for a year.
You invited the local football team over to eat twice this week, and you still have food left!
You have no savings left because you used it to prepare.
You spent the first week of the new year digging up all your valubles.
You went to the bank on Monday and deposited $2000 of one & five dollar bills.
You went ahead and had your water shut off, so you could use your stored bottled water.
You were depressed because nothing happened
A redneck oil change
The Redneck Oil Change Checklist
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss and complain.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.
Money Spent:
$50 parts
$12 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!
$1000 Bail
$200 Impound and towing fee
Total: $1337
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss and complain.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.
Money Spent:
$50 parts
$12 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!
$1000 Bail
$200 Impound and towing fee
Total: $1337
Paraoh doesn't Pay
(To the tune of "I've been Working on the Railroad")
We've been working on these buildings;
Pharaoh doesn't pay.
We've been doing what he tells us
Mixing straw with clay.
Can't you hear the master calling,
"Hurry up, make that brick!"
Can't you feel the master whip us
'Til we're feeling sick.
Oy vay, it's a mess,
A terrible distress,
Oy vay, it's a mess for Jews, us Jews.
Moshe's in the palace with Pharaoh,
Warning of all God's clout, clout, clout.
Moshe's in the palace with Pharaoh,
And God's gonna get us out!
We're singing . . . .
Fee, Fi, Fiddely eye oh,
Make our matzahs "to go" oh oh oh.
Fee, Fi, Fiddely eye oh,
Stick it to the ol' Pharaoh!
16. Moses Island
(Sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island)
Just recline right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of dreadful trip.
That started with ten awful plagues brought onto Egypt,
brought unto Egypt.
The boss he was a Jewish man raised as a Pharaohâ?Ts son.
Then G-d he did come calling and soon the fun begun,
soon the fun begun.
More blood, such frogs, and all those bugs,
Pharaoh could just barely see.
The Jews were really scoring points and soon they would be free.
and soon they would be free.
They shlepped and shlepped for forty years across a desert land.
He went up to Mt Sinai and a party soon began,
a party soon began.
Moses, the Pharaoh too, Aaron and his wife.
Marianne the skipper too here
on the desert island.
We've been working on these buildings;
Pharaoh doesn't pay.
We've been doing what he tells us
Mixing straw with clay.
Can't you hear the master calling,
"Hurry up, make that brick!"
Can't you feel the master whip us
'Til we're feeling sick.
Oy vay, it's a mess,
A terrible distress,
Oy vay, it's a mess for Jews, us Jews.
Moshe's in the palace with Pharaoh,
Warning of all God's clout, clout, clout.
Moshe's in the palace with Pharaoh,
And God's gonna get us out!
We're singing . . . .
Fee, Fi, Fiddely eye oh,
Make our matzahs "to go" oh oh oh.
Fee, Fi, Fiddely eye oh,
Stick it to the ol' Pharaoh!
16. Moses Island
(Sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island)
Just recline right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of dreadful trip.
That started with ten awful plagues brought onto Egypt,
brought unto Egypt.
The boss he was a Jewish man raised as a Pharaohâ?Ts son.
Then G-d he did come calling and soon the fun begun,
soon the fun begun.
More blood, such frogs, and all those bugs,
Pharaoh could just barely see.
The Jews were really scoring points and soon they would be free.
and soon they would be free.
They shlepped and shlepped for forty years across a desert land.
He went up to Mt Sinai and a party soon began,
a party soon began.
Moses, the Pharaoh too, Aaron and his wife.
Marianne the skipper too here
on the desert island.
Grandma Redneck
You might be a redneck if your grandma goes to the bathroom and comes out yelling “Come look before I flush it!”
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