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it's not how you think it is.

i've always been the cute girl who sits on the fence. i don't look on the bright side, like i pretend to. to everyone around me, i'm the uber-childish and cheerful freshman. the truth is....I am a racist, self hating, greedy, material, easily angered, witch. even I know it. well, actually, i'm the only one who DOES. when i'm told i'm cute, witch happens a lot, i say thank you, or 'no, i'm not really.' but i really think i'm the cutest looking girl alive, or at least the whole school. the walls are down. i don't care. no more cutesy. try this on for size.

I feel like my dad doesn't like how I turned out.

I feel like I am a disappointment to him. I feel like he'd rather his stepson be his real son...


My best friend, roommate and hopefully future girlfriend was gone for six months and I saw her for the first time today. Words just can't describe how good it feels to be back in each others arms.

green lasers

I am obsessed with my green laser pen. I point the beam at anything and anyone. It cost me 100GBP a year ago and its dead good. It's 100mW output and it can damage your retina if you look directly at it. I shine it at people in the street and when they look around I duck behind the curtain like a wimp and giggle like a hysterical girl. Needless to say I can't get a girlfriend.

cans do fly

Tonight I got really pissed at my best friend for raggin on my kid. She always feels the need to correct my kids. To make them feel two inches tall. And if she doesn't get her way. Watch out. Every few years we really fight bad because she is very manipulative and tries to control everyone's lives. She got mad I got mad she was walking toward my kid and I threw my soda can at her. it hit her on the head square. she said she was gonna pass out, She started yelling and screaming then came over and punched me in the face hard. her husband got mad and started screaming about the neighbors. she went to the hospital to have her head checked out. i remained calm enough not to punch her lights out when she hit me back. sometimes i can't believe the stuff that she does. i think that she is stealing from people and she lies a lot. more then is normal. she always has to be right. she will do anything to cover her butt. i get so mad at her bad behavior. Now i am screwed. she will probably press charges if she's injured. She likes to fake injuries to get money too. What a glorious day this has turned out to be. My kids are freaked out. her kids are freaked out and we both have injuries. Points go to letting some stupid getting the best of you. Can I rewind please.


I just cheated on my husband for the first time ever. We have been together for almost ten years and something like this would never have crossed my mind. It felt so good in the moment. The worst part is I don't even feel bad about it. It was amazing to feel someone different inside me. I wish he wasn't leaving. I don't want to get attached to someone it's highly unlikely to have a future with.

Im broke

I am broke, I am a professional that lives in a nice house, who is happly married with children and I am broke. my credit cards are max'ed, I am upside down on a minivan, I have $40 in the bank. I had to spend my 401k of $36000 to help us with a layoff. I have no retirement. I am 38 and feel like I will be working for the rest of my life just to stay out of a nursing home. My wife tells me not to worry about it, but she has always been care free and go lucky. I do not know what I am going to do.

the girl

So my girlfriend is being totally stupid. Shes in a bad mood and taking it out on me. I know she doesn't mean 2, but it just sucks!

my roommate

I love you, and I think we're going to end up getting married, but I don't want to put myself out there yet until I know you realize you love me too.

bad mom

i don't have the heart to tell my gf that i think she's a bad mother. sometimes i just want to smack some sense into her.

I have no patience for incompetent people!

I hate saying this, but I have no patience for people who are lacking in intelligence, education, or just a clue. We have a young woman at our office who's getting training through a job-readiness program, and SHE IS COMPLETELY CLUELESS! I've almost yelled at her several times, and it's only her second day on the job. Everything I ask her to do, I end up redoing because she screwed it up. I know I should have compassion for her ("but for the grace of God" and all that) but I get so irritated with her. What makes it worse is that she's really sweet and really willing to work.

drive myself mad

i do this all the time, unable to turn around this feeling inside my head that somethings going to go wrong. and that its going to be my fault. or his. but im just so scared. always anxious. thinking. about him. and wishing i could just be thinking about happy stuff or other stuff...just not all this bad stuff. why? why? why? why? why do i do what i do? what do i have to be told, how do i have to be held, touched, to know that "everything's ok"? i want that feeling, but i feel so terrible at the mean and annoying ways i try to get that feeling. asking questions...making faces. feeling low. i feel terrible and want to make it all up to him. he has done wrong but i know that this larger hump in our feelings, is all me. i have to make him feel at ease. i have to let him know that i AM happy, that this IS what i want. i can do it...i just know ive messed up again yesterday. texted too long, wrote an email. immed. i shouldve just shut my mouth. closed my laptop. not written to him. but i couldnt. i had to hear from him. and then i let it make me feel worse. all because he didnt call me "baby". and why is that important? and why on earth does that make me cry?? i have to stop treating him this way. i will. i just hope he sticks around after yesterday and all the dumb crap i said like a desperate fool.

Want to be forgiven...

I've known my husband for almost 6 years now (dating and marriage together). This year will be our 4th wedding anniversary. Up until two years ago, our whole relationship was long distance (even the first two years of our marriage). When we started living together, things changed. In the begining, we'd had lots of ups and downs...lots of talk of divorce, or more so him telling me to leave because he wanted to go back to live with his family after his father passed away. I knew he was trying to push me away. I'd hear on an almost daily basis that he wanted me out, that if I wasn't in his life he wouldn't have to worry about "what to do" that he'd up and leave with no worries...This was a daily trend. At first I thought it may have to do with the stress of him being laid off, but even when he did find employment it didn't help. He has 4 sisters...and he loves them very very much...and everytime we got into an argument, I always told him that "how would you feel if some guy told your sister the same thing"? So..., when we were at the peak of one of our arguments, it was pretty severe (just words but they can cut like a knife too) I seeked God and I just begged, I begged from the depths of my soul that the only single sister that he has to get married and that her husband treats her the same way mine treated me...but our good times and our bad no more no less, so that he can see, realize how much he'd hurt me. I begged God because I didn't and don't want to leave him. I love him and know that we can have a good life together, if he can get passed his depression and realize that his father's passing didn't have to do with him (he had a tumor) but he feels alot of guilt for not being there and everyday our life is just building upon a thread. And so I prayed for his sister...Less than a couple of weeks later we received word that she's met someone, less than a couple of months later she was engaged and this March they were married and now she's pregnant and complaining to her brother talking about possibly getting a divorce and lot of their issues are the almost the same as ours...he's quiet at home, wants to be with his friends, wants her to leave so he can be with his family...the only difference is that she's pregnant and almost has no choice be to stay at least for the child...and now I feel really guilty...I didn't mean for this to happen. I never prayed for this...And the worst is yesterday, I told my husband that maybe it's Karma...maybe you're now seeing how you treated me and he was hurt...and I'm ashamed that I even said it especially in her situation... I don't know what to do except pray that things get better for her that it's just the first two months and their marriage will be strong, but I don't know. I prayed alot of things that night...I was having problems with my own family too...because of little dumb things that they all pick on me for and use as solid excuses not to speak to me...so I prayed that each and everyone in my own family experiences what I did that each of my sisters and my brother (when they do get married one day) to experience how horrible they made me feel...And above all at the time I seeked God and prayed never to be able to get pregnant...and then later I prayed that if we're meant to be together (not get divorced) that I get pregnant, but if not then no matter how much we try I don't...And now we've tried for a few months last summer with no results...I don't know if that's God answering my prayers saying that we're not going to be together...or just answering the first part I did in anger and never letting me get pregnant regardless...I feel that I've used God and my prayers for all the wrong reasons. I was heart broken and let my emotions get the better of me and I prayed and wished for some things that I shouldn't have and I don't know how to take it back and how I'm going to pay for all of this in the near future....I just want to be forgiven and I want to not be so cold...I don't know how to change all that i've done...I want to un-do all this...everyting and I don't know how...


i hate my family, they manipulate me and order me around. im pretty much their own personal slave. one day ill escape from here and leave this messed up world behind!!!! i wont be dead and cold anymore. who knows, maybe im capable of feeling anything other than sadness and anger.


I'm converting to Judaism but I just can't stop eating pork!

She voted for Huckabee

I broke up with her because she voted for Huckabee. I used the typical lies about needing space, being at different places in our lives, blah blah blah. But the actual reason is because she voted for Huckabee, and nothing else.


i told my mom i hated her

I told my mom i hated her, i didn't mean it. I pushed her into a wall, I didn't mean it. I broke her $3000 clock from germany, I didn't mean it. Now I'm lost, lost in this cold world and confused. Sorry mom, I wish you knew, I do love you, with all of my heart.