I'll Bear the Punishment
I always feel terrible. I love you, but I feel like if we were together, you would be unhappy. You're so much better than me... You deserve far better than I can give. That doesn't stop me from loving you. I feel self absorbed for hating myself. Is that bad? You're perfect. So perfect. I want so badly to be yours forever. To live with you and to raise your children to be just as magnificent as you. To die happily in your arms after a full life; not alone, empty and tired of trying. But any child of mine would be the next strain of a virus. The world would be a better place without any trace of my existence. I don't want to see you go. If I feel this despair for the rest of my life, if I'm never happy, it would be worth it if you never saw me again and were happy. I can't waste your life any longer. Live it and be free, I can suffer enough for the both of us.
I don't know if I ever loved you
I don't know if I ever loved you. I loved you only because you loved me. I thought you meant security and humor, for the rest of my life, but then you left, slowly, and left me to do all of the compromising. But I still never loved you, not really. I grieved, but I knew I didn't love you. My grief was of what I'd given you, trying to make myself into a person that could be with you forever. But I knew I would rather be by myself than be with you. I knew that there was someone better, even though we haven't met yet. I knew that I'd rather be alone, or experiment than be with you. I knew that I was wasting my time by giving you everything. I knew that you were self righteously making me give up myself to be with you, and I let you, because I wanted to be able to give you everything. At least I know that you weren't worth it. There was nothing else I could have possibly given you.
whats wrong with me....
it started out as a little white lie... it just a little white lie, meant to brush someone's rude comments off.... I dont know how it happened but its become a monster, I'm so deep in this lie I cant get out. The worst part is I'm starting to believe it, I'm losing my mind because I cant tell the difference anymore. My life is about too fall a part because of I cant seperate whats real & whats not.... I'm on the verge of losing my job & my mate, both are the best things that have ever happened to me... I just want to all to end... I dont want to lie, I dont want to feel like this, i want to know who & what I am..... I just want to at peace to be stable, to be... Normal....
I'm dreaming of people I don't know, but them come to know
Does this happen to anyone else? Has anyone besides myself ever had a dream that included people you don't know in your real life, and then after some time passes you meet them or pass them as you walk by? Or how about events or images? And then something happens or you see the image you couldn't get out of your head for a long time, not knowing why? This is happening more often than when I was a child. Even then I didn't know what to do. So, has this ever happened to anyone else or does anyone know what this is called? Thanks.
Please someone help!
Its hard as heck to make good grades and impress people with my school capabilities..
im logiclly smart but i get distracted very very very easily i didn't do homework...
i know i can do it but i dont . i have adhd i think.
I have a great life great freinds but the things that i need like grades just dont tend to like me.
i try so hard to be a teachers pet but...i disrupt class too much 4 them to like me. The teachers grade on if you did your work and not so much on if you actually know it...
I just wanna leave that school but my mom says my grades arent good enouph. My gpa usually ranges from 1.5 to 2.2. I can easily make cs and up but in one class its damn near impossible 4 me... Im going to summerschool 4 sure but its hard. and i am already lazy.
Being a fake
found a good looking person pictures online, faked being them, found love, hope he doesn't find out i'm not really the guy of his dreams and i'm actually a she.
been doing this for almost 3 years...its not that i want to be a man or anything, its just....being someone i'm not is so much more interesting than being me.
sick of it all
i hate that you criticize me. I hate that everything hurts me so much. I hate that i am emotionally weak and emotionally drained.I hate it all.
I have such a crush on Will I can't even stand it anymore.
i have a crush on..
a married coworker.
im not that girl
my boyfriend went to jail yesterday. im not that kind of girl. i am ashamed and lying to everyone. no one knows but me. and i love him. but i dont want a boyfriend in and out of jail. please god.
i have never loved anyone as much as him. i still think about him years later. i wish i had the courage back then to be honest. i wonder if he thinks about me. i wish i could have done things differently. but i can't.
this will be hard to put in words...
once, i liked this girl A. this went on for a year or so. up till now i still can't explain why it happened. during that 1 year, i was once asked who i liked. strangely, 2 names came to my mind. A and B. again i don't understand why. now, i'm fully over A. but i found myself liking B more and more. i think B know it now. friends tease us about it. i don't know how she feels. i don't even know if its normal for me to feel this weird things. and i don't know whether i should continue. i'm just a stressed out teenager man.
I did love her
I just broke up with my fiancee after 6 months. We were dating for almost 5 years. I thought I could change her, but I guess you can't change another person. She wanted more of me, I wanted more of life. I never meant to hurt her, and all I can do is think about her. I know this will pass, but it still hurts. Always been a big fan of the 'tough-guy' act, -- I'm pulling it off with an Oscar-worthy performance. Or maybe not, I am talking to a computer screen instead of anyone else...
I have a huge crush on my boyfriend's co-worker. He's almost double my age and that makes it even hotter.
is this cheating?
So I am tossing and turning. I cannot get MJ out of my head. I try and I try. I wonder what if she was the one. We were both much younger but still at an age when people can start their 'forever.' If Y (current serious girlfriend) finds this I am a dead man. Perhaps it would be of note that I tied G's (most serious ex) shoelaces in a dream two weeks back. More dead man material. Now back to MJ. We held each other once, it was an eternal embrace. At that time I was in the pre-stage of being with M and I could not betray that. I should have. I still remember vividly. Her soft cheeks brushing against mine, lips being carefully avoidant, but they knew what they wanted. I'll never forget her warm body and bosom pressing against me. Oh god, if I believed in one, take me back to that embrace. I wouldn't have pussied out and asked to be taken home. We both wanted things from each other that night. Couldn't say if
they were the same things, but I denied us
Why you Nick?
It has been over 6 years and I cant seem to let what I feel for you go entirely. Nick, you were the one for me. I wish I would of had the courage to face everything with you. The last night we spent together was amazing, and I remember that sweet sincere look in your beautiful hazel eyes, I wish I didnt let you go back to Sara but I just didnt think I disearved you. -Lost in Yardley-
I had a dream
Ok... well I am dead (in my dream) I walk into my room... it is cleaned completely... and is very bright, but the furniture is in the same place it has been. the TV is off, but I can tell it is on the same station it was on when I had died. I walk into the kitchen (it is almost dark here) on the cluttered jumble of papers on the table are these two empty boxes of pocky (I have these boxes in my room right now) I walk into the living room, where my mom is sleeping... she says, "I didn't hear you come in.".... She doesn't know it is me....when she realizes that her dead son is right there... she calmly asks "Is this your day?"... I begin saying "yes, it has been.... How many years HAS it been?" she holds her palm towards me (as if you were to give a high-five) I press my hand against hers.... I feel her hand in my sleep.... as I start waking up my dream is more disconnected...... we are now watching TV in my
room... the very show that was on when I died....
I wake up.
I love you but I can't love you like you need to be loved. Because of this, I'm trying to leave you but you're making it so damned hard! It is my family too and he is our son! To say this affects me any less is insane...
You can blame it on the military, the job, the unit, but I say it has to do with you. You knew the military was/is my career and it goes much deeper than 'just a job'. I try to push myself to do much better for not only myself, but for my family. All I needed you to do was understand that I had stress and to let me have just a little independence. It wasn't my lack of attention, just quality attention and I get it. But it was your tight grip on my freedom that drove me to her. I'll never tell you about her. It's because of her I didn't leave earlier. It was because of her and my shift of attention that you went to him. It's just dumb luck I caught you both in the parking lot - post hotel hook-up. I love you but can't stay with you. I will always love you - I have always loved you - I will always be there for you, even when you're with someone else. I can't tell you that because you won't understand that reasoning. I wish I was someone different... stronger. After all, you may be
but I'm splitting our family - the only family i've known - into pieces. I can only share these feelings because I can't feel vulnerable to you again. I won't. So I birth this into the void of the net, knowing you'll never see it and hope that somehow it will make me feel better about the emotional purge. Jason.