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Lost Love
Hi... What do we all want from life? What's the goal we'd like to achieve? Most of us have something we'de like to achieve, it might be a career, a job we enjoy doing and gives back satisfactory rewards either in a good income, or satisfaction in whatever it is we're doing, though I never could understand those who's lives were all about their work! Unles of course it's something where you really make a difference in others lives, a Doctor perhaps or a Surgeon, I can perhaps understand people like that who's life revolves around what they Do! But for me, "life", was where you were and what you did outside the hours of work, that's your true life. As I look back now through the years, look back to when my goals were being established, and I knew what I wanted, think back to see what it was that gave me reason to get up each day, what were my aims, what was it that I needed ... I guess it was around 19 or 20.. actually no it was probably clear around 22, though perhaps I didn't realise it then, sometimes we're running on instinct, hormones, and don't always understand what drives us on, don't always have clarity of thought and direction. For me it was to have an easy satisfying life, a content one, that didn't involve 'too' much work that removed too many hours from my 'real' life... a home, family and wife... the base, the rock solid base of what I needed was Love, but it couldn't be just your average - I wanted the kind of love that swept you off your feet, sent your emotions into the stratosphere! :) , ha~ I suppose the kind of thing you read about in fairytales, and movies. I have a house and a family and wife, but I wish I had been aware, wish I'd been able to see clear, clarity of thought and presence of mind to have "known" way back then.. because in the here and now , I live with regret, deep regret, that all too often sweeps over me, and the thought that I can never alter or change the past. is at times a hard to live with, because I had that love, I found my princess, I had her in my arms and I was most definetely in the stratosphere! but for the lack of knowing it, clarity of thought, too close and couldnt step back and see that this IS it... it's true what "they" say.. you don't realise what you have till it's gone. I loved her so much I was always worried I'd lose her, trust, insecurity, doubt, "wondering" when we were not together - all the "bad" emotions were the ones I had, even though she gave me no cause to doubt- I was insecure at the time, maybe even still a little imature.. and those bad emotions kept getting in the way!! I made a momentary blunder, went through a period of a couple of weeks where I acted and did things very much out of character, and ruined what I had, I lost that love, the love of my life, I realise this now, I realised it shortly after losing it.. and i live with regret every day, I loved her more than anyone , before or since, but I messed up and lost it. ( someone else entered my life and I foolishly saw her for a short few times over a couple of weeks ) My life has been wasted without the Love I could have had, I loved her, she loved me, and for a while I had, though didn'nt realise it, everything I could have asked for, life could have been perfect. If I could turn back time.... I'm so sorry for causing hurt where I should not have, but I pay for it day after day, I get through life mostly Ok, but years and years later - every now and then, though thankfully not now as often as it used to be - but now n then, I wake from a dream about her, see her face, that smile, and those loving eyes - and awake, I try to hold onto the vision, but like all dreams no matter how hard you try to hold on, they fade quickly, but for me it's the emotion that lingers long after, the emotion that I feel in the dream is as real as if it were happening in reality, and I'm once agin filed with the love I once had, to have her close, to touch and hold..... and waking with these emotions flowing, only adds to the despair of the loss, the knowing I once had all I could ask for.. but now is completely out of reach, and can't be changed, can't turn the clock back, can't reach out. For all the years that have passed by - I wish now I had waited, if it took 10 years or twenty, - thirty?! the thought that I could actually have called her many years later, and tried once more to put things right - I could have.. but I had no way of knowing then, that that would be possible, 10 or 20 years ahead seems such a long time, but when you get there, and glance back - it's too often gone by in the blink of an eye, I COULD have waited - and tried again, but loneliness, and the need to have someone near - that was still there, I blocked her out, and for several years I was Ok, and then came the house the family and wife --- but memories and emotioned locked up and hidden away, have a way of resurfacing, little things that come along and remind you of a time of a person, and the door opens..... the memories flood back.... I loved her then, I love her now. and despite all else, there is an emptiness inside that only She would have been able to fill. My mistake, has cost me a life I could have had, and it still hurts now -so many many years later. I don't imagine thoughts of me enter her mind very often, if at all, I wonder what she would think, if she knew how often I think of her, if she knew the love I felt then is still here, and the regret of my foolish stupid insecure immature actions of so long ago , still give me pain, knowing that were it not for my idiotic stupid mistake - we might now be together and had lived in love and happiness for all these years, that I look on now as having been wasted and lost to us. I love her - like it was in the first couple of weeks, I love her still. and it hurts so much - wishing she were here by my side, to hold, kiss, and Love. Regret is a terrible thing to live with, try to avoid it wherever possible - cos more often that not - you cannot take back something you'd done or said. To anyone reading this - whatever problem you have in your love life - step back from it and get a clear view of what it is, what you want, get some clarity , a clear view and with that - know what to do... or find someone to talk to talk it over with, if you's too close to the "problem" seek someone you trust to talk to, they may be able to see it clearer and give you advice and peace of mind.
24/7
I am so in love with a married woman. I think of her every minute of the day. I am consumed with the idea of being with her. She is so beautiful. I can't get her out of my mind. I can only dream of one day spending my life growing old with her. I love everything about her.
a little lost
im 14 years old almost soon to be 15. this year i started drinking and going to partys to drink. now i think about drinking alot and recently i even stole stuff from a store. i feel terrible. now i smoke to relieve stress and the other day i did drugs. everything is going insnae i want to stop i dont know how. and now im lying to my mom i just dont even know what to do about my life anymore
when ever i
when ever i go to someone's house I steal toilet paper, paper towels, toothpaste, hair gel, forks, etc. because i'm too cheap and lazy to go to the store and buy it myself
Im in love
Im in love with th same guy my best friend is in love with. I think he felt the same way until I got drunk and came onto him. Now he wont talk to me and Im terrified she will fInd out. I still love him though
Friend?
Me and two of my friends do everything together. Whenever one of us go over each other's house, we always invite the others. Like, just the three of us, other than our other friends. But, I'm getting annoyed with my other friend. I told them a secret, and my friend (lets call her Stinky :P) always makes jokes about it, when its serious, and its not funny at all. My other friend is totally fine about it. Now, Stinky also is trying to have my other friend all to herself or something dumb like that, and its so annoying, that if we go to the movies, my other friend goes 2 hours earlier, when I meet them at the theater. Stinky invites my friend to the beach, then practically rubs it in my face. I'm starting not to like her at all, but I don't want to end the friendship just like that. Plus, it might affect my friendship with my other friend. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Its my fault im like this
I dont know myself anymore, and havent for a long time. I seem to have no character, but act more as an empty vessel. "Character"'s run through me like phantoms, but i dont know who i really am. I've hurt people close to me, rejecting theyr support, because im confused of how i should act. So i shut myself down, and put my barriers up. Iv found slight solitude in work, and have good grades, but iv lost the things that mattered. Im alone now, but noone sees. Its my fault.
i lied
i lied when i said i wanted you, i just needed someone for the night. but now i feel ashamed and i think we shouldn't see each other anymore. and maybe one day this will just go away and we can be friends again.
Diary
I read my girlfriend's diary. She's cheated so many times (at least 6). I hate her and love her. I want to really confront her for it but i believe in privacy rights. I think she's probably cheating now.
fantasy
I often fantasize of dying (often by drowning) and being revived by my current crush or by someone I find cute on tv. I have had this fantasy since I was little. I don't know why I feel this way. I also enjoy watching characters coming close to death and being saved/revived in in movies/tv. I get butterflies in my stomach and it excites me.
my best friend
I'm in love with my best friend. She's my other best friend's 3 year exgirlfriend. She's in a very serious relationship and I think they'll eventually get married. I don't know if i'll ever tell her.
I'm losing one
I'm losing one of my close friends. The thing that sucks is that we are not trying to make things better.
venting
some grandparents suck.
???
i have been without a girl friend for 5 years i am 23 about to be 24. I have only been with 3 girlfriend in my whole life. And we are no longer friends. i was a guy that showed them respect and a good time.I must have tried to hard i will never fin a woman friend sometimes inner and a movie is just what the dr orderd after a long week some woman should learn to respect a goo man to keep them company.
cold shoulder
I am very botherd becuse tommarow i am gonna get rejected for a apartment after staying in my current apt for 4 years. after all the hard work and now we have to start over agian this photo is the only that gives me courage to be turned own becuse of the people i stay with blood is thicker than water they say
actor partner
My boyfriend is an actor and I'm worried he will have no time for me or he will end up with another actress. I think this complex comes from the fact that my ex-painter love dumped me bec he wanted to find another painter.
I still love you after all these years
C - You tore my heart out but going off with someone else in 1992. I knoqw yooure married with kids. I have been married for 7 years but couldnt stop myself from contacting you to see how you are doing. That has brought back all the feelings I had for you then. After all these years I realise I still love you
whenever i steal
whenever i steal my roommates food, i eat it in the bathroom so he doesn't find out.
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