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from perfect mom to annoying mom
All my life my father has given me, my mom and brother problems and my mom went through a lot so we finally left him she did everything in her power to never treat us like my father did.......she was a great mom she was one of my best friends I used to share a bed with her a lot because we moved so much........she was seriously a super mom and I loved her..... Everything was great until a little over a year ago when she met her new fiance" and about a month or 2 after they met they decided to move in together not only did we have to move so far away but into an ugly house in the middle of nowhere and he has a daughter who I just absolutely hate.....she knows how I feel and whenever I try to talk to her about anything she just stares at me and yells at me..... So has changed so much and now I can't even look at her without having a horrible thought about her...she doesn't believe I'm going to graduate high school she doesn't give me privacy she wants me to have a boyfriend and when I close to a guy she tells such horrible not embarrassing but horrible things about what I do to her and what I've done......she took her "fiance" out on my 16th birthday and has totally just disowned me and I can't take it anymore. All I do is sit in my room and count down the hours til its the next day so I can leave the house with a worthless mother who doesn't care about me and only cares about her "perfect" immature huge not funny annoying "fiance". I can't hate my mom but I do strongly dislike her"
I Broke The Bathroom
I did it ... I broke the bathroom. DH is going to be sooo mad! He's was gone on an overnight business trip so I thought I'd scrub and spruce up the his bathroom for him ... redo the caulk around the tub, replace the rusty limescaley fixures, etc. Make everything shiny and pretty, right? The drain cover and overflow are rusty, so I bought a new kit. I start with the drain cover and was trying to get the screw out to replace it ... turns out the drain insert is cheap plastic and it broke .. now there's nothing to screw the draincover into. So I think, no problem, the drain cover kit came with a new drain insert, I'll just replace that too, right? So I scape away all the putty and gunk and I the darn thing wont come out. So I'm thinking, hey it's cheap rotted plastic, maybe I can just break it out ... hah hah hah, no go. So now I need a new drain pipe that runs under the tub to screw the stupid new drain insert into. Luckily we have one left over from a different bath remodel and I can get to all the plumbing easily from the basement. So I think, just unscrew the drain elbow and pop on a new one right? hahaha! Darn thing won't come off and I'm stripping the stupid little grippy grooves on it trying. I hate all this plastic tubing garbage! I was hoping to fix all my mistakes before he got home all tired and crabby, but now I'm stuck, and he's gonna be mad about coming home to a broken bathroom. Maybe it's not so bad .. It's an old house, we're going to remodel his bathroom eventually anyway .. so maybe once I get him going on fixing the drain I broke, I can get him to continue on ripping the rest of the darn ugly bathroom apart too! He's gonna think I did it on purpose! ;)
Disgusting roommate
My boyfriend and I are renting a house with a room mate. Our room mate is a good 260 pounds, he never showers, and when he does (rarely), he infects the tub with toenail fungus. I know this, because now I have toenail fungus, and there is nowhere else I could have gotten it, his feet are grotesque. He is disgusting and constantly smells absolutely horrible, like a garbage dump on a hot day, and sometimes is prone to random fits or rage and outburst for little to no reason. He has been a great friend in the past, but sometimes he is such a jerk, and disgusts me so much, that I can't stand him. He complains about being lonely, and not having anyone to love, but it's obvious (for reasons already stated) why he is alone. If he would clean himself, and take care of his body, and try not to be a jerk, and lose weight, he could find someone, but he is just so disgusting that no one wants him. I also know he is in love with me, and I believe he is also in love with my boyfriend. I care about him as a friend, and don't know how to tell him that he needs to shower more, and that I have foot fungus because of using the shower after him. I don't know what to do about him at all. He really pisses me off sometimes, and sometimes I wish bad things on him.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for all the happiness you are sharing with me. I'm sorry that you love me, and I'm sorry that I love you. I'm sorry for liking someone behind your back. I'm sorry for lying to you, I just don't want to lose what we have. I'm sorry for knowing that I'll have to end it soon, someday. I'm sorry that you think I'm everything I'm not. I'm sorry I've made you believe I'm the one for you. I'm sorry that we're together. I'm sorry that we've ever met. I'm sorry. I love you.
Built Up Aggression
I used to be really skinny. My arms were like twigs. If i was ever harassed or bullied, i always backed down, because i couldn't defend myself. Then i started lifting weights. I am growing muscle somewhat. Someday, i want to beat the living hell out of some idiot who deserves it, but i am still scared of getting beaten up myself.
Kurt Cobain
I had a dream about Kurt Cobain around christmas time, and I couldn't stop thinking about him or the dream so I looked him up on wikipedia to learn more about him (obviously I knew who he was but only that he was the kill of grunge and that he killed himself) I slowly became obsessed with him and the music he made and now it's becoming really bad. To the point where I cry over the fact he is dead, and have a hatred for courtney love because I am jealous of her..and in school I draw pictures of him. It's random and I want it to stop.
I pretend
to hate children because theres a possibility I might not be able to have any. That way if I'm not able to have any, I won't hurt as much when the time comes
Im sorry
I think that i want to join the military, probably the Marines. I really feel like I want to do this, that it is the right thing for me. I do not know how to tell anybody my decision, I know that nobody is going to take it well, but soon I will have to do it. Mom, Kathryn, friends, I am really sorry, I know you all will not like it, but I just have to do it Sorry
A boy
A boy broke my heart once. He left me for my best friend. They split up because he still loved me. Then I met my current boyfriend, who would literally kill himself for me. But I don't love him. I'm in love with a boy who is going the army soon, and I cant tel him. I really hate myself for it :(
In love with a memory
When I was 10 I met a boy who was 9 that lived across the street from the church I went to. A lot of Sundays after church he would be standing out on the curb and we started to talk. We became friends, went through Jr. High school then to High school together. We spent a lot of time with each other at school and his home. We never really dated, kissed or otherwise. I loved him but could never tell him because he was my FRIEND.I regret that. He dated lots of girls, I cried over them all. I dated but my heart was always his. The last time I saw him was the year he graduated. He married but they divorced a year later . He never married again but has an 18 year old son.I've been married for 37 years and it's been 37 years since I've seen him.His father and sister live in my town so I know a lot about his life. I can't get him out of my head or my heart no matter how much I try.I love my husband and I feel guilty that I still have these feelings for RAY.
I feel pathetic
ive been with my boyfriend for 10 months now and it's been so amazing. but my insecurities eat me alive. i always feel like he doesn't want to be there with me.. i know he loves me, but at times i feel like he has a hard time showing it. i dunno maybe all guys are like this. its just now for example its 10 at night on a saturday and he left my house early because he was tired. i don't know how to take it. i feel pathetic. am i overreacting?
i miss you mc
i miss you so much. i wanan talk to you every single damn night. i wanna hear your voice. i keep rememberring your face, your laughter so loud. everything that comes out of your mouth is so interesting to me. i miss it all. you say you love me so, so much. that you will wait for me. you just said days the other day. you said you'll always be there eventhough i have a bf. i haven't told you that i'm so much in love with you. i should've. keep in mind i have a bf of 9 years then you came along. you never hide your feelings. but i'm afraid to get hurt, to be humiliated so i never lay it all out. keep in mindnow i'm missing you so. i can't eat, i can't sleep. what have you done to me. why do i always phone you? why do i always wait for your call. i just wanna hug you, be close to you, be right beside you. i get butterflies in my tummy. please, pick up your phone, reply to my texts. are you mad about what i said to you the other night. i said i still love you. i'm madly in love w/ you MC.
HS football coach
I got my knee injured during practice. The coaches and trainer ignored it. An asstant coach called me a big baby. They all thought it was nothing, I was faking. I went to a doctor and he said I had torn cartledge. When the head coach found out he called the whole team together and lectured us about going to the doctor without talking to him first. I never played in a game after that. I got the knee fixed after I graduated. This was all 30 years ago and I hate those coaches just like it was last week. I'd like nothing better than to read their obits. Well, there one be one better thing - to meet them and show them the scar and call them idiots (or worse).
i missed my chance... she hinted, i was too shy and didnt notice. than she got a boyfried. now a year later, and im still in love with her... and she still has a boyfriend. just know i will allways be here for you/
sister in law
This is so completely pathetic. But, alas, it's anonymous, so I'll indulge. I've come to the conclusion that I'm completely in love with my wife's sister. She's younger, smarter, and probably closer to my soul than anyone I've ever met. Nothing about this can ever become public, or be realized. This is a life-sentence... self-imposed as it is. Still... to live with it - well, it's just one of those things that will haunt me for eternity. You live, you love, you learn, and you move on.
Come here and go away.
I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years with the man of my dreams. We tell each other everything, we haven't spent more than one week apart since we started dating. We make love like the world is ending and cry and laugh and get high and drunk and play games and walk holding hands in the woods. We catch snowflakes on our tongues and kiss each other under the stars and dance when there's no music and sing for no reason. We drive nowhere just to drive, and we argue like two cobras in a basket. We hold such a fiery passion for one another that I can't find a single person who can understand a love that we have, yet it seems like I hate him more than any other person in the world, because he loves me and because I love him and if he ever hurt me I would die. He makes me so strong yet so vulnerable that I fear every second I am with him and every moment I am not by his side. I find myself hating him because of how beautiful I think he is and how wonderful our love can be, and we fight. God do we fight. I throw things at him and push him and hit him and say hurtful things, and he just looks at me and says "why?" and I can't answer him. I can't figure out why I am so angry and hurt and protective over everything. Now I am afraid that I'll one day hurt him and he won't ever come back and hold me and love me like he does now... but I can't stop. I am so angry at him for not fitting into every little box I want him to be in, when it was his imperfections and human qualities that made me love him in the first place. I'm so scared I'm going to lose him to someone else with my behavior but he keeps telling me there is no one else, and he will love me until the day he dies. I can never find faith in that, I can never accept that it's true. I've tried everything to find happiness and relief and nothing makes me happy unless I am in control and it all goes according to plan. But the world doesn't work that way, nothing is planned, things just happen and I CAN'T STAND IT! I cut myself to release the anger, but most of the time it's too late and I've already hurt someone before I could let it out from under my skin as the blade tears through it. I want to kill myself but I'm afraid of being without the good things in my life that hold my sanity in place. I'm afraid of hurting those I love when I go... most of all, I really don't want to die, I just want to feel better, but I can't cope. What else is there to do? I tried finding faith in God and Jesus to help but I can't believe in anything. no God, no Spirit, nothing and no guide can help me heal. I've lost all of my friends in my sadness, and I don't want to make an effort to connect with anyone. I just wish someone could help me. I called a crisis hotline and they cut me off and said they couldn't talk anymore. That altogether was ironic and I wanted to blow up the phone after that.
why me
there is this guy and i know that he is a total player but i can't help but fall for him. Each time i tell myself to ignore him and just move on, but everytime he texts or calls i am more than willing to listen and talk. he tells me that he likes me but then it stops. he says we will call and that we should get together sometime but he nver makes the effort to call. I want someone that will actually like me and want to be committed and i hate that i want it to be him. he is just a player and that will never change and now my friends are getting annoyed cause they have told me so many times that he is bad news. but i want him so bad, i want him to want me as bad as i want him. and the worst part is i think its all a game to him, and i am just another piece on the board. i deserve better even from him =/
i thought i hated you, and you thought i hated you but i loved you, in a way i hadnt loved anyone else. though id never tell you when you got married i was devestated.