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Please call me, although I'll never tell you
Well, I'm the worlds biggest dufus. Seriously. I was with someone years ago for 6 months and I finished it because I was more interested in my ex. We became friends instead. I went out with someone else for 2 years. When I finished with him I realised the 6 month guy was the one I wanted all along. I told him I was thinking about him and he turned me down. Gutted was not even close. But we still stayed friends and talked on the phone every month or so. I went into another relationship, and for a while I loved him but it all went wrong and he was a jerk and after four years it's over. And now I know. I don't want anyone else. I don't want to have another relationship for it all to go wrong. I want 6 month guy. I had him and I threw it away. I can't tell him again, if he doesn't want me it'll ruin our friendship for good. I haven't heard from him in 2 months and right now I want to speak to him. Won't tell him anything but god this hurts. So so so so much. So, Matthew H., on the incredibly slim off chance you read this and feel the same as I do, please don't let me go the rest of my life regretting the day I let you go. (on the other hand, if you don't, say nothing. A girl has her pride you know)
denied depression
I'm depressed but nobody knows. I've made one psychiatrist ,one neuroligist, and one endocrinologist all think thank i'm perfectly okay and healthy both physically an mentally. i want my family to be what it was like before the split. i want to know i have one place i can call home, now i have two homes but no place that feels like home, i feel like a drifting bum. i want to be a normal kid with normal parents and i wanted to finish highschool not have to test out because of all the stress. i want my grandfather back, he was the one person i could talk to on a deep level, he was more my father than my biological dad ever will be. i try to have deep talks with my friends but they're all immature and stupid and have zero life experience. why am i the nly one of my friends who has so much stuff going on in life? none of them have had to deal with a death. none of them have had to deal with divorce. they all do great in school and get to bed before 10 pm, i havent slept longer than 4 hours for a year since my grandfather died. i want my life to be normal, i dont want to be depressed anymore. i havent been happy for months.
I love her
I fell in love with a girl when I was in 6th grade. I am currently in 12th grade and I still am in love with her. I know she knows, but she... doesn't.... care? It kills me to come to the reality that I will never be able to have a mutual love with her. I love her so much but she doesn't care. She doesn't care. It kills me. :[
I'm in high school and so lost cause I'm kinda in love with a guy in my class that looks at me all the time but maybe he is not looking at me all the time but at the girl next to me so I'm really confused. yeah I dont know anything about him he just looks really nice inteligent and cute so I kinda love him and think he's perfect... but oh well i really want to forget him but i cant... right now I just wrote a really confusing message for all the world and I dont even understand what exactly i wrote but i just had to get it alt !! yay
Life just seems so unfair.
It seems like so many other people get things handed to them while I have to struggle for everything. Whenever I have a plan, things do not work out the way I planned. When I think that people are going to be there for me, they actually end up turning on me.
to K of VA
I get it that you want my husband but why do you need to tell him? Ever heard of a fantasy? They aren't real...you just think about it. I am sorry if your marriage is so bad but you know, I have a good marriage. Why would you want to try and destroy it? You have an amazing husband that loves you and a child with him. Have some decency, would you? You have now destroyed a 12 year friendship and please stop calling. I don't want to hear your apologies. They mean nothing to me. You were stupid to tell people because now you just look like an idiot. I am dying to know what your husband thinks of all this? I am guessing you didn't tell him the truth. It's a good thing that I am as nice a person as I am because some women would attack where it hurts. Just please leave us alone.
Thanks for Reminding me
Thanks Mom, for reminding me every single day for the past 23 years, that I was a mistake. That you never wanted me and I ruined your life. Thanks for treating my younger brother better. I ruined your life, but he didnt, you wanted him. It's a good thing I'm a daddy's girl...it's a good thing my father always told me i was wanted. Thanks for making me realize i never want to have my own kids, for fear of making them feel like you made me feel. I still love you mumma, but i'm done trying to get you to love me
Tears of Blood
I loved her... and because her parents thought I was too 'dangerous' I'm no longer allowed to see her... by law... and it... it HURT. And I kept her from being an anorexic... I kept her healthy! And I feel like a failure... I'm worthless... because I decided to try and move on... and I think that only hurts more... because my new girl... she... I think she's cheating on me... I think she's called me clingy... I fear I am worthless... I fear I am too clingy... I fear I'm too jealous... and it makes it worse because... I found my first love's new SN... but if I IMed her... I would be sent to jail... I'm... I'm broken....
I hate my mother
I'm living with her and pretending to care about her just to use her as stepping stone to save some money. If she died tomorrow I'd only feel bad because I'd have to make new living arrangements
Totally detatched of love
I'm so consumed with myself and my new business that I have time for no one. It worries me that I don't care all that much about it either. My second divorce was final last year, and I can't date because I can't concentrate on another being for very long. I've always been self-centered and I fear I won't even try love again. I used to be caring and attentive and a good lover. Now I feel like a robot sometimes. My kicks come from squashing my business competition.
were friends but...
i loved you, i do love you, just because im in a relationship doesnt mean i dont still feel the same way about you. you'll always be the first peron i fell for and the only person id do anything for. you may have a low opinion of your self but i cant see one imperfection =]. i love you and i always have you mean more to me than anything in the WORLD. geek"
I really did want to commit suicide
The majority of my life I suffered from Clinical Depression because I was ignored as a child. When I was 10 I wrote a paper on how I wanted to kill myself but I got my journal mixed up with my school journal. My teacher talked to my parents who in turn asked me if I really wanted to commit suicide. I said no because I was ashamed and immediately they forgot about it and I never got treatment. I really did want to commit suicide and the only person who knows is my sister because she kept asking me about it.
abnormal test results
No woman wants to hear the word 'abnormal' from her gyno. It's dreadful & scary. Im scared. After years of careless fun, I finally might've not dodged the bullet. Im so scared that I might have cancer & never be able to bear children.
hate myself
i hate myself right now. just started even clawing at my arm. had to stop since i nearly drew blood out of the big vain that goes down my arm
I'm Stuck in the Middle
I thought i loved my boyfriend until i met someone else
piss in orange
me an my sister once had an argument we was not speaking for a while. She had a pint a fresh orange in the fridge so i drank a glass then i pissed in the bottle of fresh orange filled it to the top an shook it, next thing my dad comes home an gets the bottle out the fridge and drank the lot..
Going wild
I am a 34 year old housewife with two daughters. My husband and I are both from strict backgrounds and have been married for 14 years. I have made friends with a neighbor and have started smoking at her house during the day. Yesterday afternoon I had a glass of wine with her. If my husband finds out I don't know what he will do.
Fear and arrogance
Several times a day I catch myself distancing me from others through either a sarcastic remark or a condescending look, etc. I wonder why this is.