Come here and go away.
I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years with the man of my dreams. We tell each other everything, we haven't spent more than one week apart since we started dating. We make love like the world is ending and cry and laugh and get high and drunk and play games and walk holding hands in the woods. We catch snowflakes on our tongues and kiss each other under the stars and dance when there's no music and sing for no reason. We drive nowhere just to drive, and we argue like two cobras in a basket.
We hold such a fiery passion for one another that I can't find a single person who can understand a love that we have, yet it seems like I hate him more than any other person in the world, because he loves me and because I love him and if he ever hurt me I would die. He makes me so strong yet so vulnerable that I fear every second I am with him and every moment I am not by his side. I find myself hating him because of how beautiful I think he is and how wonderful our love can be, and we fight. God do we fight. I throw things at him and push him and hit him and say hurtful things, and he just looks at me and says "why?" and I can't answer him. I can't figure out why I am so angry and hurt and protective over everything. Now I am afraid that I'll one day hurt him and he won't ever come back and hold me and love me like he does now... but I can't stop. I am so angry at him for not fitting into every little box I want him to be in, when it was his imperfections and human qualities that made me love him in
the first place. I'm so scared I'm going to lose him to someone else with my behavior but he keeps telling me there is no one else, and he will love me until the day he dies. I can never find faith in that, I can never accept that it's true. I've tried everything to find happiness and relief and nothing makes me happy unless I am in control and it all goes according to plan. But the world doesn't work that way, nothing is planned, things just happen and I CAN'T STAND IT!
I cut myself to release the anger, but most of the time it's too late and I've already hurt someone before I could let it out from under my skin as the blade tears through it.
I want to kill myself but I'm afraid of being without the good things in my life that hold my sanity in place. I'm afraid of hurting those I love when I go... most of all, I really don't want to die, I just want to feel better, but I can't cope. What else is there to do? I tried finding faith in God and Jesus to help but I can't believe in anything. no God, no Spirit, nothing and no guide can help me heal.
I've lost all of my friends in my sadness, and I don't want to make an effort to connect with anyone. I just wish someone could help me. I called a crisis hotline and they cut me off and said they couldn't talk anymore. That altogether was ironic and I wanted to blow up the phone after that.
there is this guy and i know that he is a total player but i can't help but fall for him. Each time i tell myself to ignore him and just move on, but everytime he texts or calls i am more than willing to listen and talk. he tells me that he likes me but then it stops. he says we will call and that we should get together sometime but he nver makes the effort to call. I want someone that will actually like me and want to be committed and i hate that i want it to be him. he is just a player and that will never change and now my friends are getting annoyed cause they have told me so many times that he is bad news. but i want him so bad, i want him to want me as bad as i want him. and the worst part is i think its all a game to him, and i am just another piece on the board. i deserve better even from him =/
i thought i hated you, and you thought i hated you but i loved you, in a way i hadnt loved anyone else. though id never tell you when you got married i was devestated.
I miss you
I was in love for the first and only time in my life when I was 13 years old. And I was in love with my best friend. And he was a blue eyed god.. and i regret so much never telling him how much i cared. when i found out we were moving away i almost killed myself, it was so painful to know i wouldn't see him everyday. and now it's been 6 years since I've seen him. The last time I saw him was at our farewell dinner and he gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek.
And I still remember that. I remember everything, including the time we went to look at gibson les pauls in cherry red at the guitar store. and the first time you came to my house. and the time we were at a movie night and we wrestled on the ground and you stole my pillow and said you wanted to keep it because it reminded me of you.
If you're out there, you can still wrestle me to the ground and steal my pillow.
I miss you.
i am a 37yr old male i have 4 girls and 2 boys. one of my sons died when he was 18m old. my other son looks just like my best friend. i am suppose to get married in two months. one of my girls informed me that she would not be there. my girlfriend is told my oldest child along with my nice that she does like my middle child. this woman pays my car payment and takes care of me. i do not take care of my children because i don't work. i have been with other woman and i realy do not want to get married because i need my car payment made. i do not know what to do. i know my babys moms are going to take me downtown after i get maried for child suport. what should i do? plese help me if you can.
DEEP FEAR of being ALONE
I am just so scared deep down in my soul that i will never find someone to love me. i am scared, more than anything else in the world, that i will die alone, without that special someone in my life. I feel like there is noone i can talk to about this, and i feel like noone would ever believe that i feel like this. I just feel so alone, even when i'm around people. I just need that special connection with the man of my dreams. Oh how i long to find him.
I have already left you
I have already left you in my heart but I am going to stick around to make sure I get my half of the money. I only sucked up all those payouts and pain so I could ensure I would be financially secure. Did you really think I would waste all those years of supporting your massive ego and walk away with nothing?
Sometimes I just want to dissapear into a hole. The life I've created is too fast paced, and very high maintenance. I've always had a complex about trying to impress people to win their friendship, love or approval... I know its silly but something in me as programmed what way. Probbaly came from and angry father figure. I always feel like I'm not good enough.
I know I have people who look up to me now and that's even more pressure. I don't want to let them down and theres ALWAYS an expectation to make bigger and more exciting things happen.
I want out of this rat race. I've thought of my ideal life, but it would mean compromising my morals... What is worth more - Dreams that Come True or Security, Relationships and Responsibility.
I'm scared I'll die with regrets!
i'm trying to shine.
my mom and i have had a pretty rocky relationship with a lot of ups and downs. she just divorced my dad, so i only see her about half of the time i used to. i recently survived a really bad accident, and it's given me a new outlook on life. i now feel that life is so precious and fragile, you should do the things that make you happy all the time. as long as it doesn't harm other people, do whatever you want as long as it makes you happy. it's important to look at the big picture, but it's also important to not focus on that so hard that you lose sight of what's right in front of you. it's important to be happy as much as possible. you need to do what's right by you, because you are the only person you'll have to live with forever. my mom doesn't seem to share the same perspective as me. she believes that it's important to be yourself and be happy, but she thinks it's only okay within certain social guidelines. we just
argued for an hour about me getting my nose pierced, because she refuses to let me do it and says that if i really want it and feel that passionate about it, i'll just wait until i'm 18 and don't need parental consent. but from my viewpoint, if i want to do something now that has no long term effects and basically no short term effects, why wait? if i want it now, i should be able to do it now. when i'm eighteen i might not even want to get my nose pierced anymore. it's not like i'll regret wanting it, it's just a feeling. i understand that she doesn't like it and it's not how she pictured me, but it is up to me. in the long run, this really has no significance whatsoever. i guess my real frustration is with the fact that my own mom and i have such different viewpoints and i can't seem to get her to understand where i'm coming from. she says she understands everything i'm saying, and i don't really believe her. it's one thing to comprehend what someone is saying, and it's another to actually
understand. she thinks that i want this piercing to somehow complete a part of myself, to heal a part of myself. well i'm healing all the time, and something like a nose ring isn't going to fix anything. she always tells me that i'm so intelligent and beautiful and i don't need a nose ring to feel pretty, but it's really not about that at all. i want to get my nose pierced because i like the way it looks. i had told her that it'll put me in a good mood, the same way a new pair of shoes or a necklace would make me feel. no one puts on new shoes and is indifferent, it always makes you feel kinda cool. so now i'm just sitting in my room freezing, and trying to get over this whole stupid fight about nothing.
Just Say No""
Just Say No" is easier than you think. I just wish I knew that before. Because now it's killed who I am inside. Who have I become?"
I miss my ex-husband
I have been with a nice guy for 9 months yet I think about my ex-husband daily. I miss all of our inside jokes, the way he made me laugh and how he looked out for me. My current guy doesn't cut it.
We have been in the same class 3rd to 7th grade. We never spoke to each other but I have had a crush on him since about 4th grade. I never saw him since 7th (only once from a distance on the street).
I'm now in 11th grade, only had one stupid boyfriend for a few days 3 years ago, never even kissed a guy. I can't stop thinking about him. I want him so much but in reality I don't even know him and he probably doesn't remember me.
I can't find anyone else I like. Maybe I'm not looking in the right places... It's so frustrating!
i don't love him
man do i have something to tell. I don't love my x boyfriend. And to tell the truth he was only really in the picture because it was easy and practical for me. he lived down the block and he would walk my dog for me when i was at school or working. Now I just want him gone. He isn' t every smart, I thought he might have some common sense and boy was i wrong. He writes like he speaks and puts the wrong verb tense and other things. It drives me crazy. He is also an "Indian giver" no offense given. He bought me a few outfits through out the relationships and now he wants them back. For what just so that I wont have them. So childish. I gave him things and haven't asked for them back. you give out of love not because they are with you. wow. But you wanna know something I don't care. He can be like that he's get his in the end. That's why Ive found some one else, better. In bed much better. He is a go getter that is
what i want. so long you
.. its a crush
I have an crush.. very much unrequited with this hottie baseball player that is in some of my classes. I am not an ugly chick.. if I actually try I can look like a hottie myself but damn this dude is a mystery to me! Why the hell do we always want things at are just out of reach!??
Tae Kwon Do Tear Up
So I just finished a martial arts class and I must confess that I really went to far while sparring them. It all goes back about two weeks ago when a new 24 year old student joined ( I am 17). He bore a white belt and I introduced myself and my brother to him, took him under our wing if you will. Then we begin to sparr towards the end of class (sparring is controlled fighting). I go easier on him then other students since he was "just beginning" but as it turns out he was almost my belt at another school. Things are going fine until he punches me square in the chest with all his might. I slam against the wall and punch a huge hole in the lower floor boards. Reeling in pain I get up only to have him hit me again.
After that class I swore, I would return the favor and I did. I did it tonight in front of the whole school. Kicked the living heck out of him and to be perfectly honest... I was embarassed. I was embarassed that a little jerk like him got the best of me. And in front of fellow students and their parents, those who look up at me, I set a horrible example.
I just wanted to confess that I am sorry to my students, my teacher and my school. It will never happen again... and kyle ( this was the kids name)... you had it coming
I don't think the guy my friend likes would make a good couple
So there's this guy that my friend likes. But I don't really think they make a good couple because I think me and the guy she likes are soulmates. We have so much in common. I'm afraid to tell her this because she'll probably get mad and say that I am "stealing" the guy she likes and im gonna ask him out or something. I'm not really attracted to him but if he did ask me out I think I'd say yes. We're like totally soulmates!! Thanks for listening.
Moving Away From Family
I just had a baby and feel the need to get the hell out of WV where we have horrible hospitals and schools. We will be moving to NC where they have excellent schools, great hospitals, jobs, better weather, and friendlier people. Everything is good about it, except I am 100 percent crushed and broken hearted to be moving away from my mother. I have never loved my mother so much until I had a baby of my own. I think it will tear me to pieces to leave her. My mom and dad won't move with me, and that breaks my heart even more. I'm taking their grandchild away from them. I'm robbing my baby of the best grandmother in the world. I'm hurting so badly. I know it's the right thing to do, but it feels so wrong. I can't stay here, but I can't go without my mother. I feel so stupid.
i still love you
we spent five years together and i can't get rid of you, i still love you--i hope i didn't throw your potential away... i still love you, what should i do? dammmit!!