my whole life was a struggle with my appearance, i always thought i was ugly, when i was about 9 a bully type person called me ugly. Through out all this ppl would say i was beautiful, or tell my mom. When i started going online about 3 years ago and put up pictures on myspace, i got bombarded with compliments. PPl think i model, i had many men like/love/ me jut form what they saw. I broke some hearts. I hate that boy, because in all the beautifuls, there is still that one ugly that ruins it all. I wished awful things on him, he is a loser, does drugs and whatnot, part of me hopes he gets busted and goes to jail, or that he has a stroke and is damaged for life.
I've been in love with this guy for four years and even though he has moved on and i'm living good everyday i think about him. i pray for him more than i pray for myself. I know that he's happy but it doesn't make me happy because he's not happy with me he's with someone else. I love him so much, i'll give anything for the love and affection he shows her even though she doesn't deserve it. We haven't talk in like two years but i know him because he's one of my best friend's brother, but every time it's his birthday i call and say Happy birthday, this year i called and he just asked who is this and it killed me. i wake up in the middle of the night and just think about him. it's so bad now that i'm asking people how to fall out off love with somebody because it's killing me slowly. I don't want to cry anymore because i'm not with him, some tell me how to fall out of love...
I wish I could hate you
I wish I could hate you for what you did to me. I wish I could hate you others later on for doing the same thing. But I cannot. For you have helped me to find out who I really was - and you helped me to find out who really wanted to still hang out.
I cannot hate you despite the fact you appear to still be happy. I cannot wish you ill because I would like to think you no longer wish me ill.
And I cannot hate you others because you apologized, and we talked and it was all fine. I don't think you think it is fine at all; and I could hate you for pretending but I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt for now.
I wish I could hate you but I cannot...because I am afraid that you hate me already.
I want to feel the guilt. My fantasies are about guilt producing things, the more vile the better. I can't make it stop. The shame of my actions is the payoff. It is one of the most powerful feelings that I experience. It shoots through my body and tells me I am alive.
I Want to Leave
I love a boy with all my heart... and sometimes he says he loves me (if I ask he'll say 'yea') or acts like it, but he'll never say the words. I feel like he's just playing with me. He always insults me.
I want to move on and get out of this semi-relationship, where I have all the commitment and responsibility but he has none.
But I can't, because I love him, and I promised.
I've broken a promise before, and I can't do it again.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so scared sometimes for myself. He's dragging me down.
He always says I can leave, but he says it in such a way that threatens me if I do...
my best friend
My confession is that i'm jealous of my best friend, she everything........for example, guys think i'm hot but think she's hotter and she ends up with them. And it hurts because when i like a guy, he's so strung up on her that he doesn't see that she doesn't want him and i would treat him right. She gets all the attention from guys. I love the way i look, i love myself and i think i'm really hot and smexy (LOL) but everytime i'm around her i loose my confidence and i just let her have her way. The thing is right now in my country, red girls are in and black girls are out (no joke i'm serious...it's bad) and i'm just hating this phase. I love her like a sister and she is such a good friend but i can't take it anymore. another example, last year i join facebook, i have 200 hundred friends from that like 135 are boys, i introduced her two months ago and she has 356 friends and 231 are guys and i don't know why it's bothering me...
.....i hate felling like this but the truth is ....I AM JEALOUS
OF MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!
I don't think about it
The wars we are fighting are not on my mind. Seriously everybody volunteered to go. I wish them the best but to be honest I don't care. I don't believe they are fighting for my freedom because we never had it at stake in the first place. I do empathize with the dead and dying. However really I'm watching March Madness with friends and my son is safe here. To be honest I don't have any family members in the military right now.
Somebody gets to do it and they all chose in. So like many Americans were are enjoying life while "Rome/Iraq" burns. I have no connection to this at all. I don't even watch the news because we are always on road trips and just enjoying life. I said it and now it is out. I could care less what political party wins, when they pull out of Iraq or any other country. Life is happening and that is just a tiny speck of what is going on in this universe. People who send their son's or daughters to war get to deal with the reality....someone is going to die....500,000 people die a day. It's life.
I let people think I like being 'Different', when actually I would give anything just to fit in. I'm 18, and I still don't understand.
I have lived a very selfish life.
I often fantasize that I will be pulling out of the office parking lot on a Friday afternoon with Iron Maiden blasting for all to hear, and at the stoplight I will look over to the next car, and there will be a girl driving it, no passengers with her and single like me, and she will hear the music, and throw the horns, and I'll do the same, and we will meet later and exchange numbers, and start a relationship. But that hasn't happened yet. Usually when I tell a girl I love Heavy Metal, I get an eyeroll or "Um, okay, that's nice".
My body is disgusting. I hate it with a passion. I feel like i royally messed it up. I have bumps on my arm, which i just recently learned is an untreatable skin condition. i am fat. i gained 20 lbs while in college and gained it so fast that now i have stretch marks all over my stomach. if i were to ever lose the weight, i will still never be happy with the way i look because of those damn stretch marks. it is disgusting. i want a new body. i want to start over.
yeah i know im just a typical teenager in a big city, but i have this big issue, i never solve the problems i have they sorta build up, like this one, my boyfriend. He has been my bf for 8 months and idk its kinda ridiculous, the fact is if i were to end it, it would be simply for the sake of finally ending it, i mean i cant say im not a little curious about other guys. But i still love him so much, i dont wanna hurt him and i know i will, i know ill be the one to break his heart. It sucks knowing that and going through your day with it hanging on you like wet clothing. so anyway, there are a few guys that sort of let on they like me or are attracted to me whatever... and idk it just makes me feel like there are so many other people i have options with, its not those ppl specifically, just the prospect that they're open. My bf thinks otherwise tho, he thinks its possible i have a crush on this other guy, when really its the other way around
and he shouldn't be mad at me. This guy is so sweet
tho, he wrote me a song, just wrote it while he was looking at me playing guitar and its really good. He's so nice to me, but sometimes i just feel like he's acting like that to get points with me or something. i hate it when guys think like that, but i also kinda love it. anyway basically i have to make a really hard choice. do i pick my bf, his money, his house, his romance, and the friends we have together? or do i rely on the fact that maybe it wont be horribly awkward and ill be able to hang out with them like always, just for the possibility that ill be having more fun?
I have looked at bad, inappropriate things and I need to stop and i'm sorry.
i am in love with a slovakian guy. he works a few doors down from where i live. so far i have found out his name, his language, i overheard him once say i liked hockey, he drives a green car. i look out the window about ten times a day between 6 and 12, because those are his working hours, apart from tuesday and thursday which he has off. i carry around a small piece of paper with my phone number and email address on it, in case i ever get brave enough to talk to him. so far i have said hello" in the two years that he has been around. i am so tired of this
I dated a law student
I'm 25 and just this past September I let someone get close to me for the first time. She kept our relationship a secret and when it was over, she told me that she loved me, but admitted to me that the reason we were a secret was because she wanted other guys in law school to fawn over her so she could be popular. She treated me terribly and never felt guilty about it. I am ashamed to write it, but I think it's the most a person could ever love me. I don't think I can ever trust another person again.
no one to help
For you to see
how lonely i feel.
The pain bestowed upon me.
I keep crying for your help.
Can't you see I'm drowning?
In a pool of my own sorrows,
Of MY own pain.
Yet you keep filling up the pool
with your problems and
Why can't you see that
I can barely handle my
problems? yet you add your own.
So I'm left all alone
I've given up calling for help,
cause help never arrives.
No one was ever there when I needed it,
and no one will ever be.
In love with the pizza delivery guy
I am a 34 year old woman with a teenage crush on a pizza delivery guy. What is wrong with me?
I Don't Know
I put on a facade that I am extremely happy. In reality, I am only somewhat happy. I do have great friends and a great family. But I cannot find a boyfriend. Something is wrong with me. Its not even like I am hideous or smell or am bald or something. I am decent looking, I think. A chance for a relationship seems to come along once every year or so for me, but something always goes wrong. I cant talk to anyone about it, they dont understand.