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Never Fall In Love Young, You'll Never Recover.
Since I was fifteen I've been in love with a man I can never ever have. We met around four years ago when he started dating one of my friends. They dated for about two weeks and during that time I became closer to him then I ever had to her. You know how people always ask "Do you believe in love at first sight?" Well with me it wasn't love at first sight. It was a sort of recognition, a connection I had found in someone I had never met before and yet found so very familiar. But you can bet your ass, the second time I looked I was gone. Game over. Hook line and sinker. A while after he broke up with my friend we started dating. It was mostly a long distance thing even though he only lived twenty five minutes away, but he didn't have a car and I didn't have a car and his parents didn't help him out with much especially when it came to seeing his friends, much less his girlfriend. It lasted all of three months. And it was wonderful. I missed him all the time when he wasn't there. I grew to love his voice, deep and dark and sometimes a bit gravely. I'll never have a better 4th of July. But then one day that all came to an end. He called me up drunk and told me that his ex had just told him how she was pregnant with his kid. We had an argument and I hung up on him because I just knew there was no reasoning with him when he was mad and piss drunk, and I didn't want to say anything I would regret. While I waited for him to sober up before I called him back I sat there and thought about the situation. I came to the conclusion that no matter what I would find a way to be with him more often, and I would be there for him no matter what. My will was set in stone. But it didn't go down like that. When I called him back he told me how he just wasn't in love with me anymore and that he couldn't even remember my face, only my eyes and my hair. He told me that he thought we needed to take a break. Right then I knew it was over. The very first day I met him he had told me how he didn't believe in breaks and I that he was just doing this until he could actually see me to break it off in person because that's the kinda guy he is. But I held out for hope and gave it a few weeks. During that time I thought about what it would mean to be in a relationship with a person who didn't love you. I thought about how if it ended I could do what I always did and get over it. I didn't want to be in love with a person who wasn't in love with me, who would never love me as much as I loved him. I didn't want to be someone that you settle for. I believed I deserved better and I still do. Anyway a few weeks later I called him up and asked what he thought about us, and he said he didn't know. I had had enough and broke it off with him. He told me it hurt but from the way he sounded I don't think it really did, at least not very much in comparison as his other break ups had. And just like that it was all over. We've remained extreemly close friends since then even though we don't see each other very much because he lives way out in the country and with gas prices the way they are we just can't afford it. I've seen him through a lot of relationships, and have always been there for him to talk to. Oh, and by the way, it turns out that the kid wasn't even his, which I know hurt like hell because before he found out he had gotten really attatched to the boy. In the last six months he's been recovering from the ending of a three year relationship. It was a bad break. He'll be going into the army soon, which I hope will give him a good change of pace and help him to heal somehow. I myself have been recovering from a bad relationship, and it hasn't been easy. My last relationship was the first time since me and my friend had broken up that I had opened myself up enough to let anybody in, and the person I did let in took advantage... extreem advantage. Before that I had just been bouncing around from one guy to the next because I didn't feel right about starting another relationship when I still had feeling for my friend. It just didn't feel right. I wish I could say that this was just a teenage thing that I just can't seem to let go. But time has proved otherwise. I even tried to cut him out of my life once because I thought that maybe we would be better off without each other. I avoided his calls for a year and when I finally did pick up the phone and call him it was more of a subconcious thing, I didn't really mean to do it... he was happy I had called though, a lot happier then I'd thought he'd be. Over the years we've definatly had our disagreements but it's never really been hostile and from time to time when we are both single (and once when he was not) we'll become romantic. But there's an unspoken rule ya know. The last time after we had finished and we had gone into our in depth discussions which ended up with him talking about his ex, and for the first time I saw him cry because of the fact that he couldn't stop loving her. It broke my heart and I had to do one of the hardest things in my life which was tell him that the should try and get her back. He told me he had already tried and that she didn't want anything to do with him. Anyways after that he told me out of the blue that he loved me too. "too?" I said, "I didn't say anything." He just smiled and said "Just to say..." and I said I loved him too and kissed him. It wasn't meant as a confession of mutual feelings of romantic love. It wasn't a way of telling me that he wanted me back. I know that he's no where ready for another relationship and I know that even if he was it wouldn't be with me. And I know that even if he did want me it wouldn't work out because I go to college in a different state and he's basically going off to war. But I will never forget that moment. Not for as long as I live. I realize that I'm setting myself up here, and please don't think I havn't tried to stop loving him because I've been trying for more than four years now. In fact, a part of me has always hated him for the fact that I can't stop loving him. And I hate myself for not being able to stop, when I've tried so damn hard. During that year we didn't speak, I didn't even say his name unless someone else brought him up which was all of three time if that many. But even when I didn't want it too, his name would always come into my mind, as reminder, as a prayer. I missed him terribly that year. So I've come to the conclusion that no matter what, no matter how I want him in my life if only as a friend, if only to have him there. Because it just doesn't feel right with out him. The only thing I've found to redeem my pride is since that day he told me he didn't love me anymore I havn't shed one tear over him. He can have my body and my heart but I'll be damned if he can have my pride. I'll be God Damned.
you kill me
I hate how you treated me so badly and when i finally leave you, you keep texting me saying how much you miss me, i hate how you toy with my emotions but i still think about you all the time
I miss you. I miss the way you used to kiss me. I miss how it was okay to do everything we used to do. I miss being able to talk to you. I miss sleeping in your bed. I miss how you made me feel when you'd touch me, even if it was just holding hands. I miss your hugs. I miss feeling comfortable in life. When ever I think about you I feel like you died or something because I can't express my feelings for you. It seriously makes me ache.
Love and Hate
I love a beautiful woman who thinks the world of me. But we are not together. She keeps meeting an abusive ex-boyfriend who scares her away from getting closer to me. It's gotten to the point where I think as much about killing him as I do about loving her.
Bye, Best Friend
My best friend rekindled her religious beliefs. She found a religious boyfriend, to share them with. She found the two great loves of her life. She lost me, and I'm doing nothing to stop this from happening. This is mostly my fault.
i want to die because i can't live without him
i'm only 18 years old and i found my soul mate... we were perfect... for so long... then he moved away to school and now we are so broken... he sees nothing wrong with anything but he's killing me softly my heart is so broken and i cant take it anymore... i cant take anything anymore... im so sorry...
i hate myself
I hate myself. I am afraid that I will lose everyone in my life because I am selfish. I am depressed and the only person who I can think about is myself and my own problems. I don't want to be alone I am so afraid of being alone.
It's been 2 almost 3 years since we broke up. I broke up with him, because it seemed as if he never had the time for him. Now 2 -3 years later i still always think about him form time to time. I've been in 2 long term relationships (2 one-ish year relationships) since i broke up with him, yet i still have abnormally strong feelings for him. Everytime i see him my heart skips a beat and my body freezes. What's stupid is, i only dated him for 3 months and yet he has this lasting effect on me. I know what he does and who he likes, yet he knows nothing, about me anymore? I still love him to this day, yet he doesn't notice me. I really do still miss him, and i do hope one day he'll notice me because i've always been watching over him in a way.
I hate myself
I'm a fat, cheesy parody of masculinity. I have a stupid, sparse mustache, and these ridiculous gold chains that I tell everyone are religious medals, because I'm oh-so-proud of my heritage, but I'm no man. It's all props, and misdirection. There was this one beautiful kid who worked in the office next to mine, and I made all kinds of snotty remarks about him, but I was just ashamed of how he made me feel. I'm a disgusting child, a fraud. I wish I had the courage to be honest to my cronies, at the office.
im madly in love with him....ill always be....but i can't tell a soul
Thanks alot
You make the plans okay? Every single time I try to please everyone, I get shoved back in the corner with other plans. Why can't you people just listen to me for once and do what I feel like doing. It is always about your plans.. that him and I always have to follow. Just listen to me for once, please. Don't make things harder. I am stressed because of it. I do not have a say in anything I get to do, which is pretty pathetic. Thank you for taking my voice.
....in love
i cheated on him....for years......im trying to quit.........but i think im in love with both.....cant stop thinking about the other one......its been years since any contact.......
I'm not happy with my marriage and I'm tempted to cheat.
I have been married for over four and a half years. It has not been an easy marriage but at this point in time we are doing okay...minus the fact that everything he does annoys me, he can't kiss, and the only reason I stay with him is because I'm afraid to be alone...and I recently met a guy who I am very attracted to. Since we met we have been in contact nearly every day, and I know that if I called him right now and said meet me for dinner this day at this time" he would do it
no longer home
I am a student. I live at my school about 8 months a year. I have lost nearly all my friends from high school. When I am back at home I am so lonely I want to die. I don't have a job for the short time I am home. I have no purpose. I feel as though I don't exist. I am terribly depressed. I think about killing myself. The only thing that makes me come back here is the guilt my parents give me. I am probably going to move to my boyfriends house this summer and I don't know how to tell them how I feel.
I'm in love with my best friends sister but she's only 14 and im 17, which really isn't THAT much of a difference, but im afraid if i try anything the friendship i have with my best friend will be damaged or his family/people in general will think of me differently in a bad way. I'm basically apart of their family, i can't get her off my minddddd
I Love You So Much I Can't sleep.
To Her: I love you more than Life itself. What we have is something so incredibly beautiful everything and everyone else dims in comparison. I Love you so much I can't sleep. I know I make you mad sometimes because I'm busy but it makes me happy because I know your mad because we cant be together. No matter what happens our friendship will last a lifetime. I don't care what happens I will always be there. Nothing you ever say or do could make me love you any less. I don't care about a physical relationship. If I never held your hand again, or never kissed you, I wouldn't love you any less. People will scoff at me because I am a teenage boy and I'm supposed to be cool and be with as many girls as I can but I don't care. I may sound naive saying these things but they don't know me. They don't know what I am. They are merely cynical people who don't love enough. Sometimes I feel like you don't appreciate me though. I have never lied even once to you. I have even told you things that you didn't want to here if only because they were true and you needed to hear them. I never broke a promise that I have made to you. Whenever you have been down I have been there to pick you up. You may not have let me but I was there. I would take a bullet for you. It wouldn't be a hard decision. I have thought about it many times and I simply value your life more than my own. If my entire purpose of being alive and on earth was to keep you living I would be fine with that. Anyone who claims that I speak empty words is mistaken. They don't know me. They may think that I write this in a moment of infatuation but I have made a decision to love you. I don't feel like loving you, I have chosen to love you. We have had many hard times but even when you were at your lowest point and said things that you didn't mean. I never once stopped loving you. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. I am just a man and I make mistakes, even with the best intentions. You compare me to many of your friends at school. The ones with big muscles who work out. I work out too. Maybe not as much but I guarantee you, I could beat any one of them. Even just out of sheer determination and will. I could beat them because I am fueled by love which I will never run out of and I would never give up. Know this: I Love You, and I always will. No matter what happens. I may not end up with you but I will never stop loving you.
best friend show down
For some reason, I just have to compete with my best friend, even if it is losing something that I love to do (including smoking). If she quits, I try to quit. If she loses weight, I want to lose weight. No matter what she does, I give her a negative comment, yet act like it does not bother me. And as bad as this sounds, I am slowly confessing to myself that I do not want her to look better" than I do."
Regret. The first time i regret something. There was a store window open. Me and five other frends decided to go in. I went in the window first, and opened the door for the other people, then I ran out. I didnt grab anything but I feel guilty for going in. I wasn't raised like that. I'm not sure what to do. I want to tell my parents and do what's right, but I'm scared.
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