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Starving
I'm back to my old habits... obsessing with the scale, counting calories... exercising... my ex asks me if I'm eating, I joke that I'm on the Ethiopian diet, truth is, I don't want to eat. Today I only ate a nectarine and a few bites of Salad - I worked out at the gym for an hour... and somehow I still don't feel good. I'm obsessed with this guy I sorta like.. he doesn't want anything serious, and I'm sure he's out with other girls... I see them on his Facebook and they're so much prettier and thinner than I am... I've slept with him and I'm sure he thinks I'm too fat. I hate when people touch my stomach... I smoke because it makes me less hungry.
past
Sometimes, when I think about how depressed I was in high school, particularly sophomore/junior year. I feel sometimes I'd be more content with life if I felt the way I used to.
0.50 for gas
I have been changing the gas prices where I work and getting premium gas for .50 a gallon for the last 7 months. Been there for 4 years. Nobody notices or knows. I just change it in the computer, put about 5-7 gallons in and then change it back. They could figure it out if they wanted to. I can't stand gas prices. Is it worth being fired over? No. But I still do it. I only spend about $20 a month on fuel, and "save" about $120. Job perks.
When I was a kid...
EVERYONE liked power rangers but NOBODY would admit it. So we all watched power rangers, and hid it, and nobody was ever available to play after school when power rangers was on, but they could never tell ya why they were not available. Power Rangers memorobilia was always popping up because our parents knew we loved it, so they bought it for us, but we would try to play with it in secret. A friend of mine wouldn't let anyone ever into his room because he had power ranger bedsheets. I myself, wore my White Ranger watch at home only. Thank God for this, because it stayed in great condition, and I sold it for quite a bit of money.
sent to bed early humiliation
my parents were very strict.It was customary to be sent to bed early when I misbehaved. Often i was told in front of my friends, family or neighbours to put my pajamas on and then i would have to sit in the same room as everyone in them. Sometimes i would have to get straight into my pajamas when i got home from school. I could often hear my sisters friends laughing at me as i sat there. I remberber especially i was 14 and they were only 8 having to put my pajamas on at 3pm and sit in them whilst we had tea. My parents never smacked me but the humiliation of being made to wear pajamas so very early and sent to bed at 6pm was much worse.
angry at religion!!
absurdity: some 3000 years ago, in the middle east, some religious zelots (lazy and bored men who invent absurdities and sell them to others as visions in order to gain at least a little bit of respect in life) came up with the following story: "there's a big and mighty man in the sky and he's is watching us how we slowly die. the only thing he wants us humans to do in life is to become his puppets and into heaven we will fly - but if we can't accept this plan we're doomed 4 ever." This sounds like every lazy-bum zelots' dream: an army of braindead puppets who will follow him, nourish him, clothe him, kiss his butt and not question him because he is being utilized by the "big man in the sky" for a divine purpose. talking of purpose.. doesn't it seem much more likely that it is not the big man in the sky who utilizes the zelot to reach a divine purpose but vice vera, minus the word "divine"? think about it ;-) --> religion is the biggest scam ever. it is natural to fear the unknown but to fill the unkknown with such junk is clearly the work of an army of fear-mongers. and saving your souls is not on their agenda. the only thing on their agenda is filling their pockets and gaining a position of power... i could go on and on, but i won't ;-) have a nice life y'all!
Cheating
I cheated on a couple of tests for my M.Div degree. I'm afraid that if my school finds out, they'll revoke it.
Posed as someone else
I once posed as a girl online, just for fun. I ended up meeting this amazing girl who I really liked, but under false pretences. She really was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, no jokes, and she had a great personality too. After a week or so I emailed her and told her the truth because I felt so bad about it, it took so much courage to do it but I feel a bit better now. I just feel like I've tainted her life forever and it tortures me.
I keep thinking about him
I keep thinking about this guy that is my fiance's co-worker/friend. I sometimes wonder if I am really suppose to be with the man I am with now. Though I then start thinking about how nice my fiance is and how much I love him. I just get really bored with him sometimes because he is not very spontaneous. This other guy just has something about him that allures me to him. I know he would never do anything with me because he does not want to ruin his friendship, but I would love to just kiss him. I really want to do something about it, but I am not sure what. I don't know if I should just try and be friends with him...or what? It sucks I get all hot and heavy over a guy that I can never be with...I sometimes hate that the man I am with is so nice and wants only me. It makes me feel awful inside...I know that I should just get over it but I KEEP THINKING ABOUT HIM. Eventhough he drinks, smokes, and most likely has been with a lot of woman. My fiance will not let me be alone with him because he knows that I have a crush on him. He does not know that I think about him all the time.
Never shall be...
I am engaged to this wonderful man and have been so for a year, but I really like his friend. I know that this is not right and I am not sure if I just like this guy because he is new and different or something more. Nothing will ever happen though because, well it just will not. But I cannot get this other guy out of me head. I keep thinking about him and I just want to be around him. I know though that I should not want these things because I could never hurt my fiance. I suppose I just want to get to know this other guy better...
Drop Out
I want my 'friend' to fail at life so badly. All she does is piss and moan about everything. When she doesn't have something her way, she'll say she'll hurt herself. And what's worse is her Parents will give her it! I feel so bad for her Parents. They sound so drained and tired most of the time. She's out 'til all hours of the morning, staying at strangers houses and doing God knows what- at 14 years of age. It's disgusting. She's never at school and I'm surprised she even bothers turning up for exams. She wants to be a singer, but the truth is 1)she's so bone idol, b) she doesn't want to do anything herself, someone else will have to get her signed and c) she can't sing. It's true, or play guitar, bass or kayboard. Stop using your Nan as an excuse for 'failing' in counselling (or blaming ME again- I'm sorry that I had my own problems and that I didn't drop everything for YOU) and wise up. I'm sick of you!
She Loves me!
Today I was standing there at our campus, where some of our gang gather around a girl who fainted...I kept "Talking my Talk" so I can get people out of the "worry" mood. She came along to stand with the girl who fainted, and everytime I looked at her directly she blushed, like never before....She went red faced with a cute smile..well I still like her, but I won't do this mistake again, Last time I kept treating her nicely in a Lover boy manner, and I got stiffed (not really, it was my mistake) but still!, I guess I'll let days pass, may be one day things will go the way I wanted!....Honestly I hope it does....T13
aagggghhhhh
my twisted soul's reflection... i am in love with you.
steal
i stole my mothers credit card and used it. i used it even though i knew she does not have the money to pay it off and that if my father ever finds out he will leave our family. i feel like i want to die. the guilt is lingering throughout my body. i wish i could take it back, i wish i can fix it
worst thing ever......
i was really drunk and at a party and while in the bathroom to use the toilet i saw $20 and i took it - i feel sick about it now - i can not even believe i did it - i hate people like me who do things that horrible low - i stole from someone- i am going to give the money to charity-
Biggest. Loser. Ever.
My roommates friend is a loser. I hate him with a passion. Seriously, he is the biggest loser I've ever met. I used to think my roommate was a pretty intelligent guy, but his choice of friends and the actions he's taken since making these friends really perplexes me. I hate this particular friend most for turning my friend into something that I don't recognize any more. Something dependent on drugs and alcohol. It's really quite sad.
i love her more than ever
i've been debating for a few months with myself. i've tried to get over her, but it's just not happening. i still love her!!
In love
For the past few months, i've always been thinking about this amazing girl, the initials F.B. I know and i think i'm falling in love but i'm scared to...