Being a fake
found a good looking person pictures online, faked being them, found love, hope he doesn't find out i'm not really the guy of his dreams and i'm actually a she.
been doing this for almost 3 years...its not that i want to be a man or anything, its just....being someone i'm not is so much more interesting than being me.
sick of it all
i hate that you criticize me. I hate that everything hurts me so much. I hate that i am emotionally weak and emotionally drained.I hate it all.
I have such a crush on Will I can't even stand it anymore.
i have a crush on..
a married coworker.
im not that girl
my boyfriend went to jail yesterday. im not that kind of girl. i am ashamed and lying to everyone. no one knows but me. and i love him. but i dont want a boyfriend in and out of jail. please god.
i have never loved anyone as much as him. i still think about him years later. i wish i had the courage back then to be honest. i wonder if he thinks about me. i wish i could have done things differently. but i can't.
this will be hard to put in words...
once, i liked this girl A. this went on for a year or so. up till now i still can't explain why it happened. during that 1 year, i was once asked who i liked. strangely, 2 names came to my mind. A and B. again i don't understand why. now, i'm fully over A. but i found myself liking B more and more. i think B know it now. friends tease us about it. i don't know how she feels. i don't even know if its normal for me to feel this weird things. and i don't know whether i should continue. i'm just a stressed out teenager man.
I did love her
I just broke up with my fiancee after 6 months. We were dating for almost 5 years. I thought I could change her, but I guess you can't change another person. She wanted more of me, I wanted more of life. I never meant to hurt her, and all I can do is think about her. I know this will pass, but it still hurts. Always been a big fan of the 'tough-guy' act, -- I'm pulling it off with an Oscar-worthy performance. Or maybe not, I am talking to a computer screen instead of anyone else...
I have a huge crush on my boyfriend's co-worker. He's almost double my age and that makes it even hotter.
is this cheating?
So I am tossing and turning. I cannot get MJ out of my head. I try and I try. I wonder what if she was the one. We were both much younger but still at an age when people can start their 'forever.' If Y (current serious girlfriend) finds this I am a dead man. Perhaps it would be of note that I tied G's (most serious ex) shoelaces in a dream two weeks back. More dead man material. Now back to MJ. We held each other once, it was an eternal embrace. At that time I was in the pre-stage of being with M and I could not betray that. I should have. I still remember vividly. Her soft cheeks brushing against mine, lips being carefully avoidant, but they knew what they wanted. I'll never forget her warm body and bosom pressing against me. Oh god, if I believed in one, take me back to that embrace. I wouldn't have pussied out and asked to be taken home. We both wanted things from each other that night. Couldn't say if
they were the same things, but I denied us
Why you Nick?
It has been over 6 years and I cant seem to let what I feel for you go entirely. Nick, you were the one for me. I wish I would of had the courage to face everything with you. The last night we spent together was amazing, and I remember that sweet sincere look in your beautiful hazel eyes, I wish I didnt let you go back to Sara but I just didnt think I disearved you. -Lost in Yardley-
I had a dream
Ok... well I am dead (in my dream) I walk into my room... it is cleaned completely... and is very bright, but the furniture is in the same place it has been. the TV is off, but I can tell it is on the same station it was on when I had died. I walk into the kitchen (it is almost dark here) on the cluttered jumble of papers on the table are these two empty boxes of pocky (I have these boxes in my room right now) I walk into the living room, where my mom is sleeping... she says, "I didn't hear you come in.".... She doesn't know it is me....when she realizes that her dead son is right there... she calmly asks "Is this your day?"... I begin saying "yes, it has been.... How many years HAS it been?" she holds her palm towards me (as if you were to give a high-five) I press my hand against hers.... I feel her hand in my sleep.... as I start waking up my dream is more disconnected...... we are now watching TV in my
room... the very show that was on when I died....
I wake up.
I love you but I can't love you like you need to be loved. Because of this, I'm trying to leave you but you're making it so damned hard! It is my family too and he is our son! To say this affects me any less is insane...
You can blame it on the military, the job, the unit, but I say it has to do with you. You knew the military was/is my career and it goes much deeper than 'just a job'. I try to push myself to do much better for not only myself, but for my family. All I needed you to do was understand that I had stress and to let me have just a little independence. It wasn't my lack of attention, just quality attention and I get it. But it was your tight grip on my freedom that drove me to her. I'll never tell you about her. It's because of her I didn't leave earlier. It was because of her and my shift of attention that you went to him. It's just dumb luck I caught you both in the parking lot - post hotel hook-up. I love you but can't stay with you. I will always love you - I have always loved you - I will always be there for you, even when you're with someone else. I can't tell you that because you won't understand that reasoning. I wish I was someone different... stronger. After all, you may be
but I'm splitting our family - the only family i've known - into pieces. I can only share these feelings because I can't feel vulnerable to you again. I won't. So I birth this into the void of the net, knowing you'll never see it and hope that somehow it will make me feel better about the emotional purge. Jason.
I Love Her In Silence
Two years ago my heart died.
Over time I have accepted that I will never again know what it means to love or to be loved and have lost both interest and direction in life. Yet one month ago I met someone who stirred impossible feelings within me. She opened up and showed me her heart and I was humbled by her inner beauty and compassion. Yet this woman is committed to another and lives behind a cultural barrier. I cannot deny what I am feeling. Still, I can never tell her these things; she is very beautiful and is used to men swooning over her for her attention. I don't want to be remembered as just another guy" in her eyes
When I tell people that I wish he would call, they assume I'm talking about my husband who is on the other side of the world for business, but I'm really talking about my secret lover.
Self Loathing Jerk
I have known my friend for about 7 years now. A few years ago we started working in the same building, so we hung out together. Sometimes I want to just bash his head in. There is always something wrong with him, always calling me with a problem. I just don't know why there is no sunshine and rainbows in his world.
He always calls me with some type of relationship problem, if he has a problem with the way he looks which is all of the time, and he is always diagnosing his damn self with diseases. I just don't know why I stay friends with him, maybe that's dumb on my part. I have done so much for him, and he has for me, but in this case my good outweighs his. With that, he critiques me and my family in my face. He says stuff like my mom is too judgemental and and a bunch of other crap, then turns around and complains that his parents don't love him and talk about all the bad things they say. UUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH. Get over it, move out, move out of the city, state, country, something. Just quit the complaining and do something about it.
After a few months in my current relationship, I wasn't feeling much, if any, emotional attachment to her. Today I decided to break up with her, but I want to do it in person because otherwise I'm just being a lousy coward. Well, she got online saying she couldn't sleep, right after I finished rehearsing what I was going to say when I broke up with her. After some small talk, she admitted she was starting to fall in love with me. This just dropped a massive pile of wrenches into the works and made things waaaaay more complicated. In short, this sucks.
hard to say hello
I keep running into M in my community. I have yet to look at him in the eyes, smile and say hello. It's the one thing I want to do more than anything and I keep stalling when our paths cross. I feel like such a knob.