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I pretend
to hate children because theres a possibility I might not be able to have any. That way if I'm not able to have any, I won't hurt as much when the time comes
Im sorry
I think that i want to join the military, probably the Marines. I really feel like I want to do this, that it is the right thing for me. I do not know how to tell anybody my decision, I know that nobody is going to take it well, but soon I will have to do it. Mom, Kathryn, friends, I am really sorry, I know you all will not like it, but I just have to do it Sorry
A boy
A boy broke my heart once. He left me for my best friend. They split up because he still loved me. Then I met my current boyfriend, who would literally kill himself for me. But I don't love him. I'm in love with a boy who is going the army soon, and I cant tel him. I really hate myself for it :(
In love with a memory
When I was 10 I met a boy who was 9 that lived across the street from the church I went to. A lot of Sundays after church he would be standing out on the curb and we started to talk. We became friends, went through Jr. High school then to High school together. We spent a lot of time with each other at school and his home. We never really dated, kissed or otherwise. I loved him but could never tell him because he was my FRIEND.I regret that. He dated lots of girls, I cried over them all. I dated but my heart was always his. The last time I saw him was the year he graduated. He married but they divorced a year later . He never married again but has an 18 year old son.I've been married for 37 years and it's been 37 years since I've seen him.His father and sister live in my town so I know a lot about his life. I can't get him out of my head or my heart no matter how much I try.I love my husband and I feel guilty that I still have these feelings for RAY.
I feel pathetic
ive been with my boyfriend for 10 months now and it's been so amazing. but my insecurities eat me alive. i always feel like he doesn't want to be there with me.. i know he loves me, but at times i feel like he has a hard time showing it. i dunno maybe all guys are like this. its just now for example its 10 at night on a saturday and he left my house early because he was tired. i don't know how to take it. i feel pathetic. am i overreacting?
i miss you mc
i miss you so much. i wanan talk to you every single damn night. i wanna hear your voice. i keep rememberring your face, your laughter so loud. everything that comes out of your mouth is so interesting to me. i miss it all. you say you love me so, so much. that you will wait for me. you just said days the other day. you said you'll always be there eventhough i have a bf. i haven't told you that i'm so much in love with you. i should've. keep in mind i have a bf of 9 years then you came along. you never hide your feelings. but i'm afraid to get hurt, to be humiliated so i never lay it all out. keep in mindnow i'm missing you so. i can't eat, i can't sleep. what have you done to me. why do i always phone you? why do i always wait for your call. i just wanna hug you, be close to you, be right beside you. i get butterflies in my tummy. please, pick up your phone, reply to my texts. are you mad about what i said to you the other night. i said i still love you. i'm madly in love w/ you MC.
HS football coach
I got my knee injured during practice. The coaches and trainer ignored it. An asstant coach called me a big baby. They all thought it was nothing, I was faking. I went to a doctor and he said I had torn cartledge. When the head coach found out he called the whole team together and lectured us about going to the doctor without talking to him first. I never played in a game after that. I got the knee fixed after I graduated. This was all 30 years ago and I hate those coaches just like it was last week. I'd like nothing better than to read their obits. Well, there one be one better thing - to meet them and show them the scar and call them idiots (or worse).
j
i missed my chance... she hinted, i was too shy and didnt notice. than she got a boyfried. now a year later, and im still in love with her... and she still has a boyfriend. just know i will allways be here for you/
sister in law
This is so completely pathetic. But, alas, it's anonymous, so I'll indulge. I've come to the conclusion that I'm completely in love with my wife's sister. She's younger, smarter, and probably closer to my soul than anyone I've ever met. Nothing about this can ever become public, or be realized. This is a life-sentence... self-imposed as it is. Still... to live with it - well, it's just one of those things that will haunt me for eternity. You live, you love, you learn, and you move on.
Come here and go away.
I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years with the man of my dreams. We tell each other everything, we haven't spent more than one week apart since we started dating. We make love like the world is ending and cry and laugh and get high and drunk and play games and walk holding hands in the woods. We catch snowflakes on our tongues and kiss each other under the stars and dance when there's no music and sing for no reason. We drive nowhere just to drive, and we argue like two cobras in a basket. We hold such a fiery passion for one another that I can't find a single person who can understand a love that we have, yet it seems like I hate him more than any other person in the world, because he loves me and because I love him and if he ever hurt me I would die. He makes me so strong yet so vulnerable that I fear every second I am with him and every moment I am not by his side. I find myself hating him because of how beautiful I think he is and how wonderful our love can be, and we fight. God do we fight. I throw things at him and push him and hit him and say hurtful things, and he just looks at me and says "why?" and I can't answer him. I can't figure out why I am so angry and hurt and protective over everything. Now I am afraid that I'll one day hurt him and he won't ever come back and hold me and love me like he does now... but I can't stop. I am so angry at him for not fitting into every little box I want him to be in, when it was his imperfections and human qualities that made me love him in the first place. I'm so scared I'm going to lose him to someone else with my behavior but he keeps telling me there is no one else, and he will love me until the day he dies. I can never find faith in that, I can never accept that it's true. I've tried everything to find happiness and relief and nothing makes me happy unless I am in control and it all goes according to plan. But the world doesn't work that way, nothing is planned, things just happen and I CAN'T STAND IT! I cut myself to release the anger, but most of the time it's too late and I've already hurt someone before I could let it out from under my skin as the blade tears through it. I want to kill myself but I'm afraid of being without the good things in my life that hold my sanity in place. I'm afraid of hurting those I love when I go... most of all, I really don't want to die, I just want to feel better, but I can't cope. What else is there to do? I tried finding faith in God and Jesus to help but I can't believe in anything. no God, no Spirit, nothing and no guide can help me heal. I've lost all of my friends in my sadness, and I don't want to make an effort to connect with anyone. I just wish someone could help me. I called a crisis hotline and they cut me off and said they couldn't talk anymore. That altogether was ironic and I wanted to blow up the phone after that.
why me
there is this guy and i know that he is a total player but i can't help but fall for him. Each time i tell myself to ignore him and just move on, but everytime he texts or calls i am more than willing to listen and talk. he tells me that he likes me but then it stops. he says we will call and that we should get together sometime but he nver makes the effort to call. I want someone that will actually like me and want to be committed and i hate that i want it to be him. he is just a player and that will never change and now my friends are getting annoyed cause they have told me so many times that he is bad news. but i want him so bad, i want him to want me as bad as i want him. and the worst part is i think its all a game to him, and i am just another piece on the board. i deserve better even from him =/
Enemy
i thought i hated you, and you thought i hated you but i loved you, in a way i hadnt loved anyone else. though id never tell you when you got married i was devestated.
I miss you
I was in love for the first and only time in my life when I was 13 years old. And I was in love with my best friend. And he was a blue eyed god.. and i regret so much never telling him how much i cared. when i found out we were moving away i almost killed myself, it was so painful to know i wouldn't see him everyday. and now it's been 6 years since I've seen him. The last time I saw him was at our farewell dinner and he gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. And I still remember that. I remember everything, including the time we went to look at gibson les pauls in cherry red at the guitar store. and the first time you came to my house. and the time we were at a movie night and we wrestled on the ground and you stole my pillow and said you wanted to keep it because it reminded me of you. If you're out there, you can still wrestle me to the ground and steal my pillow. I miss you. -H.
Why me?
i am a 37yr old male i have 4 girls and 2 boys. one of my sons died when he was 18m old. my other son looks just like my best friend. i am suppose to get married in two months. one of my girls informed me that she would not be there. my girlfriend is told my oldest child along with my nice that she does like my middle child. this woman pays my car payment and takes care of me. i do not take care of my children because i don't work. i have been with other woman and i realy do not want to get married because i need my car payment made. i do not know what to do. i know my babys moms are going to take me downtown after i get maried for child suport. what should i do? plese help me if you can.
DEEP FEAR of being ALONE
I am just so scared deep down in my soul that i will never find someone to love me. i am scared, more than anything else in the world, that i will die alone, without that special someone in my life. I feel like there is noone i can talk to about this, and i feel like noone would ever believe that i feel like this. I just feel so alone, even when i'm around people. I just need that special connection with the man of my dreams. Oh how i long to find him.
I have already left you
I have already left you in my heart but I am going to stick around to make sure I get my half of the money. I only sucked up all those payouts and pain so I could ensure I would be financially secure. Did you really think I would waste all those years of supporting your massive ego and walk away with nothing?
Lost..
Sometimes I just want to dissapear into a hole. The life I've created is too fast paced, and very high maintenance. I've always had a complex about trying to impress people to win their friendship, love or approval... I know its silly but something in me as programmed what way. Probbaly came from and angry father figure. I always feel like I'm not good enough. I know I have people who look up to me now and that's even more pressure. I don't want to let them down and theres ALWAYS an expectation to make bigger and more exciting things happen. I want out of this rat race. I've thought of my ideal life, but it would mean compromising my morals... What is worth more - Dreams that Come True or Security, Relationships and Responsibility. I'm scared I'll die with regrets!
i'm trying to shine.
my mom and i have had a pretty rocky relationship with a lot of ups and downs. she just divorced my dad, so i only see her about half of the time i used to. i recently survived a really bad accident, and it's given me a new outlook on life. i now feel that life is so precious and fragile, you should do the things that make you happy all the time. as long as it doesn't harm other people, do whatever you want as long as it makes you happy. it's important to look at the big picture, but it's also important to not focus on that so hard that you lose sight of what's right in front of you. it's important to be happy as much as possible. you need to do what's right by you, because you are the only person you'll have to live with forever. my mom doesn't seem to share the same perspective as me. she believes that it's important to be yourself and be happy, but she thinks it's only okay within certain social guidelines. we just argued for an hour about me getting my nose pierced, because she refuses to let me do it and says that if i really want it and feel that passionate about it, i'll just wait until i'm 18 and don't need parental consent. but from my viewpoint, if i want to do something now that has no long term effects and basically no short term effects, why wait? if i want it now, i should be able to do it now. when i'm eighteen i might not even want to get my nose pierced anymore. it's not like i'll regret wanting it, it's just a feeling. i understand that she doesn't like it and it's not how she pictured me, but it is up to me. in the long run, this really has no significance whatsoever. i guess my real frustration is with the fact that my own mom and i have such different viewpoints and i can't seem to get her to understand where i'm coming from. she says she understands everything i'm saying, and i don't really believe her. it's one thing to comprehend what someone is saying, and it's another to actually understand. she thinks that i want this piercing to somehow complete a part of myself, to heal a part of myself. well i'm healing all the time, and something like a nose ring isn't going to fix anything. she always tells me that i'm so intelligent and beautiful and i don't need a nose ring to feel pretty, but it's really not about that at all. i want to get my nose pierced because i like the way it looks. i had told her that it'll put me in a good mood, the same way a new pair of shoes or a necklace would make me feel. no one puts on new shoes and is indifferent, it always makes you feel kinda cool. so now i'm just sitting in my room freezing, and trying to get over this whole stupid fight about nothing.
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