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i wish i was dead
every day i consider breaking up with you. every day you give me reasons to break up. forgetting me and ignoring me was painful enough. not to mention the yelling, hitting and cheating. despite all this i love you but i am never 100% certain i want to be with you. you make me feel like garbage again and again. we have 2 children together so i pray for new horizons, but its always at my expense. i dont feel loved by you. why i can't i stop this horrible path with you? why do you insist you love me? is it out of guilt? i wish i was dead.
I baked a birthday cake for a friend. I mixed the cake batter in a green plastic bowl. As I mixed, I noticed that bits of green plastic from the bowl were flecked in the batter. Rather than make a new cake, I added multi-colored sprinkles to hide the plastic. Everyone loved the cake.
I'm sitting in front of this computer telling you my life story. You have no idea who I am but you are probably bored and have nothing else better to do than waste time reading about other peoples confessions. At this point in my life I can't help but feel my entire life has been wasted. I have done nothing with my life and am no closer to reaching “my goals” in life than I was 5 years ago. I'm actually probably in worse shape. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and have no friends and have hurt the one person who I loved and actually cared for me. I've made her cry and ignored her for what reasons? I have no idea. My social skills are very poor and I can't help trying to avoid people because I feel they don't like me even though I've never met them or meet them a few times. I spend most of time just on the computer and sleeping. My family knows almost nothing about me. I really never communicate with them. Looking back in my life I
never had a real good relationship with anyone. I never trusted anyone really. I wish I could just start my life over because it seems this one isn't going anywhere and ill just end up killing myself sooner or later because I don't have anything. My mom and dad have seen me make mistake after mistake and yet this still don't judge me and support me. I wish I could make them happy.... If I only accomplish one thing in my life at this point on I wish I could make my parents proud. But at this point i don't know if I could do that or how I could do that. Their unconditional love amazes me and is the only thing I care about and the only thing I have.
Still love him after 23 years
I know he's married with children. Just have to get this off of my chest. I know nothing will ever happen, haven't seen him in about 15 years, we met when we were both young and dated on and off for 5 years. I still love this man and often think about him and will keep it to myself until I die.
Where did I go wrong
I am currently in a relationship for almost seven years and I dont love him, in part because I found out things that Im not happy about but stay because I told him I forgive him and feel almost obligated. Then two years ago I saw my ex-boyfriend at a club (he did not see me) but it just brought back all these feelings that I have for him (I broke up with him, due to father-trust issues) Last year though I learned he got engaged and married. I've just become so depressed, since then because it should have been me. I've thought about him since that day I saw him and continue to. Every other day I pull out his letters he wrote me while in college and look at his pic.
Loving the Dead???
I'm madly in love with two people, their brilliant and everything I love. However, they are both dead. One died two years before I was born, the other three years after I was born. Thats weird isn't it. They where both famous people but I'm not saying who. Its kind of upseting when my relatives say to me, you will meet the right guy someday. I don't want anyone else. Hopefully when I die I'll see them, thats my life long wish. However I could eventually fall in love with someone who is alive, It happened once but he was a total jerk! I'm 18 years old by the way.
my mom is practically the worst out there she tells me im fat when she is fat too she tells me i aint prty enough to model i am 5'7" and only weigh 110 i don't think im fat. im built too im in many sports. im in volleyball cheerleading and track and snowboarding, i have a Facebook page and everyone says i should model blah blah blah but if my mm don't agree i can't it agrivates me so much!
Love or Late?
I tell him I love him. But he's hurt me before and I'm not sure if I honestly love him or if its too late. Now he says he's different and I don't know. I think I might be too. He says we're never breaking up again. But maybe thats exactly what I want, to break up. I can trust. How do you expect me to love?
"I love you." I'll lie.
"I love you too." He'll say.
I'll never know if he's telling the truth this time or not. Hell, I'm even losing sight on my honesty.
the last goodbye was supposed to be hello
I was in 6th grade and my life was all about my friends and family. I always hung out with my best friend and he was actually a guy, he taught me how to skateboard in the summer, we always went fishing together i was a huge tomboy and with him i flet like i was never forgotten. I would go home and we would talk online but we were just friends. I told my brother about how i felt and he just said it wasnt friends for me it was more like love. I had to think about this for awhile then just forgot about it like threw it away. school started again and were in 7th grade. We were the best of freinds and nothin could tear us apart i thought. then i started thinking about what my brother had said. I decided to tell mike how i had felt about him the next day. I went to bed late that night and awoke at 2 to the sound of sirens. i though it was nothing because they dissaperead into the night. when i went to school
the next day it was the first time i had ever wore make up i stole my moms mascara and put some on. When i got to school and didnt see mike i just thought he was sick. Mr.lafredo, one of the teachers at our school came into the class and whispered to the teacher. The teacher told us all to be quiet while he talks. The teacher was almost crying and i was wondering what was wrong he started saying there was a fire last night and that one of our dear classmates has passed away. Thats when i relaized what he was saying i ran out of the class room crying my eyes out. i ran to the bench where i sat on the first day of 6th grade and mike had sat next to me and started talking to me. The teacher had came up, he knew me and mike were really close. He offered to call my parents to take me home but i just wanted to be here all day in this spot. If anybody else has had to go through this i am sorry and you are not alone. ever since that day i have never been a tom boy, i have always worn make up and i always
cry when i pass by the picture of him hanging in my school hallway, it has been two years but it feels like yesterday whenever it think about it. I havent been able to move on. And every october 5th i go tomboy for the day and carry a picture of us together, his favorite one, in my back pack. the very picture my mom took away because she hated seeing me so depressed every time i saw it. I have never let myself fall in love since and no matter what people say about trying to move on i cant i cant get over the fact that my first love ended so harsh so now i try to get through every day knowing that mike would have wanted me to be happy. I will see him when i see him. I just cant wait to that day.
dear boy that i can't live without
dont worry its nothing bad... well it might be idk... so heres the thing
i rly need to hang out with you not because i always dream about it and always wish for it, not because u seem like the kewlest kid alive, not because i feel i can tell you alot, what is about is...
I NEED to see you because well like i like you and i know that seems weird because we dont rly know each other it seems but i do kno alot about u and u know alot about me...
i want to become closer friends and i kno the whole likeing thing wont go anywhere but i cant hold it back anymore. I dream//daydream about going down there and us having the time of our lives and the worst part i always feel is awakeing from it and realizeing it was a dream... sorry if this is like not the way u want/wanted it to go bc i can pretend i nvr said this if its what you want... all i want to say is even though i have a bf i feel bad when i do something with him bc im thinking of where you live, and i am thinkin of wat would be the first thing i said to you when i see you for the first time...
You have to be RLY tired bc you keep running in and out of my mind! i kno that a chessy pick up line but im not using it as a pick up line im using it as the truth. i felt i had to tell you so there it is...
if you nvr wanna talk to me im ok with it i will just have to recover...
if you wanna talk and feel at all the same god i will be so excited and ur probly like i have a gf well hello i have a bf i RLY like and im saying this... well thats it... so idk kno if this goodbye or just hello so all im gonna say is .. your totally a great friend and i understand any thing you say or do...
this girl and i were getting along so well, then all of a sudden i asked her out, she said sorry i have a BF. i hate him i hate me i hate life KILL ME!!!:@
Never Fall In Love Young, You'll Never Recover.
Since I was fifteen I've been in love with a man I can never ever have. We met around four years ago when he started dating one of my friends. They dated for about two weeks and during that time I became closer to him then I ever had to her. You know how people always ask "Do you believe in love at first sight?" Well with me it wasn't love at first sight. It was a sort of recognition, a connection I had found in someone I had never met before and yet found so very familiar. But you can bet your ass, the second time I looked I was gone. Game over. Hook line and sinker. A while after he broke up with my friend we started dating. It was mostly a long distance thing even though he only lived twenty five minutes away, but he didn't have a car and I didn't have a car and his parents didn't help him out with much especially when it came to seeing his friends, much less his girlfriend. It lasted all of three
months. And it was wonderful. I missed him all the time when he wasn't there. I grew to love his voice, deep and dark and sometimes a bit gravely. I'll never have a better 4th of July. But then one day that all came to an end. He called me up drunk and told me that his ex had just told him how she was pregnant with his kid. We had an argument and I hung up on him because I just knew there was no reasoning with him when he was mad and piss drunk, and I didn't want to say anything I would regret. While I waited for him to sober up before I called him back I sat there and thought about the situation. I came to the conclusion that no matter what I would find a way to be with him more often, and I would be there for him no matter what. My will was set in stone.
But it didn't go down like that. When I called him back he told me how he just wasn't in love with me anymore and that he couldn't even remember my face, only my eyes and my hair. He told me that he thought we needed to take a break. Right then I knew it was over. The very first day I met him he had told me how he didn't believe in breaks and I that he was just doing this until he could actually see me to break it off in person because that's the kinda guy he is. But I held out for hope and gave it a few weeks. During that time I thought about what it would mean to be in a relationship with a person who didn't love you. I thought about how if it ended I could do what I always did and get over it. I didn't want to be in love with a person who wasn't in love with me, who would never love me as much as I loved him. I didn't want to be someone that you settle for. I believed I deserved better and I still do. Anyway a few weeks later I called him up and asked what he thought about us, and he said he
didn't know. I had had enough and broke it off with him. He told me it hurt but from the way he sounded I don't think it really did, at least not very much in comparison as his other break ups had. And just like that it was all over. We've remained extreemly close friends since then even though we don't see each other very much because he lives way out in the country and with gas prices the way they are we just can't afford it. I've seen him through a lot of relationships, and have always been there for him to talk to. Oh, and by the way, it turns out that the kid wasn't even his, which I know hurt like hell because before he found out he had gotten really attatched to the boy. In the last six months he's been recovering from the ending of a three year relationship. It was a bad break. He'll be going into the army soon, which I hope will give him a good change of pace and help him to heal somehow. I myself have been recovering from a bad relationship, and it hasn't been easy. My last relationship
was the first time since me and my friend had broken up that I had opened myself up enough to let anybody in, and the person I did let in took advantage... extreem advantage. Before that I had just been bouncing around from one guy to the next because I didn't feel right about starting another relationship when I still had feeling for my friend. It just didn't feel right. I wish I could say that this was just a teenage thing that I just can't seem to let go. But time has proved otherwise. I even tried to cut him out of my life once because I thought that maybe we would be better off without each other. I avoided his calls for a year and when I finally did pick up the phone and call him it was more of a subconcious thing, I didn't really mean to do it... he was happy I had called though, a lot happier then I'd thought he'd be. Over the years we've definatly had our disagreements but it's never really been hostile and from time to time when we are both single (and once when he was not) we'll become
romantic. But there's an unspoken rule ya know. The last time after we had finished and we had gone into our in depth discussions which ended up with him talking about his ex, and for the first time I saw him cry because of the fact that he couldn't stop loving her. It broke my heart and I had to do one of the hardest things in my life which was tell him that the should try and get her back. He told me he had already tried and that she didn't want anything to do with him. Anyways after that he told me out of the blue that he loved me too. "too?" I said, "I didn't say anything." He just smiled and said "Just to say..." and I said I loved him too and kissed him. It wasn't meant as a confession of mutual feelings of romantic love. It wasn't a way of telling me that he wanted me back. I know that he's no where ready for another relationship and I know that even if he was it wouldn't be with me. And I know that even if he did want me it wouldn't work out because I go to college in a different state and
he's basically going off to war. But I will never forget that moment. Not for as long as I live. I realize that I'm setting myself up here, and please don't think I havn't tried to stop loving him because I've been trying for more than four years now. In fact, a part of me has always hated him for the fact that I can't stop loving him. And I hate myself for not being able to stop, when I've tried so damn hard. During that year we didn't speak, I didn't even say his name unless someone else brought him up which was all of three time if that many. But even when I didn't want it too, his name would always come into my mind, as reminder, as a prayer. I missed him terribly that year. So I've come to the conclusion that no matter what, no matter how I want him in my life if only as a friend, if only to have him there. Because it just doesn't feel right with out him. The only thing I've found to redeem my pride is since that day he told me he didn't love me anymore I havn't shed one tear over him.
He can have my body and my heart but I'll be damned if he can have my pride. I'll be God Damned.
you kill me
I hate how you treated me so badly and when i finally leave you, you keep texting me saying how much you miss me, i hate how you toy with my emotions but i still think about you all the time
I miss you. I miss the way you used to kiss me. I miss how it was okay to do everything we used to do. I miss being able to talk to you. I miss sleeping in your bed. I miss how you made me feel when you'd touch me, even if it was just holding hands. I miss your hugs. I miss feeling comfortable in life. When ever I think about you I feel like you died or something because I can't express my feelings for you. It seriously makes me ache.
Love and Hate
I love a beautiful woman who thinks the world of me. But we are not together. She keeps meeting an abusive ex-boyfriend who scares her away from getting closer to me. It's gotten to the point where I think as much about killing him as I do about loving her.
Bye, Best Friend
My best friend rekindled her religious beliefs. She found a religious boyfriend, to share them with. She found the two great loves of her life.
She lost me, and I'm doing nothing to stop this from happening. This is mostly my fault.
i want to die because i can't live without him
i'm only 18 years old and i found my soul mate... we were perfect... for so long... then he moved away to school and now we are so broken... he sees nothing wrong with anything but he's killing me softly my heart is so broken and i cant take it anymore... i cant take anything anymore... im so sorry...
i hate myself
I hate myself. I am afraid that I will lose everyone in my life because I am selfish. I am depressed and the only person who I can think about is myself and my own problems. I don't want to be alone I am so afraid of being alone.