I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your kids.
It's been Monday all week.
I brake for no apparent reason.
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Every silver lining has a cloud.
I can resist everything except temptation.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Do Own The Whole Damn Road.
Men are proof that women have a sense of humor.
Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion
I may be slow; but I'm ahead of you.
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
Life may suck, but it beats the alternative.
The buck doesn't even slow down here.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Why do they call it a bumper if your not going to use it?
I've been dieting for the past month, but all I lost was 31 days.
Life is too complicated in the morning.
My wife's other car is a broom.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
No matter how bad it gets, It can always get worse.
If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.
When she told me I was average, I figured she was just being mean.
I came, I saw, I did some shopping.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
This is the rebel base.
Don't rub the lamp unless you're ready for the genie.
Was today really necessary?
If you always take time to stop and smell the roses...sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
Cynics are people who know the price of everything, but the value of nothing.
I miss my wife, but my aim is getting better.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
If you're rich, I'm single.
I'm Out Of Bed And Dressed. What More Do You Want?
Women are born leaders, LOOK you are following one now.
Wouldn't it be nice if there were an Escape key for all of our problems?
My Lawyer Can Beat Your Lawyer.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
Pol-I-Tics poli meaning many, ticks meaning small blood sucking parasites.
Don't start with me. You know how I get.
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only.
Welcome to reality...come again soon.
Stupidity should be punished.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
Honk if you like peace and quiet.
If we outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns.
I am represented by the Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe.
I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?
You Are Depriving Some Village Of Its Idiot
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
It's been one of those days all week
I've lost my phone number - can I have yours?
Mirrors can't talk. Luckily for you they can't laugh either.
Every time you speak you make someone dumber for listening to you.
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
Don't Piss Me Off! I'm Running Out Of Places To Hide The Bodies.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.
Gravity always gets me down.
Never cut what you can untie.
My daughter turned down your honor student.
Why am I so thirsty when I drank so much last night?
I owe, I owe, so it's off to work I go.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.
Don't start with me, you won't win.
I was an atheist until I realized I was GOD.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Instead of concentrating on this bumper sticker, maybe you should be concentrating on the road.
What if the Hokey Pokey really is what its all about?
I'm Not A Complete Idiot; Some Parts Are Missing.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all it's students.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
I'm objective; I object to everything.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
Honk If Anything Falls Off
I've upped my standards, now up yours.
Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu?
The road to hell is paved with Republicans.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
I Think Feminists Are Cute
Today's subliminal message is: ( )
Doctor's say I have a multiple personality, but we don't agree with that.
So many pedestrians, so little time
I left the womb for this?
My other car sticker is funny.
Please, do not feed the ego.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Just say NO to negativity.
I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Life's a beach, and then you drown.
Everything Is Somewhere.
Atheism is a non-profit organization.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Cute and definitely huggable...YES, me!
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving ain't for you.
When all else fails, manipulate the data.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
It takes more faith to believe that I came from a monkey than to believe that I came from God.
My other auto is a 9MM.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
If you get any closer I'll fart.
Energizer Bunny Arrested; Charged With Battery
Stop Reading My Bumper Stickers and DRIVE.
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.
Honk if you hate noise pollution.
Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or more.
I'd rather be fishing
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
There is one in every crowd and they always find me.
Life is a terminal disease.
I fish! Therefore, I lie.
Don't make me go medieval on you.
LOVE: two vowels, two consonants, and two fools.
Spare the fenders, save the trees, give the sober friend the keys.
Just when you think you have won the Rat Race, along come faster rats.
There are 3 kinds of people in this world: those who can count & those who can't.
DETEST - de stuff de teacher gives de students when ya expect it de least.
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Support wildlife, throw a party.
I'd rather be a failure at something I love, than a success at something I hate.
If a man states an opinion and there is no woman to hear it, is he still wrong?
I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If something goes without saying - LET IT
Mistakes are proof that you are trying.
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
Don't laugh; it's paid for.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her... or something like that.
Enjoy life it's not a dress rehearsal.
I am overjoyed with whelm.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
The meek will Internet the world.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you.
To be loved, be lovable.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.
Caution: I drive like you do.
How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
I brake for .. wait .. AAAH! .. NO BRAKES!!!!!
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Musicians Duet Better
I'm serious; it was a joke.
If you feel attacked by feminism, it's probably a counter attack.
I'm only a hypochondriac when I feel sick.
That's all I'm saying and I ain't saying no more.
I'm not really a driver, I just play one on TV.
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
Hey idiot - You're driving a car, not a phone booth.
Don't wash this vehicle - Undergoing scientific dirt test
He who farts in church sits on his own pew.
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
If it Ain't Broke... Fix It .. Til It Is
I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I believe the Internet is an information source, not a lifestyle choice.
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
There are 2 kinds of drivers: those who make dust & those who eat it.
Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.
Clear the Road, I AM SIXTEEN
My child is an honor student at the state penitentiary.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
How may I ignore you today?
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
My favorite color is chocolate.
Listen to the silence.
My child beat up your honor student.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
Editing Is A Rewording Activity
More people I meet, more I like my dog.
Entropy Isn't What It Used To Be
To you it's a six-pack; to me it's a support group.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Lord, please save me from your followers.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
Do Vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Suburbia: Where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them.
One more repo and I'll be debt free.
I brake for hallucinations.
Does The Name Pavlov Ring A Bell?
In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
If it weren't for people like you, nobody else would have an above average IQ.
YES this is my truck, NO I won't help you move.
My child sold your HONOR STUDENT the answers to the test.
Look before you open your eyes.
Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
If it's tourist season, does that mean we can shoot them?
Santa's Elves Are Just A Bunch Of Subordinate Clauses
Earth Is The Insane Asylum For The Universe
I hate bumper stickers
Do unto others before they do unto you.
All generalizations are false.
I drive like this to piss you off.
No prohibiting allowed.
If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.
People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
On your mark, get set, go away.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
The worst day of fishing is better than the best day at work.
We're Spending our Kids Inheritance
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
I don't do mornings.
He who angers you, conquers you.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
If you can't take a joke, take a hike.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Thank God I'm an atheist.
Life is a lesson you'll learn it when you're through.
Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.
If you can read this, thank a teacher.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.
Why be difficult - Be impossible
I've forgotten more than I've ever learned.
Unless you're the lead dog, the view doesn't change.
Forget World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
I'm the kind of person my parents want me to stay away from.
Lets get along with me.
I know...I know...pull over
Your body would look good in my trunk.
Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.
Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.
Diplomacy is saying "Nice Doggy" until you find a rock.
Oh well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
It's always too early to quit.
Don't be stupid. We have politicians for that.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
You know your getting older when Happy Hour is a nap.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Look out! Behind you!
Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
I've lowered my expectations to the point where they've already been met.
Life is just one of those things.
If you can read this bumper sticker you are driving too close.
This car is constipated: hasn't passed a thing all day.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
I'd love to trade Caller I.D. for "Caller I.Q."
S.O.B.E.R. - Sick Of Banning Everyone's Rights
I think, therefore we have nothing in common.
Do you trust a government that doesn't trust you with guns?
Professionals are predictable - amateurs are DANGEROUS.
I am not speeding, I am qualifying.
Don't Follow me I am LOST!
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
This vehicle insured by Smith and Wesson.
Getting on your feet requires getting off your butt.
My child was inmate of the month at the County Jail.
Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.
Warning: I brake for hallucinations
If you can read this you're in range.
I'm not your monkey.
Previous owner had an honor student.
I can go from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds.
The squeaky wheel is often replaced.
I souport publik edekasion
If you have something to say, raise your hand, and place it over your mouth.
Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.
It's a wonderful life.... With me.
Life's expensive; drive defensive.
Minds are like parachutes, they only function when open.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Fat people are hard to kidnap.
Death is the consequence of being alive.
Empty the prisons - Make room for congress
If you can read this I can deploy your air bag.
Talk only if you can improve on the silence.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
If you think education is expensive, Try ignorance.
Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost, took a wrong turn, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
Driver carries less than $20 IN AMMUNITION...
If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool.
I'm an optimist, but I don't think it helps.
Not a RULES type of girl.
Don't steal, the government hates competition.
My IQ test came back negative.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!
You are never too old to learn something stupid.
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
Pain is inevitable, misery is optional.
THINK before you ACT.
Life is a glitch in the universal program; death is just the programmer's way of debugging.
My karma ran over your dogma.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't wanna be there when it happens.
I Was Born Brilliant; Education Ruined Me
Not all who wander are lost.
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
Don't wish for it...work for it.
My other car is a piece of junk.
The number of people staring at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.
When God made man, she was only joking.
Honk if you are God.
Please don't hit me, I'm a pedestrian trapped in a car.
Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.
It's time to pull over and let the air out of your brain.
Too many freaks, not enough circus's.
Have a nice day... somewhere else.
Never get into an argument with the schizophrenic person and say, "Just who do you think you are?"
Life is a banquet... So EAT ME!
Don't believe everything you think.
Humpty Dumpty didn't fall...he was pushed.
My other wife is beautiful.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Due to budget cuts, light at end of tunnel will be out.
Never get into a fight with an ugly person, they have nothing to lose.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Life's a garden, dig it.
I have an attitude and I'm not afraid to use it.
When all else fails, lower your standards.
The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened.
Do not play a leap frog with a unicorn.
I'm not littering... I'm donating to the earth.
Stop global whining.
Heck is for people that don't believe in Gosh.
I got this car for my wife...not a bad trade.
Everything I need to know I learned in prison
Growing old is inevitable...Growing up is optional.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
Smile and the world smiles with you, Fart and you stand alone.
Do not put a question mark where God put a period.
God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.
Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
Flying saucers are real, the Air force doesn't exist.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Everything is possible, just not too probable.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
What If There Were No Hypothetical Questions?
If you can read this... I've lost my trailer.
I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.
I'm only here to ANNOY!!
To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid.
Is reading in the bathroom considered multitasking?
Remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Stupid is as stupid does.
No Sense Being Pessimistic. It Wouldn't Work Anyway.
Avenge Yourself - Be a problem to your children
I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life either.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
Which came first, the woman or the department store?
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
Don't miss heaven for the world.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I think, therefore I'm dangerous.
I SWERVE to HIT People at Random
It's all a pigment of your hallucination.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Reality is a figment of your imagination.
Gun control is a steady hand.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Jesus is coming... Look busy.
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.
How's my driving? Dial 1-800-YOU-SUCK
To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ...I'm sure going to miss her.
Rehab is for quitters.
He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.
If your stupid and you know it, honk your horn.
The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Watch out for the idiot behind me.
Born free...Taxed to death.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
I used to live in the real world, then I got evicted.
The sky is always bluer at the top of the windshield.
Metaphors be with you.
Life sucks, then you die.
Procrastinators Unite!... Tomorrow
I am not unemployed, I am a consultant.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else still thinks you're a jerk.
It took 40 years to make me look this good.
Romance is like a game of chess: one false move and you're mated.
Computers help us to do stupid things faster.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Faster than a speeding ticket.
T.G.I.F - Thank God I'm Female.
If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
I tried being normal once...I didn't like it.
Pardon My Driving. I'm Reloading.
God must love stupid people...he made so many.
Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!
Buy American while there is still time
House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
I love my country. It's the government that pisses me off.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
Where There's A Will, I'm In The Way.
Never judge a girl by her bumper sticker.
Now That You Are Kissing My Bumper... Wanna Get Married?
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
I'm only driving this way to piss you off.
Don't drive and derive. Alcohol and calculus don't mix.
Rap Is To Music What Etch-A-Sketch Is To Art
If it's too loud, you're too old.
I WANT YOU to stay far away from me
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Do I look like a people person?
There is no shortcut to anywhere worth going.
Life's way too short to stay on topic.
If you don't like my attitude, stop looking at my stickers.
Proud mother of a delinquent child.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
Life is like a straw; it sucks.
I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
Nothing political is correct.
What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.
Give me coffee and no one gets hurt
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
No matter where you go; you're there.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
It's easier to child-proof your gun than to bullet-proof your child.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
If at first you don't succeed, the hell with it.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Don't drink to drown your sorrow. Sorrow knows how to swim.
I'm back by popular demand.
Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Dogs think they're human. Cats think they're gods.
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Men are idiots and I married their king.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.
Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.
Deep down, divers care.
So many pedestrians, so little time.
My God can beat up your God.
I don't think, therefore I am not.
Help Stamp Out And Eradicate Superfluous Redundancy
The more I learn, the less I understand.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
When I married Mr. Right, I didn't know his first name was "always."
Honk if you want to learn sign-language.
If you write "WASH ME" on my truck, I'll carve "RESUSCITATE ME" on your chest!
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Crime wouldn't pay, if the government ran it.
In theory, everything works.
I am not a bum - My wife works
I used up all my sick days so I called in dead.
I is a college student
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
This car is protected by an anti-theft sticker.
You can't be late until you show up.
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
My reality check just bounced
Go on, I will see you at the next light.
I'm not tailgating, I'm just trying to keep my bumper on.
Judge me all you want. Just keep the verdict to yourself.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Do you think you could drive any better with that cell phone stuck up your butt?
Talk is cheap - until you hire a lawyer.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
I took a pain pill. Why are you still here?
Don't miss today worrying about tomorrow.
I'm Just Driving This Way To Piss You Off.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
Horn not working, watch for hand signals
I'm looking forward to regretting this.
Boldly Going Nowhere